Should we go to court?

I’ve been apart of my stepdaughter’s life for four years now (since she was one year old). My husband and I are going on three years of marriage and have our own son, who was born last year. We both have good stable jobs, a house in a nice neighborhood, we don’t have criminal records or do drugs (we don’t even smoke cigarettes). We get my stepdaughter every other weekend and one night a week per court order, as well as paying $600 a month of CS. She starts school in August 2021, and her daycare is $119 a week. Our daughter never goes without and has nice things and whatever she wants. Her mom remarried a year ago (a man who is 20 years older…we are in our mid-late 20’s) and has our daughter calling him daddy.)They moved in with him 1 1/2 year ago- 4 months after dating him) which we didn’t make a big deal about because we didn’t have money to take her to court at the time and even asked in that same conversation if we could talk about 50/50 and she said it was a conversation we could have. Since the end of 2017- we have been on GREAT terms. We talk and coparent VERY well; I’ve invited them to my birthday dinners, my graduation, my baby showers, etc. we pretty much get our daughter whenever we want, we just have to ask. Here lately we haven’t gotten her much because my husband had a work accident where he broke a couple of bones, had surgery and is on bed rest, along with me working full time, having an infant, dogs, and keeping the house kept up- it was too much stress to get our daughter, so I worked things out with her mom to where we didn’t get her as much… her mom respectfully agreed. There have been plenty of times in the past where her mom needed someone to watch her because of work, school, plans, etc. and I agreed that we’d keep her. She filed with CS requesting more money recently (without saying anything to us- I thought we were on good enough terms to talk if she needed money) and it brought up the discussion that we wanted to go for 50/50. (This is the 4th time my husband has asked in the past 4 years. Her response was no, and we can go to court and fight if that’s what you want… I don’t want to go into debt fighting in court if we can’t win, but I see absolutely no reason we couldn’t get her other than because we haven’t had her much in the past month due to everything that’s been going on at home, but her mom and I had made agreements discussing this, and now she wants to hold it over our heads… advise?


Are you sure you want the 50/50 for the daughter or to stop the child support ? Been down that road … by the sound of it if you cant take the child when dad is down ( she should have maintained her normal visitation you had your son during this time ? Or did he fo stay with a relative ? Mom has every right to say no if dad reneged on his visitation … if it was mom hurt or recovering she would still have to take care of her child :woman_shrugging: sounds like you guys want 50/50 because then no one pays child support … same reason my ex husband and his wife TRIED to get it …

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He messed up when he didn’t get his daughter like he should have. None of those were good enough excuses to not get her. Y’all just didn’t want to be bothered with her because she has another home. But if she was your bio kid, she would have been there. I would be hesitant too to let y’all get 50/50 custody if you acted that way. There is also a good chance the judge will keep it as it is.


It’s great to have a great relationship but sometimes there is one person that does things under handed. You need to put the money aside and go to court. It’s not about the money it’s about being far. Go for your 50/50 but having 50/50 has nothing to do with the money part. It’s the physical part and who the child is with most. If she’s with her mom most no matter what your husband has to pay for her. But if your doing it because you guys want more time with her do what you have to do.

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I would at least talk to a lawyer and see what your chances are and about what it will cost. But I would also ask about full custody and let the mother see her when she wants. That’s if you can give her a better stable life

I know you have a lot going on. But no matter what I’d want to see my daughter. It looks like things went south when y’all decided to get the daughter less often. Perhaps she took it personal or offensive.


Anytime I’ve dealt with modification of custody we always did mediation first to see if we could resolve things that way first. But it’s usually just between the biological parents only.

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Warning to all the ladies. Never marry a man who is paying child support. If he decides to stop paying guess whose income gets garnished? YOURS! Yep, I’ve heard of it happening. Guess who paid Bobby Brown’s child support? His wife, Whitney Houston did.

I would try speaking w her 1st and saying “we’d be happy to take her more or even 50/50. As u know the last mos has been hectic but things arw settling down now”

If you live in the same town and can go to school from your house then you should fight for her 50 50…my son just won that battle and swap school vacation week and every other holiday.
Only cost 800 .

If you live in the same town by all means your husband needs to bring up a 50/50 arrangement and do it for his daughter. Children are created in a loving marriage, divorce between parents only hurts the child when the parents bicker and fight over the child. If she does 50/50 time in each household then the support should be set accordingly. You nor the other fellow have any say so on the daughter of a former marriage. Build and encourage positivity in your lives.

If she is remarried why would she need to up the child support? She is not carrying all the expenses alone to care for the child and I agree with the one person about maybe you pissed her off when you stopped having the daughter when she was supposed to be there. But that’s his child and he should want her there with him no matter what.

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Most judges give 50/50 as long as it’s not an infant or toddler or criminal/ drug issues so go for it. It’s pretty standard now in most states.

If you go for 50/50 most likely you will get it unlike if you ask for full custody

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If your husband is bringing in less money than when he was working then go back to court and have it lowered


I would take it to court

Go. You guys shouldn’t have to pay and see her whenever you am want. It’s not fair. And on top of that, she knows that it y’all do the every other weekend and on day a week, then y’all have to pay. She’s not stupid (or she’s being told this). She’s a little greedy. Go to court and earn that 50/50

Take the selfish bitch to court. Have all your ducks in a row showing what you already pay for her and witnesses that can vouch for your daughters well being while in your custody. Prove that 50/50 is reasonable and fair to the judge.

Having 50/50 custody doesn’t mean it will effect child support at all, they are two separate things.

You said yourself that you have a relationship that allows you to openly get more time when you want but because of your situation you haven’t taken extra time lately.

You suggested she may be crossing a boundary by having the child refer to her step dad as “daddy” but in the same breath you referred to her as “our daughter”

Quite frankly I can see where the biological mother would be hesitant to offer up a conversation in regards to legally giving more custody over when it is very clear that when having an extra child could be slightly inconvenient you don’t get her.

From what you have said not knowing more it seems like a want for more custody seems to possibly be financially motivated. Also it isn’t fair to nit pick and have a double standard. Nothing you stated is grounds for more custody.


When I went thru the mother asking for increase from my spouse I went to court also. I kept my mouth shut. At the end before the judge announced his decision I stood and asked permission to speak. I stated yes we were married but I had 2 children that were my full responsibility and asked that he not count my income as part of the household funds due to me needing my income to care for my children.