Should I let my niece text her bio mom or just stay out of it?

I’m in a dilemma. I apologize if this is long and if this is all over. I think of my niece as my first child. I pretty much shared time with her dad, even back when her parents were together. Her mom was there but not. She always seemed to care more about herself, her oldest child, and her next boyfriend. Needless to say. Eventually, the mom set the dad (my family member) as the primary caretaker. Now I don’t know the full story since my husband and I are not as close to them as we once were. I do know this; at one time, her oldest child turned the bio mom in for threatening to spank her. She lost custody of the two kids she had living her home. At that time, four kids two lived with there dads; now, she has five. Two kids live with her. Three live with there dads or his family members. She wasn’t allowed to make contact with the kids until the courts gave the ok. Eventually, she was allowed to see her kids again. Well within this past year or so. The dad and stepmother said the mom had made no attempt to make contact. From what I put together, she was in an abusive relationship, and the guy didn’t want my niece over. Well, the mom left that guy. I heard from a different family member she was trying to get in contact with the stepmom back in July. I told that family member to have her message me, and I would try and help. She never did, so I let it go. I took my niece to the store with me the other day. We ran into the bio mom. She told my niece she wanted her to come to stay with her and how she’s been texting the stepmom. I told the dad. The dad said she never got ahold of them. My problem is the stepmom she is a very jealous person. You could see the jealousy every time a niece showed me love and how I had stories when she was a baby. The stepmom has said over and over she wished her child’s dad and my nieces mom would sign over their rights where they could adopt the kids so they would be a “family”. In my opinion, the stepmom could be pretending not to have gotten her texts. There have been many times I’ve asked for my niece or even both the kids, and she has ignored me (she thinks her kid and my niece have to do everything together). Shes acted like she’s never seen the texts. I don’t think the dad or bio mom has made contact since that day. I can see my niece is hurting that she hasn’t talked to her mom. I have her mom’s number. I was thinking about letting her call and text her mom when she is over. I want to know should I let her talk to her mom, or should I stay in my place? Her bio mom and I have never really liked each other just stayed civil for my niece. She also never told me no when I asked for her. She held off throwing a party to let me have her because I had previous tickets for a show; she also knew my niece would rather go with me than her sister’s birthday party. To me, this is me paying her back in a way. Thank youI also would like to add when the bio mom saw her kid at the store. My niece was telling her mom proudly about her report card; the mom started talking about her older sister, who she got custody back this past year, and her newest child and her new husband. The daughter asked her to go to her dad’s home to talk to the dad, and the mom has never shown up to see her or anything. They all live in the same town.

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Thats a tough one. Could the step mom be hiding it sure…but could the bio mom really not be reaching out…sure…
I would first try to get proof that bio mom has in fact reached out. Im sure she could ss texts or something. That would ease my heart a bit.
On the other hand if you just let the girl msg her mom it could open a can of worms.
Perhaps the best idea would be to get EVERYONE together for a “play day”…where everyone could all be together and talk about things and kids could be kids.

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I’d help the girl talk to her mom, to me it seems like the right thing to do. She doesn’t seem like a danger to the girl and your neice will surely be capable of voicing her concerns should any arise.

She lives in the same town and already got her older child back her baby, is remarried and still hasn’t made contact with dad? Stay out of it. Your niece is hurting because her Bio mom has said she wants her and has been asking for her but her actions say otherwise. Step mom doesn’t seem jealous she seems overprotective sure but I’m sure she loves your niece too. She sees her as her own child too she may be going about it all wrong but she loves her.

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That is a TOUGH question…
If your impression of stepmom is accurate, then I’d say your theory may be correct.
Pull dad aside and speak with him privately. Tell him what your niece wants.
That if mom isn’t sincere (which is probably his concern) its something she’s going to have to find out for herself sooner or later and its best for that to happen with her family there to help get her through it.
Offer to supervise the phone calls.

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The bio mom should contact the dad, not the stepmom.
If you go behind their backs and let her talk to her, you are putting your relationship with the child at risk.

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What happens if your niece gets close to mom and mom backs away again. Then your niece will suffer .

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I would say yes. Step mom could definitely be lying about no contact. And maybe she doesn’t show up to dads house because she may know she aint welcome.
Like I wouldn’t show up to my daughters dads house because they wouldnt even open the door. And they always bad mouth me in front of my kid when she visits with them. As well as never answer when I call or reply to text messages.
Have a talk with your niece and let her know how you feel but, that no matter what you are there for her. Your niece needs support and someone whom she can confide and talk to when needed.
At this point in time if your niece is old enough she can make her own opinion about her mother. And no matter what it’s still her mom. We all make mistakes, some of us more than others. Her mom needs an opportunity to redeem herself at some point. And what better moment than now, that your niece seems to be hurting and needing her mom in her life.

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I say stay out of it, it’s her father’s choice if she sees her mother or not. if anything give the mother the father’s phone number and tell her to text him directly, then stay out unless asked for help.

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This is a similar situation we are in only we have custody of our niece and nephew. Bio mom in our case lives 6 hours away and sends family group texts with our parents other sister on them telling the kids how much she loves them blah blah blah. We personally do not pass any information on from our bio mom bc if she wanted to talk or tell the kids she loves them she can call them. If bio mom wants to see them she can come see them. They are 10 and 15 and know bio mom chooses friends, guys, and partying over them.
That being said we put our kiddos in therapy bc it is traumatizing to have bio mom want them one moment and not the next. We try and stay away bc it breaks the kids hearts to go through why don’t you want us when we see bio mom. Our 15 year old is over it and wants nothing to do with bio mom but our 10 year old is struggling. The 10 year old tells bio mom all the good things he does bc he thinks she will love him if he’s a good boy. I wouldn’t push the relationship, if they all live in the same town bio mom can show up at the house if she wants to be part of the child’s life.

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I’d say do what you feel is best for your niece and no one else.

Stay out of it. You said your not on best terms with step mom, having trouble seeing your niece, go behind her back and let niece call her mom you may never see your niece. Mom’s a big girl, she can call, drop by or whatever it takes to get her child. Remember she has had five kids either given or taken away from her. In my opinion she should have to work to see her daughter.

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How old is your niece?

I have so many questions how old is the child but from what I read I say talk to the dad without stepmom before making that call

Another novel. :woman_facepalming: Stay out of it. HER MOM. Not your business.

Stay out of it. Honestly, it’s none of your business. I mean, it sucks to see our nieces or nephews hurting…but unless you have actual custody, you need to let that be up to the parents who are taking care of her. You can voice your concerns to her father, but that’s about it. Anything more…is crossing a line. How would you like it if someone let your child see or talk to someone behind your back? I sure wouldn’t like it. And if I thought that someone wasn’t respecting my wishes with my child, they would no longer be seeing them.

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stay out of this mess. let the bio dad do it all. You should not be the micromanager for all that dysfunction in that family. Period.

Stay out of it ! Not your business at all!

I think you need to stay out of it. Have the mom contact the dad her self.

I didn’t even finish reading it because it’s so long, but stay out of it. You are not her parent and it’s not your place.