Should I tell my siblings that our cousins attended our grandpas funeral?

My grandpa passed away last week due to covid. Neither I nor any of my siblings were allowed to go visit him; we were told he was doing really well, and then next thing we knew, he had passed away. They had his memorial service today, and we were all told that the church it was being held in has a rule of only a few people could attend; so it was supposed to be my mom, 2 uncles, and grandma. I called my mom crying this morning because I had a dream about my grandpa last night and found out that while me and my two sisters and little brother were told nobody else was allowed to go, all of my cousins and their SOs were attending in person. And the excuse was “they are local and don’t have kids” when we all live equal distance. None of my other siblings know yet, and it’ll be at LEAST a couple of days before they get around to sending us the video of the service since they didn’t do a zoom video for us. I don’t want to tell them because I know that my mom needs her time to grieve without worrying about making us more upset than we are, but at the same time I don’t want my siblings blindsided by us being the only family members left out and assumedly not invited to our grandpa’s memorial service. Any advice??

1 Like

Who made the funeral arrangements?

7 Likes

I would tell them cause it wasn’t right that your mom had none of her kids there

16 Likes

Praying for your strength. Bit, fuck them all. Now you know how they are.

1 Like

I’m so sorry for your lost . My deepest sympathy to you and family . I’m very sure you have lots of memories of your grandpa cherished those memories make a journal of times spent with him or make an albums of your time with him . Pray for him and I know you’re hurting but time heals and as I said relive the moments you spent with him . Memories will be with you for a lifetime cherish it . My thoughts and prayers are with you and family :pray::pray::pray:

1 Like

Hold on to your memories they can not take them away from you

3 Likes

I would tell them. You all should have your chance to grieve and you and your siblings lost part of that. If it was me, i would want to know. Im so sorry for your loss.

1 Like

Just think of how you would feel if your siblings knew and didn’t tell you. They’re going to find out anyway. I’m sorry for your loss and that you weren’t able to attend his funeral service. Prayers for your family

1 Like

Oh I would have already told my siblings and we would be plotting!

14 Likes

Um your moms grief is no excuse for this behavior

4 Likes

It would all depend on who made the arrangements. If the church is only allowing so many people, it’s understandable that those who made and paid for the arrangements would take priority, and those who were caring for them.

1 Like

My grandfather also was in the hospital for covid and phnuemonia and 2 heart attacks. He was fine and talking and asking to go home and then just died the next day. We were also told we couldnt go see him but after he died we learned his son was with him when he passed. We are glad he wasnt alone but wish we could have had the chance as well.

Wow , tell your siblings but keep your cool in honor of your grandfather as he would not want his passing to cause strife. Is your grandmother still alive if so it could affect her as well . You guys should get together and have your own thing and find a way to honor him and rise above the petty family members.

12 Likes

Sorry, but what happened was BS. Tell them. If not you will end up being the bad guy.

2 Likes

Hold your own memorial service and pay respect your own way. My father (R.I.P), my mother and I were left out of my grandmother’s arrangements even though I was the one helping my Aunty care for her not just in her final moments but also in life. I visited her in the nursing home and spoke to her every weekend yet my aunts and uncle (not including my Aunty that cared for her because she was too grief stricken and I was with her) excluding me. My mother was so mad and shaking I told her not worry because in life we know in our hearts she loved us and they were feeling guilt for not being there at all for her. I was always her favorite granddaughter because I never asked her for money and just spent time with her.

Tell your siblings! Make arrangements and celebrate your grandfather’s life. Take out an ad in the paper in his memory.

2 Likes

My condolences, Oh that is sad, if someone did that to me, I’d be so angry. I would tell them so their not blind sided. I know you can’t go back and see it. But I’d definitely be telling those who didn’t invite or make other arrangements a piece of my mind. Honor your grandfather in your own way. Good luck… your in my thoughts and prayers :pray::heart::pray:

1 Like

You have my deepest sympathy. I would get you mom, and your siblings together and explain to them while your mother is there what took place and how hurt you all were. BUT MAKE SURE YOU VIDEO RECORD IT SOMEHOW SO THREST OF THE FAMILY CAN SEE IT AND YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS LEAVE YOUR MEMORIES ON THE VIDEO AND THEN GIVE THEM A PIECE OF YOUR MINDS AT THE END. Then if they try to contact you to apologize, tell them thank you. KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS IN THE END…

Pray and forgive sometimes people just don’t think.

3 Likes

What would telling them do? You say it would be so they aren’t blind sided… but either way when they watch the video of his funeral they are going to be pissed off… whether they knew ahead of time or not. And if your siblings are like mine… when I tell them something that pisses them off they call mom… your mom deserves to grieve without the drama. No matter what you do it won’t change the fact that he is gone or that you guys weren’t there. But you know your family better than I. Best of luck and I’m sorry for your loss

2 Likes

Tell them. You’re all adults, I’m assuming. But if your grandfather died of Covid, why would you wanna risk the health and well being of your children and yourself by attending a funeral for someone that died because of it? Now I know it’s hard being that it was your grandfather but he is gone now. You have to be there for your family. You can’t do that from a hospital bed or in a grave if, God forbid, you were to get sick too…

1 Like