Should I cut my sister in law out or try to talk to her about our issues?

I’m having issues with my sister in law. I have been with my finance for over seven years, and he has helped raise my son since he was three months old. My issues started over the summer. On mother’s day, we went to her house for a bbq, and her son, who’s autistic and nonverbal, was going around spitting on everyone, and she was right there not doing anything about it—just telling him to stop. He spits in my face, and that was the final straw for the day, and I told my fiance it was time to go. A couple of weeks later, my sil was blowing up our phones because she wanted my step daughter for the day. When my finance said that wasn’t fair, she took one and not the other she said well he could come, but last time he was over, he didn’t listen. He better listen and behaves. My mil had taken him swimming at my sil house the week before, and my son has ADHD and was excited, and I guess I was having some trouble listening. We just kept him home. Come July, and she didn’t wish my son a happy birthday but come October, and she’s quick to wish my stepdaughter a happy birthday and buy her a bunch of stuff for her birthday. I told my fiance I’m over the favoritism and I’m not spending Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve at her house. We have done it for the past six years, and I wanna do our own thing. Earlier this week, she made a Facebook post about how she’s an aunt to 5. purposely left my son out. that really made us mad yesterday was Christmas at sil house. I stayed home with my son. My fiance said why to take him if he isn’t welcome. Well, his aunt’s aunt where my son was, and he explained the situation, and she said it was childish to keep him home for that reason. Well his sister in law didn’t get my son any presents but made sure to get my stepdaughter plenty. They really hurt, and I ended up crying, telling my fiance that my son didn’t deserve any of this and asked what he did wrong. she wanted to play aunt for the past six years then just quit all of a sudden. She gets everything she wants and throws a fit if something does not go her way. She also does not discipline her kids but wants to complain about other kids. Am I wrong for being upset? Would you say something to her and just cut ties? My fiance didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to start a fight yesterday, which I understand but I feel something needs to be said, and if I do it, it’s not going to be pretty

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Be the better mom and let your son be happy. Don’t let him miss out on family events. This is hard, I know. But it all works out in the end,for your son, fiancé and most of all you!!!

It’s this simple. If your fiancè says he has 2 children then they should be treated the same. Never allow favoritism. If they don’t do for one then don’t allow for the other.

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I would have already crawled her butt!! You don’t treat a kid like that for ANY reason! I wouldn’t accept any gifts from her for either child! If she can’t treat them equally, she can’t see either of them. And if his family sides with her, so be it. Your fiancé needs to side with you and let her know that you two won’t tolerate her bad behavior any more. She needs to grow up

I would say something but I also wouldn’t allow her gifts to be given to your step daughter. You are a family unit and each member deserves respect. No one can shunt one member and not another. Write her a letter and have your fiancee read and sign it too

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Your fiancé should have already stepped up and put his sister in her place. If he claims your son as his then he shouldn’t let them be treated differently. Also, he shouldn’t have left y’all home and gone to her house for the holidays.

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ask her if there is something u and or your son did to upset her maybe she will tell u maybe it’s something u don’t realize. then u can have a civil conversation. if she says no then tell her all the things u just said here and go from there… but even if she is upset by something she shouldn’t take it out on a child

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It’s a tuff situation…I know for a fact my son would not go back to her house…shes the one being petty…I believe that one day you will be the one blow up…and she will deserve all that you give her…I dont think your man should say anything…but he does need to take up for you an yalls son…it seems like this has been going on longer than what you say…regardless your son does not deserve her behavior toward him…its probably much worse when you are not around

Don’t let her have either. If can’t treat equally and get for both she needs stay away

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You and your son are a package deal . Your man should speak to his family in a nice way , that enough is enough ! Actions speak louder than words :pray:

Your fiancé should have stopped it along time ago…after 7 years of ‘fiance’ he should be gone …be strong

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Just stay home. Don’t attend.
We had something similar as far as family drama. We weren’t part of it but anyways. We had a step child in the family and both Dad and son are hated. We love the Aunt and the biological daughter. But we all dislike this person because he would come to family reunions and hit on the girls and say he wasn’t blood anyways. It was disgusting and the dad didn’t stop his son. He would tell the step mom she wasnt shit and his mom would woop her. So when he was of age he wasn’t invited. He literally graduated 2-3 months later knocked a gal up and enlisted. Then had the baby and dissed everybody. Demanded gifts. Then started calling the other grandbabies ugly. Honestly it was a shit show.
Our other step kids in the family all get along fine. We make it as equal as we can. However sometimes there is some bad apples amongst them.

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Speak up! It’s apparent the SO isn’t going to. I wouldn’t care if it hurt any of his family because none of them are standing up for your child, not even the step dad. Put a stop to it now because it will only get worse as the child gets older. I would also tell SO if he can’t support you and stay home too, he needs to reevaluate your relationship. (7years as a fiancé means, to put it blunt, why buy the cow when the milk is free!! He isn’t serious about you or your child.)

Well I guess you got one up on him. Your Not Married to him yet… maybe you need to put him in his place before you marry him. Someone obviously has more control over him than you do. That’s the 1st sign that u need to address with him. Its wrong what his family is doing.

The fiancé should’ve put his foot down… it is his family so it is his place !

Life’s to short for petty stuff like this. Either she loves all her niece’s and nephews or none at all. That would be like doing that to one of your own children! It’s childish and uncalled for. You need to set things straight! I know it can be hard but kids need their moms to be their voice and let it allllllllllll be heard!!! And if she doesn’t like it then she can fuck off.

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I’ve been married 20 yrs and in a relationship for 30 w my husband. SIL has always been a beotch. I put zero effort. No loss. My kids def aren’t wanted by any of that family. I just do me. We all know we don’t like each other BUT my kids won’t feel that, I won’t allow it. We don’t interact any more, I used to send pics, I don’t but I put them all over fb so they can see my kids. Karma, u can see but you act like they aren’t important, they will show you that you aren’t. We hold our heads high and I say what needs to be said when needed. We don’t emphasize these people, these are just people we are related too. That doesn’t mean they care. I have a stepson who I raised(he’s 25 now). From day 1 I told my family that he is my child and he will be part of our family. My family included him in everything, my sisters were his aunt’s, my parents his grandparents. Demand it or they can not be part of any of it

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I say do both. Say how you feel and cut ties. And if your SO does not want to do the same. Cut ties there too. It is your job to not allow any kind of bulling to happen to your child.

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The daughter should not be punished for her aunt’s stupidity.
Explain it to the daughter in terms that she can understand and ask her to leave the gifts at grandmas house to play with so she won’t upset your son.

Finance needs to stand up to his Sister. I bet she stops acting childish.