Should I allow my kids step-father to discipline them?

I just got married, I was married before and had three kids with my ex-husband who never really was a part of my kids lives he was in and out and now isn’t at all. I struggle to let my husband now help parents. He’s great and all but as far as discipline goes, what is appropriate and what isn’t? Am I overprotective of not wanting him to discipline them? I am so used to doing everything on my own this is hard for me to know if I’m not fair. Thank you in advance for any advice or experience!

14 Likes

What does your parenting plan say? Some say discipline must be handled by custodial parents only.

1 Like

Your set him up to fail and your kids to run all over your new husband

10 Likes

You married him and as you stated the real dad isn’t there. If he is caring for, loving, and providing for these kids he has every right to discipline. Now I am not saying beat but discipline, yes.

15 Likes

Admonish, explain but no corporalll

1 Like

Of course he should be able to discipline them. You are a team now right? He married you with your kids not just you.

16 Likes

yes you should allow him to discipline them some extent so that they respect both him and yourself. you decide what he is and isn’t allowed to do so that you are comfortable

Let him discipline them like you would want their real father to,you will definitely know if he is doing it wrong,

6 Likes

They are also his children now, he should discipline how he wants

2 Likes

If he can’t discipline them then you can’t expect them to behave for him. I can’t see how that would work out long term

2 Likes

If he is going to be a father figure he needs to be able to discipline them

3 Likes

You can’t expect him to truly be a part of the family if he’s not allowed in daily aspects of it.
Nor will your children ever respect him…they may very well wait until its just him and them then seriously act up because they’ve picked up on it you not allowing him to discipline them.

He should be able to remove privileges and give short or specific groundings without having to consult with you or wait for you to do it.

1 Like

If you do not allow him to discipline bad behavior your children will run him. And they will end your marriage. Set ground rules with it. Like if you do not want him to spank your children make it off limits. Set up a disabling plan with ground rules. He should be able to discipline them the same way you do though. He is going to be a huge part of their lives and the father figure.

I have 3 girls from a previous relationship and I’m now married their father is married also we all agree that all parents can discipline if my kids act out at a grandparents house I would hope the adult does something about it. We don’t spank but time out and groundings and talking toos are for every adult to do

2 Likes

He’s the only dad they have. If he isn’t a horrible father theres absolutely no reason for him not to help parent. With parenting comes discipline.
Now obviously he doesnt get to dictate how your kids are parented. As it would be with bio dad, it’s a partnership.

1 Like

do you mean spank?setting limits definitely . rules of the household YUP. rewarding good behavior PLEASE. household chores a must. But anyone put a hand to my child?nope. Time out and when out, the child must explain what they did wrong

2 Likes

Why would you marry someone if you aren’t going to be an equal in the household? If you married him you obviously trusted him enough to be a parent to your children. :woman_shrugging:

3 Likes

If you want your children to respect him then yes

When he married you, he married them. He is now the father figure. He should absolutely be able to discipline them.

1 Like

Not married, but we’ve been together for almost 2 years. I have an 8 & 2 year old. He has every right to discipline them, just as much as I do. We make decisions together and when one says no the other says no. He loves them the way I do, he treats them the way I do, he takes care of them as much as I do, so he disciplines the way that I do. Their father is in the picture and they are with him every weekend and his father agrees with me, that my boyfriend is to do what he needs to do during the week.

1 Like