So my children’s father and I are separated. I feel like we do a really good job getting along and co-parenting, but there is one thing he keeps pushing that I don’t agree with. My 2-year-old son co-sleeps with my boyfriend and I (they are best friends) and my, just turned, 6 year-old daughter used to co-sleep with me until my boyfriend and I started dating. Now she just sleeps in her own bed that is pushed up against my bed, so we are still basically within arm’s length of each other. My thing is, I LOVE my kids being in the room with me and/or sleeping with me. It’s how I feel close to them, and I love waking up with them. I feel like when it comes time for them to sleep in their own rooms, I will have a harder time than they will. The problem is my kid’s Dad wants them sleeping in their own beds and room, like yesterday. He’s not super pushy or aggressive about it; I just feel like he brings it up a lot. I guess my question is, should I stand my ground and let them sleep where they want? Or should I get them sleeping in their own rooms and beds because that’s what they do at Daddy’s, so it will help them to get a routine and get them transitioned? Do you think them sleeping with me will somehow make them want to sleep with their Dad at his house? Or is each home different? I’m still learning… Only polite comments and suggestions please! Thank you in advance!!
Your kids dont need to be in bed with your boyfriend. Set an example. You are still married to another man, sleeping with another with kids in the bed.
I personally would have them sleep in their own rooms. Maybe once a month have a “camp out” where everyone sleeps together in the living room or something.
As a parent I co slept with my oldest longer than my second and transitioning my first was sooo hard because I let him sleep in my room so long. You’ll know when you’re ready. Its an independence thing to get them on their own. Maybe try having them share a room with each other so you have your own personal space. Personally my kids never slept in my room after I started dating my now fiance. They sneak in every now and then but always end up on the floor lol
My kids cosleep. I’m separated from their father. I personally couldn’t imagine bringing another man into their lives and having them cosleep with said man.
Is it the fact that dad wants it for a routine so it is the same at his house? Or, is he not comfortable with your kids sleeping in the same bed as another man? If it is just for routine, that is completely your choice how routine goes at your house. If it is the 2nd reason, then definitely take his feelings on the subject into consideration and move them into their own beds
You are making it about you and not them. Yes. They need consistency in how they do things at each house. And in my opinion, they should not be co sleeping with you while you have your bf in your bed. I am pro co sleeping. I still co sleep with my 4 and 5 year olds. But if for some reason my husband and I split up, I would not want them in bed with his new gf or my new bf. Dad is not making an unreasonable request.
My children were small when my husband (their father) was killed in a motorcycle accident, when I started dating my now fiancé and eventually we all moved into a house together my youngest would sleep in the bed with us until this past summer. She only really knows him as her daddy as she was only a few months old when her father passed. But it didn’t bother me because I felt like if she didn’t want to sleep in our bed or for some reason felt uncomfortable with him she wouldn’t do it. So I’d maybe start trying to transition your child out of your bed so as not to make waves if their father is being decent but maybe gently let him know that eventually your child will be ready on their own.
I personally say your house your rules. He can do what he wants at his house but that may not help in the long run if you need him to change something.
My sons 4 and his bed is pushed up against mine and daddy sleeps in a another room. My baby will always come 1st and he sleeps better and so do I knowing hes right here with me. He will get his own room whenever hes ready for it. Did the same with my 14yr old. They grow up too fast and if they need their mommy then I’m here for it.
Your kids, your time, your home. No one else gets a say. What Dad does with his time is his choice and you have no control over that either. No matter how much you get along aside from this, that doesn’t mean you have to change your choices and lifestyle for him because he sure as hell wouldn’t for you. No matter how much you get along. Rule is - each parent has their own time and with that time they do as they see fit. Don’t stress over it, him or anyone’s negative opinions.
Tbh I think they should defo be in there own beds and in there own rooms by now because the older they are getting the harder it’s going to be to get them to settle into there own beds , I can see where there dad is coming from as he is there father and that kind of closeness should be with the kids parents , plus the fact it can’t be great for your relationship having to kids in the room with yous every night but defo try getting them into there own beds and own rooms if u can it will be better for them and yourself in the long run xx
I 100% don’t agree with letting a new man sleep with your kids. Also they’re big. They need to sleep on their own.
My daughter and I coslept (she’s always had her own bed and room) until recently she’s now 5 almost 6.Her father and I have been split since she was 6months old. The person I was with before was a father figure to her for 3.5yrs, her bio dad dipped out for 2 of those yrs. when I got with my now husband tho we quit “co-sleeping” because my husband has a daughter the same age and We wanted both kids to learn to sleep on their own and cuz I’m pregnant and we have 2 dogs in our bed too. My daughter just crawls into bed with me in the morning after my husband leaves and my step daughter will do the same.
I am all for co-sleeping but your dynamic changes because you have a boyfriend. I am sure he is amazing and loves your kids but really he should stay at his place if they sleep with you. I guess maybe switch it around, would you be comfortable with another woman sleeping with your kids? I don’t know all your details so I am not judging at all… nor have I ever been in your situation but in this case I feel your ex husband has a point in his feelings towards the issue. Do you know if his reasoning is because of the boyfriend or just in general? Good luck and at the end of the day the world can tell you what they think but you always go with your gut and what you want.
I would not have my kids sleeping with myself and a boyfriend. My son was 3 when I got with my now husband and he co slept with me until then. An infant, I would kinda understand but no to older kids. That just feels weird, honestly.
Your new man doesn’t want the room alone with you sometimes??
Aa a father he has concerns and I respect that especially since your boyfriend is in the bed with you. I think it’s best they sleep on their own.
The way you type this, it sounds like you know what the right answer is you’re just clinging to hope that people will validate you and your choice.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I think letting a boyfriend sleep in same bed is not good. Maybe work on getting them in their own beds at this age…