I’m a single mom of 3 boys ages 15, 13, and 3. I do not live close to any family members and because I’m a mom 24/7 with no personal time except work, I have no “friends.” I have one co-worker who is a single mom of 4 boys that lives 45 minutes away. She and I have both agreed to watch each other’s children one night a week, so we can pick up an extra shift at work. Her mom style is a little different from mine. Meaning, she lets her four boys scream inside, jump on furniture, throw temper tantrums, fight each other, etc… I appreciate her helping me immensely, but I’m starting to see her children’s behavior influencing my youngest son’s choices and actions. I feel like raising my children on my own and having to counteract behavior issues that were never a concern before are even more exhausting. I have asked my youngest son’s dad several times for help with $ for daycare and splitting the time to watch our child when he’s sick so I don’t miss numerous days of work to no avail. He is homeless, lives in his car, has no bills, but can’t take off work and come to my house to watch our son because he needs the money. My two older boys help me here and there, but it’s more of a maturity thing that makes it difficult for them to watch my youngest son for hours at a time. I’m beyond frustrated and I don’t know what to do. I live in a small town with a large population of older people without many other single moms in the area. Should I ignore the unpleasant behavior my son is picking up and be grateful for the help? How do a build a support system with no family around? When do I say that enough is enough with my youngest son’s father when he only wants to see our son when it’s convenient for him and doesn’t help financially or in emergency situations even though I try to support his involvement at all costs? I’m so lost, and I feel like I’m letting my children down every day. I work 60 hours a week, just to stay afloat and try my best to be present at home with my children. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Have you looked into child care vouchers? My state has a non-welfare voucher for children under 6 and not in kindergarten yet.
At the very least, bring up your feelings about the situation. Especially since that type of behavior could get one of your kids hurt. I babysat until my son was diagnosed with Autism and I stopped because I was afraid he would hurt one of the kids I was watching. If she cares, she will understand. If you are that uncomfortable it may be best to just find a new provider.
Everyone parents differently. It sounds as though she picks her battles and has decided the things you mentioned were just not worth the fight.
You cannot expect her to change her parenting style to fit yours.
Either have her watch your child or don’t.
Let the 15 year old babysit
I feel you. No advice but I know how you feel
So you have 3 different kids by 3 different dads-ish. You are getting free help by another single mom, trying to make due with what she has and you want to berate her bc your boys are now rough and tumble due to her boys being rough and tumble. I’m not sure why you threw in the info about your homeless baby daddy if your problem is your free babysitter. I think you’re just trying to get a sympathy comment rather than actual help.
Hit all those dads with some child support.
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I would definitely find someone else or have your oldest do it and pay him to babysit.
Talk to her about it. It’s literally the best thing you can do and tell her about how you do it with your boys. Like don’t force her to change her children but explain to her that you do things differently
The teenagers know better.
You say," We’re not at ______ house we don’t do that here or you can say," take it outside" how about say, one more time and I’m taking away _______ for the rest of the day. You need her help right now and if she’s not abusive you got ta. He is homeless. Not a very good role model and if he has no Bill’s and lives in his car he’s spending his money on a bad habit. I’m sorry things are so tuff right now. Your older children are going to half to understand that your home and her home run differently.
Can you tap into a church or other religious institution to find sitters? How about those old people? Are there retirement villages where lonely old people or couples would watch your kids for the fun of it? Are your kids in scouts or other activities where you can make friends with other parents? Is there a “Big Brother/Sister” Program available?
I’m sorry, your life sounds so hectic. Where do you live? Maybe someone on this forum could help you out. Does Care.com have any listings in your area?
Idk what state you are in but NY has day care assistance. All you have to do is go to social services and apply. If you are approved which is mainly based on your income, you can get help paying for daycare.
File for child support he is working but not supporting his kid !!!
You know alot of older parents dont live close to their grandkids would prob. Be happy to help you, then maybe in the summer your older one could mow their grass…
Why cant the older 2 watch the youngest?
I mean, you have to let them know the rules of your house. They can play like that at theirs but not your house. That’s what I’ve done with a few of my friends kids. Tell them no we dont at like that in my house. Then there should be punishments like time out. No tv. Etc… and talk it over with the mom. And let her know.
The fifteen year old.is old enough to baby sit let him watch.the.children