I had been with my SO for a few years now. We both have kids from previous relationships, and one together who is 1. During this time, I had accused him of being back on drugs when things got bad. The other day during a bad fight, he admitted it. We are currently separated. Usually, he can turn things around. And he will be an amazing guy. One who has my back. But when he is on drugs, I can just tell… he turns into a vile man who isn’t safe to leave the kids with. I love him and understand addiction is a disease. But when do you call it quits and stop fighting for someone? I have screenshots and recordings of him admitting this. I don’t know if I will need it, but I’ll be damned if I don’t. His mother is away on vacation for a few months. I don’t want to bother her, but I also know I need to talk to her. I just. I can’t afford to move out until tax time. I am stuck here either way. I am pretty lost and need input from people who have dealt with someone who was an addict, please.
This is a tough one. If you want your marriage to work he needs to go to rehab. Straighten out get sober and continue meeting, even if its online na meetings. If you love him and want it to work out you need to be his support. If hes tried to get real help before and your just done with the whole deal then i say you have every right to feel like leaving and you shoukd reach out to family and friends who would be willing to help you get out if this situation. Watching someone you love lose themselves and become an addict is not easy by any means #daughterofanaddict every situation is different and the measures taken are never enough as an addict he will forever struggle with the need to get high. Even 30 or 40 years sober the urge will still tempt him. Ive attended numerous online na meetings to try and understand my mothers choices, every single member who spoke said the same thing. 10 20 30 years sober and they still ocasionally get an urge. Your decision to file for divorce or stick by his side should be based in whether or not you think you can handle the process.
If you leave (which you should) do not go back and forth. That is just as bad for the kids as it is letting them live with an addict. There is nothong wrong with finding stability for you and your children while he tries to find his sober self.
I’m personally not one who believes that addiction is a disease. Just an opinion. However I have known people who struggle with addiction ( one of which, boy can he be mean ). Its hard to deal with. But in the end, you have to let them go. A person has to hit rock bottom before they will realize it’s their time to quit. They have to want to do it for them. It’s not about you or the kids, it’s about them. They have to want it badly enough. You cant force someone to quit. And I know it’s hard. Esp when kids are involved.
What’s more important? Your kids safety? Or a drug addict?
he’s not safe to leave around your kids, leave him.
Leave. My husband is former addict and things didn’t get better until they got worse and he hit rock bottom and got help. It’s okay to tell him “I love you, but can’t have you around the kids until you’re serious about getting clean.” And stick to it. He will need support but do not enable him.
I feel like you kinda already know the answer here. Is he safe to be around the kids? I’d the answer is no then you need to go. If he gets his crap stright down the road fine but right here and right now the kids are the absolute most important ones in the situation. Drugs + kids= big no no and if cps finds out you knowingly have your children in a home with an admitted drug addiction they will remove them from your care. Dont wait till you are forced to remove them to do so
Prayers for you and you family
Left after 21 years of abuse and turning into an alcoholic myself. Keep to yourselves wothout much direct contact then get the hell out at tax time. And don’t change your mind. xoxo
Kick him out. File what you need to for support and request full custody pending his ability to provide a clean 10 panel hair follicle drug test and with his agreement to submit to random drug tests as stipulated by the courts. If and when he can meet those requirements, joint custody can be discussed. This isn’t pot. This is serious and addicts can and do go off the deep end and hurt people they love. The kids have to come first. They didn’t ask for what they were born into and it’s your job to be their protector. It’s a heavy responsibility. Good luck.
Addiction is not a diasese I’m sorry U have a choice to take drugs I was with a addict and made many excuses for him never again will I ever put my children in that position ever they will never change there compulsive liars and it’s all about them I thought my ex partner had my back too until I heard all the stuff he was saying when I wasn’t around do yourself and kids a huge favour and never go back
Come on. She admitted she loves him. That all that matters at the end of the day. As long as she loves him, she will be there for him.
Addiction is not a disease. It’s a personal choice. You can’t walk outside and catch “meth head”. You need to leave sooner than later. If you stay you’re putting your kids and self at risk.
I was raised by an addict and am married to an addict. And there were some tough years. My husband liked percocet but would do anything as long as he got high. Deep down I knew long before there was evidence that he was using. The day he put my daughter in a car while he was high wss the ay I threw him out. I was raised by an addict and was determined my daughter would not go through that. I would cry every night he was gone but every morning I got up and handled my business for my daughters sake. For six months he lived in a tiny camper. Some nights it dropped below zero. I had to tell myself this was his choice over and over again. He had one hour suprivised visits when I had the time. I didn’t love him any less during this time I was just choosing to do what was best for my child. Our story has a happy ending. He has been clean for six years now. By the grace of God he found rock bottom before his addiction killed him.
You’ll have to make this decision for yourself and even 100 people telling you the same thing, in the end it’s your decision. LEAVE speaking from experience. Don’t just leave. Leave and truly focus on yourself and being the best you can be. Don’t run into another mans arms. Patience is the key to success!