The guy I was casually seeing is trying to get full custody of our daughter: Advice?

I have been with this guy for two going on three years now (we never dated due to religious differences ), but we were intimate and did everything as a couple, but we just were not dating. So fast forward two years later, we have a daughter now, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. So the part where I need advice is since the day I gave birth, this man has constantly been fighting me, telling me that he wants to go to court to get full custody of his daughter. Now he has made these remarks ever since I’ve been pregnant keep in mind he did not want the baby in any way and told me off in the worst possible way, swore at me shouted at me, threw us out, and accused me of wanting to be with him. So because of this, I lied to him, and I told him he could not be on her birth certificate because I won’t be able to receive a social grant if his name is there, and I’ll fix it later once I get a grant for her. But the reason for this was to kind of safeguard myself for when he does try and take her away from me. I still don’t get any social grants. I am the sole provider for both my kids. I pay his mother for keeping my daughter, and I pay my oldest daughter’s daycare and then her grandmother (from her father’s side ) to keep her too. Everything financially comes from me. So now, his mother has been making me feel like I am the worst possible mom. She is constantly shouting at me to bath my daughters when we are there or to dry her or pierce their ears when I’ve clearly stated that I don’t want to pierce. And I know my responsibilities as a mother. When my daughter was born she would tell me how much to feed her and that I am overfeeding her because she has five kids, I of cos felt different my baby was 2.6 and dropped to 2.4, and I literally went into panic mode, and I would feed her whenever she signaled she would like some boob. And I would feed every two hours as per the instructions of the doctor. And to her, this was wrong. So just yesterday I had this breakdown, and I told her father look you said you want a paternity test, so go have Ur paternity test done and stay away until you’ve done so because he said I should sorry out my issues with his mother myself because it’s our issues. My baby is only five months old, but I cannot handle her nagging anymore, and I feel like I have no support from him. I told him he could have his daughter full time if he can prove that I am an unfit mother or just leave us alone. Was I wrong in doing this? And can he take her away from me Please provide some advice on the way forward Because I really am at my wit’s end


Without his name on there he can’t do

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  1. Stop letting the grandmother babysit, if ur paying her then pay a daycare. 2. He can get visitations with the child after he proves paternity.

You guys weren’t dating because of religious differences but you were having sex? :thinking:


No. He can’t just get full custody when he has no proof you’re a negligent mother, and you’ve been the one fully providing. I would try and get your daughter another babysitting situation and away from his mom. That’s extremely toxic in itself. Also, talk to a lawyer and just prepare yourself. Keep every receipt for expenses that are due to your child’s needs, and all conversations you’ve had with him. Good luck.


Not trying to be a asshole. But you really should be using protection if you aren’t in a relationship. If you guys weren’t in a relationship then he probably slept with other people. You just shouldn’t take that chance. That said your child will now suffer :persevere: bc it probably won’t get better.

You told him he could have your daughter if he can prove you an unfit mother… do not ever have a conversation when you’re that upset because watch him do whatever it takes to prove you unfit


Start keeping records and recordings, everything he does you and all that he says. Get a lawyer and fight for your child.

This whole situation sounds very strange and I feel like we are missing something here but stop letting his mother babysit and stop bringing her over there. Let him take you to court if he wants a paternity test.


Stop letting his mother watch the baby. She is a pipeline to him and a pest to you.
Since there are no custody or support orders on file with the court, you can change your phone number, limit contact and even move out of state without notifying him at all.
I would suggest seeing a family law specialist in your area.


I cant give you advice, but i can give advice to young girls who may read this: dont make kids with random people, because you want to be a mom. Think twice before you may considered someone to be your future kids dad, dont rush.

  1. He can get visitations or 50/50 custody if he takes a DNA test.
  2. He won’t be able to get full custody unless he can prove you are an unfit mother.
  3. Stop letting he’s mum babysit your child if she constantly questions your parenting and doesn’t respect that you know how to raise your child.

Wow. You are one lying conniving person. I feel sorry for your kids… yes he can take her away from you. You lied and if he can prove that he can prove that you do not have your childs best interest at heart and he could be granted custody. :woman_facepalming: Get it together…


This makes zero sense to me😅 I’m sorry, but what a mess!


Lol you wont date but will have a kid with them :0


“Did everything as a couple and were intimate just not dating…” okay dennnn


1stly rather get a full time nanny, that way they have limited access to the kids and can’t do anything to the kids that would make you seem like an unfit mother.
2. Planned and supervised visits work perfectly if he’s not even contributing to the upkeep of the baby.
3. You a good mom.


This whole situation sounds strange to me. So you weren’t together because of religious reasons but yet you had sex and had a baby. And 2 you said said since the baby was born he wanted full custody but then you said he wanted nothing to do with the baby which is it cause your story isn’t adding up? Not trying to he rude here but this makes no sense


Lmfao you won’t date him but you’ll sleep with him and have a kid with him :joy::woman_facepalming:t2:


You need to put your daughter in daycare and get out of this toxic whatever you have going on here! Unless you are a junkie or homeless him getting full custody is highly unlikely. Avoid the drama let him take whatever steps he feels neccesary and go about your buisness raising your children in the right way. Not to be rude but stop feeding into the drama it’s not helping anyone and it will make you crazy if you let it