I need some advice guys. Please, no being rude or bashing me. I’m currently eight months pregnant, and very sensitive at the moment. I’ll be honest with you all. My one-year-old son hasn’t met his father. Believe me; I’ve tried to get the father to meet with him. I even went out of my way to contact him and let him know he had a son even tho he disappeared before I even took a pregnancy test. Long story short… My son was conceived by a one night stand. I was going in and out of an abusive relationship, and unfortunately, I got wasted enough to sleep with my son’s father during one of our breakups. I went through my whole pregnancy with my son, not knowing who his father was. I even told my ex right before we got back together about the one night stand, and told him that if I got pregnant, I feared that he wouldn’t be the father. Cause of that, my ex abused me even worse during pregnancy. After a DNA test proved my son wasn’t my exes, I cut him out of our lives and reached out to the father. At first, he wanted to co-parent, send money(which I told him I didn’t need since I just wanted him to be apart of his son’s life), and kept making plans with me to meet his son (which he never followed through). Then his fiancè got on his account and told me to get a DNA test done and leave them alone. She blocked me on his account, cause apparently they got engaged three days before he and I had sex. I didn’t want to get on child support, but since I’m on government assistance, they pursued me into filing. My fiancè( whose father of my unborn child) reached out to my son’s father. I told him what was going on and requested info from him. He gave us a lot of info, including his ss number. I filed, and from what I understand is. He refused the DNA test and refused to turn in pay stubs. Not that child support wasn’t able to look up that info anyways. My fiancè doesn’t want me talking to my son’s dad. He wants to be the only one that messages him, but every time he cheats on his fiancè. He makes a whole new account! I’ve been fighting my urges of reaching out to his family. (We know nothing about his family) I feel like they should at less be able to see photos and videos of their grandchild grow up, even if their son choices not to grow up himself. My question is, am I wrong for wanting to reach out to his family and involve them? Should I just accept my son’s father doesn’t want to be apart of his life, and just wait till my son starts asking who his father is? I really need an outsider’s voice on this.
I wouldn’t do it. It’s his place to tell his family about all of this, not yours. I’d definitely continue pursuing child support, though.
I fell pregnant on a 1 night stand. Worst thing I ever did was contact his family. Look at the POS person they created! Never look back girl, cut all contact, but be honest when your child is old enough to no and ask questions xx
I wouldn’t reach out to his family if he isn’t around. That could open up a whole other bucket of worms that you don’t need to deal with right now being super pregnant.
Accept and move on. Sounds like you’re better off. When the day comes your child wants to know then you give the details. The family didn’t have sex with you- it isn’t their problem to deal with. You also don’t know the family dynamics so you would likely make it worse for yourself one way or another.
I think you should pick ONE family member of his to reach out to and leave it at that. If he’s communicating with your fiancé now I would also leave it at that. It’s at least communication with someone who is around his child every day. If you start messaging him you may lose contact altogether. I think you already know the father doesn’t want to be a part of your sons life so let the man that is be everything he needs in a dad.
Let them know. It’s not fair to them. It’s (probably) not their fault that their relation is a twat. They should be given the chance to know your son. As far as the father goes… Just leave him be. If he wants a relationship he can find you himself.
I would definitely tell them. They have a right to know as well i think.
This was so confusing lol. But no. You should not reach out. Don’t block them. Leave the door open. But I’m sure they know he’s got a kid with you. If they want to let him be a loser that’s fine but they need to reach out.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
No harm reaching out to them for sure. But you also risk rejection and or if they get involved then lose interest down the road it may hurt the kids. Tough spot mama I hope it works out.
Tell his family. Period. They deserve to know and so does that baby.
Nah I never did and thank god for that! Good riddance
I would reach out. My sons family is more involved in his life then his biological dad is. They love him. They apologize for their son/brother all the time. But I’m not gonna let him being a deadbeat stop them from being in his life. And pursue the child support. He needs to man up and help.
That would be a risky move. What if they decide they want custody? BTW, the correct spelling is fiancé.
I’m saying no. Too much drama. You start adding more people into the mix, it just makes things worse. I’m all for keeping things simple! Good luck.
Do itx also stated you have requested a DNA test but he turned it down
But in saying this I haven’t done it cause I don’t wanna deal with the drama
I would just let it be. Including more people at this point is only going to add more drama into your lives. Focus on your son and soon to be new baby. Enjoy the time with them while u can. It’s his loss, u tried and did your part.
In all honesty u dont want nor need them in your son life. If your new partner is a good non abusive man then just let it be.
I wouldn’t. It might be best to see if your fiance will adopt your baby after you marry and never let your kiddo know that sperm donor is a horrible person.
I wouldn’t…if your current fiance wants to take responsibility for your son, I would let him and just focus on their relationship…Your son will never have the relationship with his bio dad that he deserves and trying to force it will only hurt your little one in the long run…Involving his family will also kost likely just cause more tension and unnecessary difficulties for everyone…If he doesn’t want to be involved, your child is better off not having anything to do with anyone close to him…even if his family accepts your child and builds a relationship with your child, I could easily see that doing more harm than good on your little one