Should I make my daughter visit her father?

My daughter is 10 almost 11 yrs old her dad has been in and out of her life a year ago i got full legal custody and share physical custody but the judge wasn’t happy at all with him since he doesn’t put a lot of effort in to seeing her and he doesn’t care much about her if she gets an award at school has a special event he says he will be there to her but never shows up and he is always late to pick her up, sometimes lying about him being sick and can’t pick her up and then we find out by mutual friends he was out partying… so my daughter was crying the other day saying that he doesn’t want to go with him anymore and that he always makes her get ready and never showes up and she is tiered of his lyes also i have a husband he has been with us since she was 2 so she says she would like for him to adopt her instead and she compares both a lot cause my husband will miss hours of work to go see her when she has an especial event at school…should i go back to court or should i make her go to her dads.


Feels like you know what to do.


No you schouldnt make her .and yes let him adopt her

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No. Do not ever make her go.

I wouldnt make her go.

The man raising her is her dad. Im sorry but the other seems like a sperm donor so I give him the title of father. There is a difference between a dad and a father. It sounds to me like your current husband is her dad. I personally wouldn’t make my child go see their father if they didn’t want to. In fact I didn’t. I have a 5yr old that his father was the same way as your child’s father. At about 3 my son started saying he didnt want to go to his “dads” so we stopped making him. It was his choice. His father has not seen him in almost 2 yrs now. Itll be 2 yrs in Jan. He lives literally 10 minutes away…


Go back to court, listen to your daughter. I have a parenting plan with my daughters dad, but if she doesn’t want to go, I don’t make her and I let him know why, if he has a problem with it, I tell him then let’s go to court.


That really depends on visitation orders. You also need to go back to court and let the judge know what your daughter wants! Let her tell the judge. Document visits, no shows, lies etc.

Until you get a new court ordered parenting plan that doesn’t have scheduled visit time with dad, you will have to have her go to her visits. If you don’t send her, you can be considered in contempt of court and can get in trouble. It sucks, but you’ll have to keep sending her until a new court order is in place.

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I wouldn’t make her, she understands what he’s doing and it’s hurting her so I’d let her make that decision.

Document everything and take him back to court… If she doesn’t want to go then don’t let her but make sure you let the courts know … Here in NY the children usually get their own lawyer to represent them so their needs and wants can be heard… You’re daughter is old enough to know exactly what she wants… Show all the proof of what you have and start the legal process. Wish you well :heart:

It sounds like she has already chosen her real dad and she shouldn’t be forced to have a bond with someone who is emotionally toxic to her.


This hits home for me. I have a 12 year old son. When he was little, his “dad” (my ex-husband) would pick him up from daycare a few times a week, get him every other weekend and not only pay child support but would help out with extra stuff. He disappeared when my son was about 5. He has seen my son in passing, since his two youngest kids and my son went to school together. My son would ask to call him, call and get no answer or he would say he would come get him on his day off. He would never show. I never bad mouthed my ex to my son. As my son got older, he figured it out on his own. We are now in the process of having my husband adopt my son. My son wants his last name changed and everything. My ex, who has had nothing to do with this kid for years, all to willingly met my husband and my self and signed papers to terminate his rights. I look at it this way, I’m a mother. I don’t get to bail on my kids. I don’t get to not spend the weekend with my kids because I’m sick. A parents job is NEVER done and there are NEVER excuses. Your daughter is old enough to know what’s going on and who and how he is… your priority is your daughter. Not your ex. I’d be heading into court. Not sure what state you’re in, but she should be old enough to speak to the judge.

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I’m a fan of “in or out, you choose.”
Meaning, you can choose to be available to this child anytime she needs or wants you or you can choose to fuck off, has zero to do with me.
Here and there or in and out is not a choice I will provide, end of discussion.
She is 13, I did everything I could to encourage a choice of participation, I do not explain anyone’s choices.
I did attempt to allow a change of choice which led to further abandonment, but I feel the way I explain choice helped.
All you are is the choice you make and only you know why that’s your choice, you cannot allow other’s choices to dictate your feelings, it’s okay to feel hurt or sad or angry or nothing, it’s okay to let it go :woman_shrugging:t2:

Court. She’s obviously old enough to know what the deal is and who her real father is.

You should be able to have your daughter talk to the judge one on one.

(Now going off my state) Until the child is 13 u have to make the child go unless u got back to court and have it changed.

Go back to court. She is old enough to talk to a judge and lawyer and explain that she doesn’t want to go to her Dads and why she doesn’t want too. Ask the judge to give your daughter the option that she wants.

Courts usually say u should encourage a child to go but u don’t have to make them go if they refuse! But u should encourage it! At least where I’m from that’s what they have said here!

Until there’s a order saying she doesn’t have to go or she reaches the age where she can testify on her behalf (I know here in CA it’s 13 - and yes, I did it myself back at that age so I could live with my dad), you still have to send her unless you want to be arrested for contempt of court. You have to follow the order until it’s modified. I’ve been there. I didn’t want to go visit my mom on the weekends when my dad got custody of me at 13, but I had to still go until I reached 17.5 (I graduated high school before my 18th birthday, so my mom just let it go then).

Her feelings and opinions at this age especially are completely valid and should be used in court. He’s had almost 11 years to get his shit together, I would not even consider forcing her to go. If she changes her mind and wants to open back up communication with him then great, but after he screwed around with her heart for so long I don’t think it’s right that you would force that to continue.