Should I change my way of thinking?

I am the stepmom of 11 and 6-year-old boys. I’ve been in the six-year-old life his entire life and have been for seven years in the 11-year-olds life. My husband and I ( my step kids dad) have a child together as well. I need advice on how my husband thinks that I need to do more than my stepkids’ biological mom. He has 50/50 custody and is always seeking to have them more days when he can, but he relies more on me to be there for them, and I feel that as their dad he should be the one more stepping up and me, of course, be there for them and support instead of him supporting and me taking charge of everything. Although they have their mom, he makes me feel like I need to fill THE Mom role since he feels she doesn’t step up as much as she should, and I feel that isn’t fair. I love those kids and want the best for them, and I push them to be the best they can be, but at times it can be hard. And I would like some advice if maybe I am unreasonable or maybe I need to change my way of thinking?


You signed up for that when you married him. Step parents are just as important and needed as biological parents. Change your way if thinking, those are YOUR kids now


I feel like he should be able to count on you to help him out so that he can be in his kids life as much as possible. Especially if the mother is allowing him to have her parenting time. I feel that way because I feel like if you’re in a serious relationship with someone… Their kids should be treated and taken care of as you would your own & you should be able to expect the same from him if you happened to have children that did not belong to him.

If my SO told me tomorrow that his daughter was moving in full time… I’d be at the store immediately getting what she needs to make our home hers–full time.

He also takes care of my 2 children who belong to my ex- physically mentally emotionally and financially… No questions asked as well as our two we have together alongside paying support for his daughter and a son he hasn’t been able to see for many years

They got caught in your barn. They are yours now.
They won’t need you forever and when it’s over, you’ll be glad that you did this. If you don’t do it and they see you holding back over their childhood when they become adults they will resent you. It may not be fair but this is life


When you married him you agreed that those children were yours to. It sounds more like to me he needs to step up and do more everywhere. There is no such thing as stepchildren and if you consider them stepchildren, and you feel like you do more than the mother and the father then you need to ask yourself how you truly feel about his children and him and decide what to do with your life.


I understand. My bf only get his kids every other weekend and is either asleep the whole time or not paying attention and I have to do it all. I know being w them means accepting their kids too but fathers need to step up

Suck it up that’s what you’re there for. They became your kids when he became your husband.


No their father needs to step up yea your children your bonus children but dad needs to pull more weight


Well done you ! Sounds like your a great mom and doing your best …if your husband feels that their mom isn’t stepping up he should speak to her about that …keep doing what your doing …good luck


I understand how you think THE mom role should belong to THE Mom… but if THE Mom isnt stepping up like she should… then the bigger question is why WOULDN’T you want to step up and be there for them??? You’re not trying to replace their mother… you’re just filling in the gaps… Anytime you marry someone who already has kids… you’re signing a blank check of what may be involved…

Join a step mom group on fb. It will be the best thing you ever do!!

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I suggest joining a SM group. There are a lot of women that go through the same thing you are. I think that you should not be doing more than mom and you did not sign up for anything, yet alone KNOW what you were signing up for some women that have kids and do not have to deal with the other parent dont know what it’s like. And of course they will be the ones saying “you knew what you were signing up for”.


Change your way of thinking :thinking:


To see a father trying to be a better one and having his new wife not supporting sucks… you should be willing to love and care for those children. Dont be the evil step mom (not saying that you are). Change your mind and be one big happy family

I don’t agree with that at all. YOU are their STEPMOM their mum is still their mum so you don’t have to step up to nothing. They already have their parents. You signed a marriage certificate not adoption papers and you have your own child. Don’t get me wrong you can be there for them while they’re at your house but you’re not obligated to be a parent to them. At the end of the day do what you think is right not what your husband thinks is right


WoW as a step parent myself i disagree with most of you on this.SMDH.I have children and they have a step dad and i do most for my kids and i expect him to do the same for his.All this when ya married and signed up shit can go rt out the window🤦.Im not gnna get into my story because i don’t sugar coat a dam thing and its not always shits n giggles in the Step Parent world no matter what ya do🤷But i have learned if it bothers you SPEAK UP.Your hubby needs to have a convo with his kids mother as to why she slacking?And he also needs to let it be known you are an individual thats not required to do what their mother does.If there are heavy serious issues and she just really cant take the kids on ok fine figure it out or move on💁He should be the one to try and do most for his children and not even put you in that spot unless you want it and clearly its bugging you otherwise we wouldn’t be on this post💁I totally feel you on it👍 Sally Sankar Exactly💯

I feel you should treat the children as your own, no different. All kids deserve love unconditionally, do the best that you can effortlessly and they will appreciate you. It is not a competition, you don’t have to please anyone. Happiness is measured by how it makes the quality of life better for you and others around you, just do the best you can with what you have and ignore any drama that comes with it, focus on having fun.


I have 2 step sons ages 3 and 2 as well as a 3 yr old son myself and a 4 month of babygirl. Their biological mom isn’t present in their lives at all, and they call me mommy, the way I see it they are my children even though it’s very difficult at times I love them the same way I do my biological kids and I love their father. Even on the hardest days I wouldn’t change it and even if my boyfriend and I ended up splitting up I would still take on the role of being their mom.

As a stepmom (been on this road also) all I can see is he is actually taking less responsibility for the kids then making it seem like you’re the bad guy.

Each situation is different.

Some moms who stay involved don’t want the stepmom to have say in anything but will expect them to do the work.

Some stepmoms say they will help take care of but it is not their entire responsibility. They are not wrong. At all.

Some stepmoms do all the work while dealing with shitty ass moms. Some moms try their best to get along with stepmom but stepmom lives up to the bad rep.

Don’t condemn a woman for not living up to your own version of what should happen. As long as she is good to the kids that’s all that matters


What is he doing… or does he want you to step it up and take the heat off him???