Should I reach out and check on my bonus child?

I came into my bonus Child’s life when he was 6yrs old; my husband got custody of him at that age, so we had him from 6yrs old to -14yrs old. He decided he wanted to go live with his mom at age 14, we at first didn’t let him due to trying it in the past a couple of times, and he was back within a couple of weeks, we eventually didn’t oppose it since he was constantly in trouble and just doing the most to go live with her. He now has been there a couple of years but doesn’t even want to come to visit nor call; he was in a juvenile detention center for 6months and would call on a regular basis, but now that he’s out, he doesn’t even bother calling or txt back, I reach out, but he doesn’t respond so I reach out to bio mom to check on him. At this point, I’ve considered just stepping back and not reaching out since I’m not getting any acknowledgment on his end. Should I stop reaching out or continue to check on him even though he doesn’t reply? My husband is frustrated with the whole situation, so he refuses to reach out to him since he also doesn’t answer his messages.

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All you can do is make sure he knows you’ll be there for him when he’s ready and don’t nag or try to give him sermons… There has to be a reason why he won’t visit with you guys, I would rethink that whole relationship…

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I reach out and check on my bonus child?

I would. My ex husband reaches out to our 16 year old and he ignores the messages. Deep down he’s glad dad shows he still cares, but he’s 16 and blows him off for games and work.

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Shouldnt give up on a kid. EDIT: even if you get nothing back, they still will know you care

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Of he does not answer u or his father i would give up.he will come crawling back when he needs help

Keep checking on him bonus mama. He will eventually respond, just gotta keep that communication open. Even if it’s just a quick I love you or just checking in message x you’re doing a great job x

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Its not a childs job to reach out or build a relationship

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I wouldnt keep trying id let him come to you he will he might be just tryna figure out life and explore but always make sure he has both contact info for you and your husband

continue reaching out, he will know that you’re there for him when he’s ready

I’d occasionally text a short message like “I hope you are doing well. Thinking of you” and leave it at that to keep the door open.

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Keep trying… they are young and jus consumed with their own life right now but when they are older they will remember you tried and won’t resent you… and it didn’t take but a few minutes a week/day of your time…

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Just keep trying :heart::heart::heart:

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I would keep up the communication even though right now it is one sided. Hopefully he will come around when he is more mature.

Don’t give up. Even if you don’t get a response, it shows that you care. It will mean a lot.

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I would continue to reach out. My oldest is almost 14 and has had some mental health issues and we are in the middle of a custody situation right now. She doesn’t always reply when her dad messages her but a while back she didn’t hear from him for almost two months and it devastated her. I think she just wanted to know that he was still there even if she didn’t always reply.

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Keep reaching out. He may not respond but it does show you care. My oldest lives with his father and he didn’t want to speak to me for awhile but I still texted to tell him I loved him. Even though I didn’t get a response he still got them and knew I was thinking of him.

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It’s the parents’ job to reach out to the child.

I have younger kids so I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but if I were in this situation I wouldn’t necessarily stop but maybe send something where he doesnt have to reply.
Something like “hey, I hope you’re ok, you’re on our mind often and we love you.”
I feel like he may have a lot more going on than you think, and it may really help him just to see that you guys are trying.
Regardless I hope everything works out :blue_heart:

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Reach out to his mom if you have a feeling something’s not right call in a welfare check.

I would just back off for a little bit. If he’s been there for a couple years and doesn’t want nothing to do with you guys then I would just back off until he opens that door. The reason I say this is cause the mother could get you guys for harassment if you guys keep contacting the child when he refuses to answer u guys refuses to call u guys and refuses to see u guys. Yes a lot of ppl may say keep reaching out to him but at the end of the day it’s up to this young man whether he wants to reach out to you guys or not.

Don’t give up even your husband needs to keep trying. Even if he keeps blowing you off. Deep down he knows you care and when he finally gets his head out of his butt, he will appreciate it. The teenage years are never fun.

Would send a text here and there to check in on him even though I know I won’t get a response. Just so he knows you are there. I’m 28 and stopped talking to my dad in December… and i wishbone put in an effort to contact me or my kids.

Are you sure his phones on? He may not have a phone or same phone number. I would just show up and talk to him face to face and ask him what’s going on.

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I’m not a parent, but as a friend of people who have been through similar things (and acted similarly) I’d suggest continuing to reach out. The more you reach out (it may feel like being annoying but) you’re showing that you still love him and you’ll continue to be a constant in his life. When he feels like no one cares or loves him, he’ll remember all the times you continued to check on him when he wasn’t responsive. :heart::heart::heart::heart:

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I think sometimes as adults we forget how immature and selfish our brains were when we were younger. Don’t ever stop calling/texting and don’t let your husband stop. In fact I would do it more. Someday his brain will catch up to his heart and he will remember how much you guys cared and loved him.

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He’s a child. I would continue to reach out and let him know his father and you are always there and love him no matter what.

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Keep reaching out :heart:

I would send him a last message telling him how much you guys love him and hope he’s doing well all that, and I would tell him that you’re going to give him his space since he doesn’t respond. But remind him your door is always open and you guys are there for them when he’s ready.

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Do not give up on him. He may not want you in his life right this minute but if you stop reaching out he will never want you in it.

If it were me, I wouldn’t stop messaging the kid, regardless of whether or not I received a response back. I would want him to know that I’m always thinking about him and still care, period. Keep that door open and when he’s ready, he will respond.

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Never stop reaching out.

The teen years are the worst for the teens, as well as the parents … it’s an awkward time, and a frustrating time. The difference between the parents and the teen is that the teen thinks he’s grown … but the parents are the grown ups and need to continue to act like grown ups, even when the teen acts like they don’t want to have anything to do with their parents.

You don’t stop living and caring about your kids … ever. Even though it might not seem like it now, he’s counting on you to continue to be a parent in his life.

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His father and you should check on him . He will realize down the road he was important to you and his father… Through cards or short letters if nothing else. Text messages here and there…Even if he doesn’t respond. Holidays sending him things.

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If you keep reaching out periodically, reminding him that you love him and are there for him it can’t hurt anything.
Him feeling like everyone has given up and doesn’t care could hurt. Kids are on emotional overdrive, hormones and less developed brains. They don’t always make good choices. Just remind him that you care. It could make all the difference one day.

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Keep reaching out…one day he will remember and appreciate it…don’t give up on him :heart:

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Keep reaching out don’t stop - don’t give up

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Please don’t stop loving this kid. Keep reaching out. It’s a small beacon that will lead him back to you.

Keep trying his immature brain my not care but eventually he will mature and be thankful. At this point I’d just let him know you love and miss him and hope he is safe. And let him know you are just a phone call away if he ever needs you or dad.

Always continue to reach out. Even if it’s not reciprocated. No matter what he’s going through in his life, he will know you are always there. It’s better than feeling like everyone gave up on him.

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So my SO and brother and i went through something g similar. Honestly I think its a phase. I would keep letting him know you guys care by reaching out. He will grow up one day and realize he needs you. I was 23 when I realized how right my mom was and we became close again.

Continue to check on him, he seems to be in turmoil😪

To stop reaching out is to give up. So no you shouldn’t give up on someone. For all you know checking on someone could be that one thing holding on.

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Just keep reaching out! Just remind him that you love him an will always be there for him :slightly_smiling_face:

Sounds like he’s going through something. Keep reaching out but give him space as well.

Keep trying. Eventually when he’s grown, he’ll look back and appreciate it.

They Are Young Adults And Make Thier Own Choices. To Force Anything Would Be Fake…maybe he’ll decide to when his brain matures

This is a HARD situation. Follow your heart. Its alp you can do.

Sometimes all you can do is pray and then listen to your heart♡

Never stop reaching out, someday he will look back and see that you didn’t abandoned him when he was going through this tough time

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Keep trying…. He will be grown one day and remember it. I know it seems like now, it don’t matter, but it does and it will.

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Continue reaching out, that way he knows you still love him and you still care. In his 14 year old mind, it doesn’t matter much. But once he is older, he will remember you continued to love him through all of his difficult times.

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How old is he now I wouldn’t give up hes probably just going through a stage hes a teenager but bet he will appreciate the effort later in life

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Don’t give up.
Look at it this way what if you found out tomorrow that he has passed and you hadn’t reached out in 6 months… you’ll feel pretty shitty regardless of who’s right or wrong.

Keep trying, just maybe once a month or so make the call and try. One day he will appreciate that you tried and he will contact you guys. It’s a rough being a teenager, but he will be an adult one day and hopefully he will realize you guys really care about him and tried to be there.

Keep trying. He’s angry, confused and definitely in trouble. Show him that you live him no matter what.

Keep trying. He will see it one day and appreciate it. Keep trying.

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Continue. Later on he’ll see how much you cared.

He might not be saying anything back because his dad is being stubborn. I get being frustrated, but that’s still his child whether he likes it or not. He might feel angry at the dad for not reaching out so doesn’t want to say something to you til the dad says something. I mean if it were me that’s how I’d feel.

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Always reach out! One day he will appreciate it. Reaching out will also show him you care.

Keep trying he will come around on his own time

Never give up on your child. Even though he’s your bonus child. He still needs to be reminded. Let him know you are always there for him.

Keep reaching out to him. If he doesn’t answer, your messages, it will at least let him know that someone cares. It could mean more than you will ever know.

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Please keep reaching out.
This comes from a fellow step mom, but also a former educator. They may not reply, but it still shows you care. In time I pray he comes around.

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Know you are torn, but hang in there for him!!!

Don’t trying to stop contacting him please. At least he will always know that you love him and will always be safe place for him.

Keep reaching out. He may not respond, but at least he knows that you still care and that your available if he ever does want or need you.

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Never stop. He’s young. One day he will
Come around and know your there with open arms.

Never give up… just send reminder test like we’re thinking of you or hope all is well.

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Definitely keep reaching out. One day he will see and know his worth.

Never stop! When the right time comes… He will answer… You are his safety net… Just keep loving him mom… From a VERY hardheaded bonus daughter that fought tooth amd nail to end up with mom being my best friend! Im 30 now… Lol

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Keep trying, never give up!

Your husband should be reaching out. Frankly if my child’s step mother contacted me I’d ignore her too. Parenting is between the parents. You are not his parent. I know that’s a fact that many don’t like. Your husband should also be taking mom to court for visitation enforcement or custody.

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I very recently lost my bonus brother, he wasn’t a step brother or anything, he was my older brothers best friend and therefore he was my brother too, and I wish I’d spoke to him more, he didn’t ignore my messages and we were pretty close, but I really wish we spoke more. Keep reaching out to him even if you don’t get a response, that way he still knows you’re there even when others have stopped trying

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Keep reaching out :purple_heart: the ones hardest to love are the ones who often need it the most. He’s struggling, and could use any amount of positive support given. Even if it’s not reciprocated right now.

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Keep checking in. :heart: This way he knows your always there he seems to have some issues

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Never stop! Even if it’s only once a week just send him a text telling him you love & miss him, think of him often & hope that he’s doing well & remind him that you’re always there. And pray for & over him & your husband to let go of the anger/frustration/stubbornness so they may one day have a beautiful & healthy relationship. Wish you all the best :two_hearts:

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Keep reaching out but expect nothing. He needs to know he has ‘a lifeline’. Obviously he is a troubled youth, and now a troubled young adult. Again, he needs ’ a lifeline, a safety jacket, whatever you want to label it’.

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Never stop. He will eventually reach out .Atleast he knows that u love him…

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Keep trying, even if it’s just to say hi we’re worried about you and are here for you no matter what, a child needs to know they are supported and cared for even when they’re going through a difficult and rebellious time;)

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Keep trying and never give up on him :+1:

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I would keep sending - thinking of you texts. My kids are not great about ever responding but I know - they know Im always thinking of them.

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Why isn’t his father putting forth the effort? That’s the problem. Does he care about this child. Poor kid. No surprise he is acting out.

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I would continue to reach out, even if he never responds just continue to do it. Who knows maybe one day he will.

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If you stop it will be confirmation in his mind that he is worthless and no one cares. Keep reaching, someday he will be glad.

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Keep reaching out. He may need time for whatever reason, but never stop showing him you care.

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I’d reach out a million times even with no reply

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Sounds like his waiting for some effect for his dad.

I was a troubled teen. When my parents split I wanted to live with dad. Told mom I hated her, refused to talk to her. If she would call I would hang up, if she showed up I would slam the door in her face. She was so drained and wanted to give up. My poppa (step dad) convinced her to just keep reaching out and trying. One day after being suspended so much I failed 9th grade then I failed summer school. I ended up realizing I was going down a horrible path and reached out to my mom for help. I moved back in with her and had to go by her rules. We still battled for a few years and it was tough. But it did get better and I realized my dad was actually a toxic person pitting me against my mom just to “win”. My mom is now a huge part of my life, she’s the office manager at the pediatricians office I work at and we take 2 vacations together with family every year. Its going to be hard and emotional and taxing but always be there so that your bonus child knows they can reach out to you if they ever need to or realize they want to.

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You both need to keep trying. I know it’s difficult when there’s no reply, but he’s a kid. They can be buttheads.

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Don’t give up in him💕 it’s about him not you. Good job🤗 just letting him know you care will be enough someday. Sending love. Cuz its gotta hurt.

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Keep that line of communication open, even if it’s every other month

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Some kids are like that. Keep reaching out. If you love this young teen, then nothing should stop you. It’s hard for kids to get back on track, but he needs to know he is loved by you & his dad.

Never give up on a child.

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I’m curious to know what bio mom has to say. . . Sounds like he was hanging on by a thread already and going to live with her gave him the Avenue to self destruct. I could be wrong but I’m curious where she’s at with all of it.

Keep reaching out eventually he will answer. He will always know you cared and that’s what matters. I would talk your husband into reaching out too. Your husband is grown. He knows better this child is not. It’s a confusing time mentally for teenagers. Make sure his dad keeps reaching out. Even if it’s a simple “I love you, call when you can!” Text every day.

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Never give up on someone you love.
It’ll come back one day when he’s older.
He’ll get it…hell realize that you never gave up or walked away …just loved him the best you could.

Don’t ever stop reaching out… his dad definitely doesn’t to stop either. It is beyond important.

Don’t give up. You never give up on your babies. He’s an angry teen right now. One day he won’t be and he’ll see y’all never gave up.

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His bio mom could be intercepting the calls and messages. Maybe she gave him a new number. Maybe she filled his head with lies about you and his dad. Either way, do a surprise visit to the house.

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Keep reaching out…let him know you care and you love him…it may be a long time before you get a response but he will eventually respond…

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