I have a question to be asked anonymously. I have two children, a boy (12) and a girl (7). I divorced and left their dad three years ago. I have a relationship with a wonderful man for one year. The children’s father was physically and emotionally abusive towards both the children and me. He was actually charged with abusing my son, but the charges were dropped by the state’s attorney claiming that they think he beat him, but they didn’t have enough evidence to put him in jail. That was three years ago. Since the divorce, my kids have to see him every weekend because that’s what the parenting plan ended up being- the court told me I had to agree to it or I couldn’t have the divorce. Over the years, he has made fun of me and my family and boyfriend to my children. They don’t seem to really remember or want to remember the abuse we went through. All they talk about is how their dad is so nice to them and how they want to live with him. He has no job; he lives with his mom, who is retired. She pays for the food for the kids when they’re there. He pays for his video games selling pot. The house is disgusting. Trash everywhere, and he once took his 14-year-old niece to get tattooed pretending to be her dad. My question is, should I fight for sole custody even though my children adore him? He’s a horrible person and bad influence, but I feel like they would hate me forever if I did it. What should I do?
Seems like info is missing!
No. If they want to be in their dads life, let them.
I hate when mums do this.
And I’d watch how you approach the situation because if you force. They very well could make the choice to live with him. Most states say 12 or 14 you can make that decision.
You’re looking out for their best interest the worst that will happen is things will stay the same, right?
Your only going to make your kids upset. When they grow up they will see what you have done and what he does. You could possibly go to court and have it where he can’t talk bad about you and your husband to the kids.
Their old enough to make their own decisions
Leave it alone. If he’s not harming them, it’s spiteful to file for custody, which you likely won’t receive. His past will have nothing to do with a new custody case. If the house is in a condition you believe is unsafe for this children, report it to CPS and let them sort it out. If they forget the abuse and only remember his being nice to them, good. That means they may have either resolved the trauma or it wasn’t as horrible for them as you think it was. I’m not sure what mother in their right mind would even think of attempting to remove or modify a custody and visitation agreement that has been working for 3 years, nor a judge that would allow it, especially without some change in circumstance to justify it. Go to counseling if you have to. This is a you issue, not one of your children. Good luck.
Just leave it. It can’t be that bad if the kids want to live with him. Sounds like your feelings are hurt because you say he makes fun of you and your bf. Just zip your lip. Don’t breathe a word against their father. If he’s that bad, they’ll figure it out. And if he’s not, your kids will hate you for speaking badly about their dad.
If he’s being a good father now let him be… I’m sure ur kids at ghat age are able to tell u if and when he does something wrong…
I bet there is more to the story. Here’s the thing…you cant just “get full custody” because you want it. You’d need proof of the abuse. And dropped charges don’t really count
Family law is the hardest of all to work with. There are so many variables, and need absolute proof, not just he said she said. With that being said, only answer is to talk to an attorney and have them guide you. I have two different situations with my children, but I dont let my disdain for their father to ruin their relationship with them. It is about the children, if they are happy, healthy and want the contact no reason to mess with that.
Unless you have proof of all of that, you’ll not get what you’re looking for. I’m kindof going through the same situation. However, it was more mental and emotional abuse. Talking poorly about me to my kids & making them hate me, not wanna come home, be disrespectful, call me names etc. & goodluck trying to prove that’s going on. It may be different, cause your children are older. & they make take an older child words more serious than a younger child. Mine are 3 & 5 & my 5 year old said most of the serious stuff. My youngest would come back saying she didnt like me and she wanted to run away to daddies etc etc. Even with a counselor it wouldnt of helped my situation. However, if the children dont want to live with dad, get them a lawyer, and have them decide for themselves. Make a motion, and bring it to trial and see where it goes. If the kids think its filthy and they dont want to be there, well your kids are the one who needs to take the pictures and provide you with them. Otherwise, theres no proof to what your saying. My children’s father was being charged with criminal harassment towards me and endangerment to his kids, and was racist, hate crimes through texts, etc. Nothing was done. He still got his kids every weekend, split holidays etc. Only thing that changed ANYTHING was him eventually not following through his visits, and such. Than it got taken away from every weekend, to every other weekend only 1 day of the weekend. Still split holidays. But I have sole custody and he has access. It all depends on what’s truly best for ur kids and since they’re of age to voice it, it’s what THEY want. Goodluck.
So what I’m getting is you’re mad they like their dad? Pathetic.
Leave it alone if the kids want that relationship and there’s been no further abuse. People grow and change for the better once free of toxic relationships. He probably is nice to them. Let them have their father. If he truly is as bad as you say his true colors will come out and the kids will tell you. Once the kids tell you they’re done that’s all you would need but at this point just leave it as is and let them have a relationship with their father. What he did to you in the past is null and void, you’re free of it.
It isn’t about you…more that he makes fun of you…it is about your kids. If they adore him…and he now is not abusive, then do not intervene. They have a right to have their dad in their life.
Sounds like she went through hell and is upset because her kids dont understand what they had went through before which thank goodness they don’t but if it was any other MOM, They would feel the same as you but kids are kids they won’t understand more till they are older just try and raise them the best you can you can do this mama! but dont talk bad about their father back even though he does it just ignore it things will change .
Your kids will resent you if you take their dad away. Fyi…do not speak badly about him in front of your kids! He should not either, they will resent him too!
You sound selfish and jealous. It’s not about you, it’s about the children. They are happy with him and want to live with him and not you.