Should I let my daughter meet her father again?

Should I reintroduce my daughter to her father … Have just received a message from my ex (5yo daughter’s biological father) after not hearing from him for three years that he wants to discuss seeing our daughter. I have tried to go through mediation on two separate occasions before giving up on him taking on any responsibility. This resulted in him “forgetting” to turn up. She has no memory of him and, over time, has come to her own understanding that my now partner is her dad, who has been nothing but amazing in caring for and supporting the both of us. We also have a 7-month-old baby boy. I am very conflicted on what the right thing to do is… as I believe she does have a right to know who her dad is but still being of a young age, I don’t want to confuse and upset her, especially as she is about to start school and this is already a stressful time. He has never contributed in any way (financially or otherwise), and I never tried to claim for anything from him. My main reason for this was my own anxiety towards him after finally leaving a very abusive relationship. My daughter and I still have a wonderful relationship with his sister, who has always given us support and often visits and had remained a part of our lives. He has tried to put the blame on me for not seeing his daughter however has not until now tried to contact me, and I have never changed my phone number or email address, which he has always had. I also have concerns regarding her safety and what he might try to tell her or get her to believe… If I don’t reply, I think he will use that as another excuse for his behavior, which I honestly don’t have a problem with if that means my daughter is safe and happy but I am unsure if this is the right thing to do or if my daughter will in future resent this decision. Thanks in advance for any advice in this difficult situation.

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Nope. His pattern isn’t going to change. It’s all about what’s convenient for him at that time. Been dealing with that for 17years. Comes and goes as he pleases … and finally my 17 year old had , had enough. And it hurts your kid far more than you can imagine letting them come and go.

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I would say he has to definitely show he can put in the foot work.

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Absolutely not, and since it’s been 3 yrs with no contact get a lawyer and take any rights he has left away ur mom ur 1st job is to protect

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Offer him to come to your place. That way you can control the situation.
If he really wants to see her he will come and be respectful.
If he doesn’t then you know your answer.
But just say your going to introduce him slowly to her if he shows up

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If this is his behavior AND he was abusive I would sadly say don’t do it… Maybe if you really wamt to allow him at your home for visits. Or at his sisters with you there. Please be careful and safe.

Nope. Easy one try go through mediation again and if he shows then go from there. Make sure there’s a proper order laid out before hand. If he doesn’t show then you know he didn’t mean it

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She does have the right to know her father. And, if you don’t let her know him, in the future, she’ll learn that he at one point tried and you turned him away. And that’s what she’ll hold on too. And she’ll resent you. For that one decision. She will learn the truth one day. No matter how hard you try to keep it from her or hide it. It will come out. And you’ll be the one to get the brunt of it. Let him know her. Slowly. On your terms. Supervised at first. For awhile. Until he proves himself and shows you he’s changed and really wants to be around. But, for your child, don’t be the one to close the door. Don’t let her know when he’s coming for visits. So she won’t be disappointed. Or let down. Set up certain times and days that he has to be there for visits. Etc

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Absolutely not. It’s going to hurt your child deeply if his pattern continues and it most likely will.

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I think you need to listen to your mumma bear instincts on this. He’s always been able to contact you but he hasn’t until now so you need to find out why, what’s changed. Do some digging. You’ll only feel comfortable with your daughter seeing him if you feel comfortable. Also speak to a lawyer. Find out your responsibilities in regards to all this. Document every occasion he’s attempted to contact you and what was discussed. If he’s really serious about this make him come to you or meet him at a mutual location that’s closer to you. He needs to put the work in. Good luck and stay safe.

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I’d say not yet. She is young and at a weird age where she is not in those early years where she won’t ever remember him not being there, she does not remember him ever being there and honestly as someone who was in the child perspective going through this type of situation, I think it would be way too confusing for her at this age. When she is older, if he still has interest and SHE WANTS to know him, go for it slowly. That is what my mom did with me. She gave me that choice when I was 11 and even then it was very difficult for me to understand the “why now” perspective and the “why couldn’t he have been better then”, “why wasn’t I enough then” stages even though my biological father had completely changed his life for the better and we have a great relationship now. It definitely caused major issues for me mentally growing up through my early teen years and it was hard. Just my personal experience

Maybe have him see her when the sister is about? That way you have support and he can be introduced to her in a controlled manner? Might help your anxiety also and then u have support your daughter is still around people she knows and trusts and her and her father can maybe build up a sort of relationship that way? And you can still be in control. Good luck either way you go :slightly_smiling_face:

I believe you should and let your child decide with out you doing it for them. If you refuse that could turn into anger you kept him away in your childs head. Also a child has a right to meet both their parents. If you refeain from saying bad things even if they are true and allow your child to see for them self i bet my last dollar your child will chose to not spend that much time with him. But children who are told no on this issue will eventually find a way. Better to be open about the meeting so you can be there to help heal the broken heart then them get a broken heart and feel they have to keep it secret from you why. I am not just saying things here either. I have practiced this belief with my own son. When he was young he was angry and hurt. As he got older he just decided it was his fathers loss and not his. And he respects all the time and effort i put in to raise him alone he respects me. He also does not feel im the reason his father is a deadbeat. Honesty is always the best policy and you stand to clear alot of resentment up in your childs life by not sheilding them in matters like this. Its tough love. Either way they hurt but they heal better when they know their mom did all she could to help make a relationship with a father. We only hurt our kids when we deny them the right to at least see for them selves. God bless you I hope my advice helps a bit.

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If he wants to see her and have a relationship, then maybe let it go thru the courts. If he really wants to be there then he will show up otherwise leave her out of it until he proves otherwise. It’s not going to be an easy decision either way. Just do best for you and your daughter.

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I wouldn’t let him just yet.

You don’t get to leave then just show up and make demands.

He can go to court if he’s serious.

Don’t put your baby in more stress

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That’s a really hard one. If he is not a safety issue then I would allow it. Of course supervised. She may be a child but she’s not dumb and she will realize that he is unstable and not want to be in his life. But at least you did not keep them apart

Sounds like he has a new love interest and trying to show that he’s a good dad. Been there done that he will move on

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I would set something up however I would have your husband and your daughter’s fathers sister that she is familiar with all present and not state that that man is her biological father. Let them get to know each other before that discussion is made. To give him the opportunity to show that he is active first as a friend than as a father.

Absolutely not! The fact that he was abusive, would be enough for me to say no. You and your daughters safety, needs to come first.

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As a parent who has been thru serious child custody/visitation problems with the other parent, my advice is to get an attorney or contact your attorney ASAP. If you don’t have a formal custody/visitation agreement in place, then the father has just as much right to the child as you do (by law). This means he can legally abscond with the child if he wants. You have concerns since dad was abusive to you in the past, so that’s just one more reason to get an attorney. You MUST do things the legal way or you will be very sorry. If dad really wants a relationship with the child, he’ll go thru the process. Good luck to you.

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