Should my four year old daughter be allowed to call my fiance Daddy (insert the first name)? Some background… I have a four-year-old daughter that I share custody 50/50 with her father. Her father and I separated in June of 2018, and our divorce was final as of December 31 2019. I am with a new and have been with him for one year and four months; we are getting married as soon as all this COVID craziness is over. My fiance and I are going in tomorrow (April 28) to have our daughter. Now my four-year-old absolutely loves my fiance and calls him Daddy (his first name). I had left it up to her as to what she wanted to call him as I feel it should be the child’s choice as to what to call a step-parent. My ex has heard her calling my fiance Daddy as she has been calling him that for almost a year, and never once has he said that he had any problem with it. Well, last night, I got a message from him saying that it bothers him and that we need to correct her and not let her call my fiance Daddy. Right after I got a message from my ex’s mom pretty much saying that I was a bad mother for letting my daughter call my fiance Daddy and that he is “only a stepdad and doesn’t deserve the title of Daddy,”… I feel that it should be my daughter’s choice to call my fiance Daddy or not. My fiance loves her like his own and has treated her like his own since he first met her… I feel like if we stop her from calling him Daddy at this point, right after her sister is born, when it was never a problem before, that it will confuse and hurt her and make her think that he doesn’t love her and that she isn’t as important to him now that her sister is here… I don’t know what to do at this point; any advice would be helpful.
I agree with her bio dad. He’s present & it makes him uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want my children calling anyone else mom. My bonus babies call me Jacqueline. They know I love them and would do anything for them. Actions speak louder than words. It’s a lot less confusing than you would think.
Whatever your daughter is comfortable with. Biological dad needs to look at it from a different perspective, none of it is to hurt him. Only to help the daughter feel more comfortable and involved and honestly it’s a good thing your daughter likes him that much. Be understanding of course of where Dad is coming from though
I AGREE with the childs Father! He is Present and Active in his child’s life, HE SHOULD BE RESPECTED! I too am Divorced and REMARRIED, Our son calls our partner’s by thier NAMES, Mommy and Daddy are referred to as Mommy and Daddy. Its wonderful she loves your Fiancee, Allowing her to call him Daddy is Disrespectful to her FATHER, personally I wouldn’t TOLERATE it
My daughter calls me and her her stepmom “mommy”
She started when she was about 3 and it did bother me for a while but now its second nature. I call her “your other mommy” now also… Its an awkward transition, but her other mama has been in the picture since she was 2 and is a wonderful part of my daughters life.
It should of been discussed honestly. Thats an important title. In my situation I call my bonus child my daughter. She calls me by my name and once in a great while mom. But its something we all agreed was okay
I called my step dad , daddy since the age of 7…they got together when I was 6. I am now 44…and STILL call him daddy. My biological father is my father… The man that was there when I had nightmares, started my period, had my first heartbreak, started junior high, started highschool, graduated, had my child, etc etc is the one that deserved the title of daddy. Blood makes a father…not a daddy. My father was still there, but he was not there every single day for me, or the middle of the night when I had a nightmare…my daddy was.
That’s a tough one. I think I would have waited until after the wedding. And discussed before.
Her dad is present in her life. He as a right to feel the way he does.
So you are saying she calls the step dad daddy Tom( or whatever his first name is) she calls her bio dad daddy. Don’t see why that is an issue. She knows the difference between the 2 men. I would apologize to bio dad for not thinking about it hurting him and also explain why you don’t want to tell her she is not allowed to call the step dad daddy Tom anymore. If dad truly loves his daughter he will not want her to feel less than in her own home. He is a big boy and can understand a lot better than she can right now. The more people who love the children and make them feel save the better.
My son called my husband dad when he was younger and my husband and I corrected it the first time he did.My husband explained to him that he loves him like his own Son but he only has one dad and his dad is present so I agree with the bio dad. I mean I wouldn’t like it if my son called anyone else mum, and rightfully so I am his only mum. If the dad wasn’t present that would be a different story. Each to their own I guess.
My child call me new husband daddy chris and their dad just daddy there is no issue
I think it’s disrespectful unless the bio dad agrees.
I totally agree with Laura Deeds-Hale - your precious little girl knows with all her heart who her real dad is and truly loves him but loves her future new step-dad as well which she calls daddy(his name) and it is wonderful that she feels that comfortable and loved to be able to that and since she has been doing it for so long and nothing was said until now it’s seems it might be a tat of jealousy there with your new baby coming - they are going to be siblings and since she is with you 50/50 it’s normal she does this and I’m sure she has never called her bio dad by this other man’s name when calling out for her daddy when she is with him - and I feel you wouldn’t have an issue if he were with someone new and your daughter felt loved and comfortable and called her mommy(her name) when with them - have an open heart to heart with your ex and see if you can come to an understanding for her sake bc if you start “correcting” her now it could cause her issues that she isn’t going to understand at this age. Good Luck sweetie and I think it’s awesome that she has two awesome daddies to love her.
Put yourself in her father place would you like if she called your ex wife mom? I wouldn’t
Sorry but with bio dad in the picture and having her half the time, he definitely should have a say.
You are absolutely wrong for allowing this. She already has a Daddy. Also, I don’t know what state you are in, but this violates the Shared Parenting Guidelines in Florida. There’s a possibility, depending on your state, that you could be in trouble with the courts for this.
My oldest calls her step dad just dad her sisters call him joshy ( Josh is his name) they’re dad does not mind because he’s part of their life as a father figure just like I don’t mind if they ever start calling their step mom mom we all have a good relationship and we show r kids that. Mom and dad are just titles its how kids are treated that matters.
I would talk to your daughter and your ex together with your partner ask your daughter why she calls him dad and if actual father is uncomfortable maybe compromise with a different name. Also don’t tell your daughter she is wrong or In trouble.
MY OPINION is if you can have a civil conversation with both bio dad and soon to be step dad and find out what everyone one is comfortable with my step children called me momma tori so personally I see not problem in it but every situation is dealt with differently… I can see both sides just do what is best for your daughter no matter what! Children are resilient and no matter the decision when she’s older she call him what she wants… also I call my step dad pop so other version of dad can be discussed
My oldest (24yo now) called her father [first name]-Daddy and my late husband Daddy-[first name]. Her father was in and out and barely around until she was almost 3…my late husband was there from the time she was 18 months until his death. She now calls her father “Dad” and still refers to my late husband as “Daddy.”
His wife has been her bonus mom since she was almost 3…and she calls us both Mom now but when she was young she called me “Mommy” and her “Mom.”
Seems kind if late in the game to me to suddenly want her to change what she calls your fiance if Dad has been fine with it up until now. Also I would be wary of doing it with the new baby coming because she could feel it is a rejection of her because of the baby.
Good luck to you…whatever you decide to do. Just keep her best interests at heart. Honestly to me that is more important than her father (an adult) suddenly feeling it needs to change.