The guy I am dating doesn't show me affection in front of his kids: Advice?

I’m in a newer relationship. We’ve been keeping things pretty discreet around the kids. Recently, he has shown affection towards me in front of my kids (hand-holding, sitting close). But when we are around his kids, he makes sure to move away from me and not show any affection. Is this weird? I don’t like that he feels it’s ok to do around my kids, but not his kids. Advice, please… I haven’t dated someone with kids in a really long time.

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Does it bother you when he does it in front of your kids?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. The guy I am dating doesn't show me affection in front of his kids: Advice?

He may just not be comfortable with it yet, with his kids. Give it time.

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Oh shoot. I went through this. First, it’ll get better. I finally figured out he’s letting you set the pace with your kids and him with his. Maybe he assumed you know your kids well enough to know how they’d react to it.
Also age can make a difference. His are a bit older, mine are younger.

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Maybe he has a crazy baby momma that he doesn’t want to start trouble.
Maybe he wants to have a conversation with his kids about how they feel about you before he proceeds. Just let him go at a pace that he feels comfortable with.

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Or he’s still with there mother :woman_shrugging:

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I think he is leaving the option up to you to move away from him when he’s around your kids, too. If you go for affection around your kids and don’t shy away from him he must think you’re comfortable showing affection. But if he’s not around his kids he’s letting you know he isn’t ready to let them know yet. I don’t think it’s rude, I think it’s smart to make sure you guys are serious before letting the kids in on it. Think of the people you know who have new partners constantly and how confusing that is for their children. He’s just taking it slow.

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Give him time, everyone involved needs time to adjust. You’re overthinking.

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Red flag :triangular_flag_on_post: I’d run. If he has no problem subjecting your kids to displays of affection but is reserved around his own kids he doesn’t respect you now and he really won’t later down the road.

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It would be all or nothing for me. What’s good around yours should be good around his.

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How you two show affection should be the same in front of his children and yours. Discuss it with him privately to reach a mutual agreement and enforce it. Right now he’s showing you different boundaries are okay for him and his than yours, and I’d be paying real close attention. Good luck.

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Have you asked him about his custody arrangement and stipulations?

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There’s a lot of depends factors.
How old are your kids? How old are his?
Is there drama with the kids mom that isn’t there with your children’s dad?
What’s the family plan for his kids look like?

Age differences are a huge factor. A for example 1 year old isn’t gonna even notice that you guys are holding hands where a 6 year old probably will.

Drama is a huge thing. Young kids don’t have filters …maybe he’s not ready for his kids to “out” his relationship to thier mother yet?

Some family plans can allow for stipulations like not introducing significant others for certain amounts of time. The loophole is that if he’s introducing you as a friend and treating you as just a friend around them he’s technically not violating the family plan.

There’s a lot that can go into this. Your best option is to just talk to him. Not be accusatory or anything just a simple hey I was kinda curious type of conversation.

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It’s a new relationship. I’ve been seeing a guy for almost 6 months and he hasn’t met my kids yet.

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Talk to him. Seriously, that is the best approach. Be calm and honest about how you feel. He probably doesn’t even realize he does it. He may have more anxiety around his kids and feels more relaxed and comfortable around yours.

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Have you talked to him about it…?

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WOW you put this out there for the world instead of a private convo with him !?? your a catch

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How long have you been dating? If it’s less than 4 months I think he is simply being responsible. Me and my current husband dated 4 months before o even meant his kids. It’s for the kids showing them respect. I wouldn’t worry to much about as long as he is respectful towards you and all the kids and trying to build a relationship with them. My husband is extremely conservative around his kids and less so mine. He feels a more instinctual need to protect his kids. Where you are the one deciding how much affection is shown in front of your kids now that he is comfortable. If anything simply bring up how you notice that he is showing more affection in front of your kids and see if he is ready for affection to be shown in front of his. If he isn’t respect that. That will show him that you respect his parenting and that you understand his kids come first. Because they should!

His ex might be very controlling and maybe he isn’t ready for them to tell her about you - not because he’s ashamed of you, but because he doesn’t want to scare you away with her drama too soon.

On the other hand, he might be a hypocrite. Just wait and find out.

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