My son’s dad and I are not together but get along like we are. He is military and getting stationed out of state. He wants me and our son to move with him. I wouldn’t mind if it weren’t some in the middle of nowhere crap town that pays barely minimum wage, or the fact that he wants us both home to spend time with our little one (he’s a year and a half old). One main reason I’m considering it is that he does have another son that is with the mom (long, complicated back story on that one), and I don’t want him basically losing both his boys for all but the summer. But I can’t afford to do halfway point switch offs once a month… mind he also wants to see if maybe thing could work with us given some time (he and his other son’s mother split last June/July). I’m just not sure if I should uproot my life and move my son and me away from the only family we know/have to stay close to his dad… advice, please?!
I personally wouldn’t because I wouldn’t have any of my family to help out if We got sick or needed anything major. Maybe FaceTime with him a few times a day?
I honeslty wouldn’t unless you truly want to work on your relationship and possibly get back together for long term. I wouldn’t uproot your life plus your sons just so he can see him. His profession is what I’m guessing moved him away and that is what he chose.
I would say no. I know military families move all the time…but that’s because they are a family unit. If he is serious about working things out, make him wait. It would suck to uproot everything then in a few months he is like nah I dont wanna be with you…You got no one there to help
If you’re questioning it you know what you should do and need the validation. Girl, go with your gut it will tell you the truth. Good luck to you
I wouldn’t if I were you and I speak from experience because I have and shit went south and no money I got stuck so me personally I learned my lesson but think about it this way if you’re not 100% and need people’s opinion then you know you really don’t want to so therefore you have your answer hunny its not your fault he can’t see his kids so why risk it for him especially knowing you don’t have the money as it is I mean if something does happen are you going to have the money to move again
Do you work? If u do save as much money as you can and try it to see what happens and if it doesn’t work out then you have your own money saved up to move back home
Being as I’m not in the middle of this mess, what I’m understanding is your more worried about this man than you are about yourself. STOP. He’s only been away 6 months from a complicated relationship with another woman who has a child with him. They will BOTH be in your life for ever. It will not be easy. You’re worried about him seeing HIS and YOUR son… if he was as worried about seeing HIS son you wouldn’t be needing advice. Stay where you and your son will have a stable life. If this MAN wants to be a part of your life he would understand and act accordingly. Don’t make it so easy for him. Is he not wanting to pay support? He wouldn’t have to if you lived with him. Just my opinion.
So your little one is a year and a half old. But your ex broke up with his other child mother last year???
so which one was the side bitch?
If it’s not a good decision for you and your son I wouldn’t do it. It would be different if he was with you and supporting you or something. I understand not wanting to have his son away from him but that’s also part of military life. My boyfriend missed the first 2 years of his kids lives because of his deployment. It sucks but it’s what you sign up for in the military. He would never expect me to uproot and be struggling possibly for him.
If you do, I would make conditions. like if it doesn’t work out, he pays for your way back home. And get it on paper. Not being able to find a good job is bad though, maybe you can go to school and he helps pay for it as a condition. I mean if it doesn’t work out you’ll have some schooling underneath your belt, and if it does workout, it would only benefit y’all in the long run.
Nope. You would end up with no one to support your needs such as going home to family for support. He could turn on you and make you get your own place.
That’s just a big no for me.
I lived in Florida for 9 months without comfort of my mom and siblings. Had one 1 friend there.
If the shoes was on the other foot. What would you want him to do. I always try to put things in perspective of if it was me what would I want.
Something to consider. Since you will not be married you will not be considered his dependent which means you won’t be able to get on his insurance, you wont be able to shop or get gas on post without him or someone else with a military ID and you will have to go thru background checks and get a visitors pass to get on base without someone with a military ID in the card with you (kids can get them at age 10). You son can be on his Insurance but if he doesn’t choose the option where he can be seen anywhere then he would be assigned to a military hospital. If you do move with him a word of advice start learning his social you will need it for everything and if there is a spouse group or FRG (family readiness group) for his company make sure he gives them your contact info! They can help just be prepared for some spouse to be rude when they find out your a girlfriend.
If you have any questions about military life feel free to send me a message and I’ll try and answer the best I can.
If things worked out obviously best case scenario it could be great but worst case scenario some questions to maybe ask yourself are will you be okay without the support of your family? How will your children cope with the move? Financially is it practical? How long will he be stationed there and if it will be for the next few years then what future opportunities will you and your children have there? Are there good schools? Work or study options? Things to do outside of school hours?..
It’s lovely that you want to do right by the father but you need to do right by yourself too honey… It’s your life as well
Well sweetheart, I’m a parent of 30 yrs 2 daughters. I will give you the same advice I said to MY OWN girls. Don’t act like a WIFE to a man that’s NOT you’re husband. He’s already been given martial BENEFITS when you birthed his son. And as far as his LOSING his son is total BS , and NO WHERE your responsibility to keep him in his children’s lives. If he’s willing to share a HOME, CHILD, YOUR BODY he NEEDS to share his last name BEFORE expecting anymore major life changes being made on YOUR part.
I’m assuming with him being military, he’ll have to move every few years. That’s something you would need to consider. If he wants you to move with him now, is he going to want you to move every time he pcs’s? I can totally understand wanting to have your child near both parents but that’s a lot for your child (especially once he starts school) and for you to try to uproot and find a new job every time you move. If I were in your position I would probably stay where my child has the most stability and just keep a good relationship with his father and let him visit when he can. Also, if his other child lives near where you and your child are currently (which I’m assuming is probably true?) it could still be convenient for him to come visit and see both of his kids. I understand the military lifestyle is not particularly accommodating for these kinds of situations but I think the most important thing is a happy child and two parents who work together to make sure he is loved and has everything he needs. Video calls are also a huge help so he can see him more often (although I know it’s not the same). Good luck with everything!
So, if y’all aren’t married and he’s not married how are y’all going to live together? He can’t live off post.
Sounds like you making a big commitment for someone who cant commit back. It’s a big step for a maybe. I dated my hubby 5years he always wanted to move and I said I wouldn’t move away from my family with my boyfriend. We married and I have followed through with my word and have followed him everywhere.
I’d stay put. See how things go. Visit and take things slow. Then if more comes of it move in with him. My ex husband was in the army. We were stationed in hawaii. I felt alone alot. He cheated multiple times. I didn’t know alot of things. I felt trapped. Needless to say when we PCs’d to Texas we divorced.