Should my husband help with weaning our toddler?

I’m trying to wean my toddler off of breastfeeding as they have started biting. I’m a stay-at-home mom and my husband wakes up at 6 am for work. We co sleep with our toddler in our bed. My husband and I got into and argument this morning because our child woke up last night and was wide awake so I gave our child a sippy cup of water and put on a show (at a 3 volume level, barely able to hear anything even) to distract from wanting to breastfeed. This woke my husband up and he’s mad that I turned on the t.v and don’t understand that he has to get sleep for work. He think that if our child wakes up I should take him into the living room until hes ready to come back to bed so I don’t wake my husband with my process of distracting our child from breastfeeding. He thinks that because I’m a stay at home mom, and can “choose to sleep whenever I want.” I should be understanding and ensure that I don’t disturb his sleep. I understand that a full time job is hard and you need sleep to have a good work day and I’m thankful to be a stay at home mom but I also wish he understood that I also don’t get that sleep back when I’m awake with our child at night, nap times only last 1 hour and its easier for me to stay awake during that time then to close my eyes for 5 second only to wake back up even more exhausted with a fully rested toddler running around ready to play. Plus we all know the best time to get anything done is during nap time…I’ve read that while weaning its helpful for Dad to sleep with the baby so they can’t smell the milk and have a fit about wanting to breastfeed but instead understand that dad can’t provide milk, receive comfort and go back to sleep. I haven’t talked to him about this yet because he already gets so upset when he doesn’t get a full 8 hours, and I feel like it’s my job as a mom to deal with breastfeeding and take care of our child during the day when dads at work and at night when dads are sleeping. He helps out a ton with everything I ask after work and weekends and is super supportive, but I just don’t know if he’ll react well to missing out on sleep… My question is should Dad help out with weaning our toddler even if that means he might be having a rough night’s sleep when he has work in the morning? OR Should Me and our toddler just sleep in the living room (I’m not going back and forth from bedroom to living room every time toddler wakes up) until he’s done weaning to unsure Dad gets his sleep before work? I just feel guilty and like it’s my job as a stay-at-home mom to take care of all of this stuff since I don’t have to go to a job outside of the house…

385 Likes

I do not see an issue with what you did. You also need sleep. Just because you stay home, doesn’t mean it isn’t equally as important. Of course he should help you out.

8 hours are already too many for a grown man to sleep
Weaning is not forever
Tell him to help
Women get so afraid of offending men that we just keep suffering
Being a stay at home Mum does not mean you do nothing all day
Tell him what you need

10 Likes

IMO no he shouldn’t help with the weaning the toddler off. Let him sleep. stop offering the breast honestly give him something else and tell him no more boobie or whatever u wanna call it and be stern abt it.

24 Likes

Why turn on a show when everyone wants to sleep?

16 Likes

He’s going to work, I get that.
But his ass should be on the couch or spare room

Have you considered putting the child in their own bed. Dads going to miss a lot more sleep over the years in this current situation :woman_shrugging:

11 Likes

He works all day outside of the home, he needs his sleep. If it were me I would honestly be alittle pissy too. You could have laid on the couch with the tv on so your husband could sleep. It’s about being considerate of your spouse

16 Likes

If you feel like you need help… ask for help. Baby is not only yours. :heartpulse:

8 Likes

Tell him to go sleep on the couch🤷

12 Likes

you should let him sleep

4 Likes

I would take baby out. I dont think its cool to have the TV going in the morning. Mine works in a high risk job and I’m so worried he could have an accident there or just driving early in the morning from lack of sleep.

In saying that I get that dads have it easy in the sense they don’t have to worry about breast feeding.

A new strategy is needed for sure.

6 Likes

Imo you both helped make child and you need help weaning too. If its always just you then your child will continue wanting breast. What did dad do when toddler was a newborn and woke every 2 hours? You cant help a crying baby waking everyone in the house up…im about to give birth to our second son and dad and i both work. Ill be going back after 6 weeks and we will both still lose sleep along with our 3 yo. Its a part of being a parent to lose sleep…

7 Likes

If you said he wasn’t helpful in any regard then I would say yes - he needs to help. But you literally said he is wonderful in every other possible regard, and helps you when you ask after work and on weekends. I say handle it yourself, and ask him to watch the kid so you can go to bed early or nap on the weekends to help make up for the sleep.

6 Likes

Just bc he works doesn’t mean he’s not a parent also.

If you want him to be a part of your parenting then he needs to take the good with the bad. And weaning is a bad! So lay it on him and lighten your load. Being a stay at home mom is 5x harder than most jobs bc its 24 hours a day not 8 hour shifts. :woozy_face:

I would set up somewhere comfy to sleep with my baby if he didn’t wanna help.

Not everybody gets to sleep a full 8 hours. If your child is up in the middle of the night regardless if he’s in your bed or his bed, you’re going to have to get up to attend to him. You’re gunna lose sleep when you have kids. Is he in freaking rainbow and unicorn land? :roll_eyes:

9 Likes

I did not breast feed so take that into consideration for my post. BUT at the same time my daughter was very and I mean very attached to her bottle. But when weening. I didn’t ask my husband to get up and help ever. Not because he wasn’t capable. He was. But his job is dangerous. And if he is tired then that could mean he gets hurt. Where as I sit at a desk 40 hours a week. If I’m tired it just sucks. But regardless of that if our daughter woke up the best way was just to sternly say no more whatever you call it and ignore her. She also sleeps with us. She’d cry and whine and reach for my night stand. But after a few nights she understood like whoa mom means business. I’d never turn on TV or anything just keep it quiet and she would eventually lay back down and go to sleep. If you turn in tv especially to cartoons or something she likes she will continue to wake up for that and not understand it’s sleep time. Now she doesn’t wake up at all in the night. And even though she’s not out of our bed she atleast sleeps through the night. It’s rough saying no. It is horrible and makes you feel guilty. But in the end eventually they will understand.

1 Like

Just bc ur not making money at a job doesnt mean u are home doing nothing …please a child is a job doesnt matter how old they r … I give so much more credit and thanks to teachers now that ive been stuck had to leave my actual job to do homeschooling my 5 year old for months now. An at home mom is a fulltime job and anyone who doesnt agree hasn’t done it
So his sleep is no more important than urs. And if 1 parent is up struggling at night then the other one should be helping or expect to be woken up … And what about cups does he use cups for juice or water ? Try putting milk asap even put a little chocolate or strawberry something they will probably like and when they want the boobie try to distract him with a toy or something he likes 💁 idk I never did that so I am just thinking of what i would try :heart:

2 Likes

Let him sleep. Take your kid to the front room if you want the tv on. That’s just rude turing on the tv when someone is trying to sleep. You said he is amazing and helps with everything else so let him be and wean the child yourself. Maybe try sleeping in the child’s room with him until he is weaned so dad can sleep

16 Likes

Let him sleep. But you and baby either stay or go wherever baby is more comfortable. Which is probably in bed so I’d tell hubby that if he wants his uninterrupted sleep, then it has to be on the couch for a week or two until the baby adjust.

5 Likes

I know how hard being a stay at home mom is. I do it as well. But my husband busts his ass to provide us the luxury of me being able to stay home. Just my thoughts. That baby needs to be in his own room in his own bed. The husband needs to be able to sleep. Tho being a SAHM does not mean you do nothing all day. Just the opposite. It does mean you can squeeze in some down time. Where as he can not. Get the toddler on a routine. Bed time by 8 in his own bed. And naps before 2 in his own bed, and just stop offering the breast. Period. If he’s a walking talking toddler he should be sleeping through the night.

It’s a balance. I don’t work outside my home. So my job is the home. That doesn’t mean my husband doesn’t help when it comes to our children. Find a schedule that helps you both out.
P.S. 8 hours is a lot of sleep unless he’s doing hard labor. Then he needs it. Your time will come mama. It won’t always be this hard.