Should I Continue This Conversation with My Ex... Or Is He Trying to Start Things Back Up Again?

QUESTION:

"I need some opinions. So I’ve been separated from my husband for almost two years. I’ve been working on myself lately and going to therapy & one thing I decided to do was talk to my ex and apologize for what I did wrong in the marriage.

As soon as I did, he broke down crying, saying he didn’t want any of this. He’s still hurting from everything, and he married me so we could be a family, how he doesn’t like our son growing up in two different homes.

He then told me that he had a girlfriend, which I never knew about until this conversation; the conversation ended there because he had to go to work, and he wants to talk more about it later.

My friend thinks that it sounds like he wants to work things out, and I shouldn’t continue this conversation because he’s got a girlfriend and he already crossed some lines saying what he did while having a one. What do you all think?"

RELATED QUESTION: I Feel Guilty When I Go Out with My Ex and Our Kid: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“You did what you wanted, apologize for what you did wrong in the marriage. Was that all your intentions were. If so, keep working on yourself and making you a priority. But if there is still a flame, hear him out…”

“My husband and I were separated and both in ‘rebound’ relationships when he was killed in a motorcycle accident. We were trying so hard to work through our problems but we ran out of time. I guess my point is, if you’re even taking the two seconds to let the possibility of fighting for your marriage go through your head, do whatever it takes to at least give it that fighting chance. Marriage counseling. Anything.”

“It depends; I know several people who have gotten back together. He’d have to really show he could be a decent husband, but if you still love him and he loves you, take a breath and go to couples therapy together a few times to see if it’s worth working on.”

" I don’t think he crossed a line. Are you guys officially divorced??

I think some people meet at the wrong time and place and with growth and maturity people can make it work you guys obviously have a child together. I truly don’t see the harm in maybe dating. I definitely don’t recommend dropping your guard and moving back in. I feel like you’re posting this on here because you have some feelings towards him that are not resolved. I feel like if you were completely over him you wouldn’t even be considering getting back with him. You sound like a friend of mine that is absolutely in love with her husband and needed some time to work on herself before her marriage could work. A marriage is between a husband and wife keep your friends and your family out of your marriage is the most important key."

“Two years is a really long time to be separated. Honestly, I give you both credit for being honest to one another (you for apologizing and him for telling you about his GF). It is 100% worth the conversation. Marriages are so easy to throw away these days. Hear him out. I’m sure you both miss and love the best version of each other. Everyone evolves to a degree.”

“If there are still feelings for him, hear him out. Otherwise, you probably already said what you needed to.”

“Every situation and every person is different. Sometimes it takes a separation for 2 people to see their marriage for what it is, to make changes, and adjust. You do what’s in your heart and don’t listen to anyone else on the matter.”

“You have a son. It’s worth continuing the conversation whether it’s to get back together or get closure. Don’t stop communicating. It will be healthy to continue the conversation.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

28 Likes

You’re too far off on your own
Don’t turn back.

9 Likes

I think you definitely deserve the closure and respect to know what was really going on in your relationship but honey he cheated and in my experience it will happen again… like you said hes already said some things he shouldnt have as hes in a relationship currently. Being separated is hard but you can do this.

You did what you wanted, apologize for what you did wrong in the marriage. Was that all your intentions were. If so, keep working on yourself and making you a priority.

But if there is still a flame, hear him out…

22 Likes

Follow your gut
You must make it clear that you are respecting yourself these days

If there are still feelings for him, hear him out. Otherwise, you probably already said what you needed to.

6 Likes

First of all he didn’t really cross a line imo, second of all he has moved on, even if it still hurts he has moved his life to a different place.

4 Likes

I agree with ur friend. Never look back things get so much better!

2 Likes

It depends I know several people who have gotten back together He’d have to really show he could be a decent husband but if you still love him and he loves you Take a breath and go to couples therapy together a few times to see if it’s worth working on.

9 Likes

Whatever you decide ultimately will be based on numerous things. You know in your soul what to do. Hugs. Nobody can say anything except an opinion. Life is hard. Miscommunication makes it harder.

He’s your husband. Do what you feel is the right thing. Nobody can tell you how to feel. If you want to have the conversation and see where it goes then do it. It’s your life and you have to do what’s best for you

3 Likes

Youre his ex wife, hes allowed to have some feelings there still if he does. Just because he has a gf doesnt mean you two cant continue to communicate better. Even if ypu dont get back together ypull be able to find some common ground and maybe even be less resentful towards each other in the longrun.

3 Likes

Separated doesn’t mean divorced, there is always time to make your marriage work if that’s what you to wanted to do. If not than at least you two can be better parents and communicate better.

4 Likes

I don’t think he crossed a line. Are you guys officially divorced??
I think some people meet at the wrong time and place and with growth and maturity people can make it work you guys obviously have a child together. I truly don’t see the harm in maybe dating. I definitely don’t recommend dropping your guard and moving back in. I feel like you’re posting this on here because you have some feelings towards him that are not resolved. I feel like if you were completely over him you wouldn’t even be considering getting back with him. You sound like a friend of mine that is absolutely in love with her husband and needed some time to work on herself before her marriage could work. A marriage is between a husband and wife keep your friends and your family out of your marriage is the most important key.

8 Likes

If there’s still feelings there I say work it out but if there is none than move on from it it depends on situation to if there’s something that you feel it can be repaired I’d definitely give it another shot because sometimes things can be broken but be fixed but it all depends if there’s feelings and you both want to fix it

1 Like

Hmmm… Yu have to ask yourself if you still love him… If you do, hear him out! But, if the reason you left still haunts you, let him be.

2 Likes

If there’s love still there then hear him out

Well you have a family with him and the other doesn’t. Maybe he just had her trying to heal from you. Clearly it didn’t work. If he still loves you and you love him why not try. For you and the baby

1 Like

When dating someone who is not fully divorced, them getting back together, is a part of what COULD happen. If he doesn’t want the divorce and wants to work it out, his having a girlfriend not not going to stop that.

4 Likes

No, let him bring it up. If he bring it’s up possibility he wants to reconcile. It’s up to you if your wanting to work it out or move on. That means both parties willing to put the work and effort in. Good luck!

2 Likes