I’m having constant battles about getting important and necessary things done around the house. Need advice! I’m at a loss. What do other spouses do when they would like to accomplish big projects they can’t do alone, but their partner makes it clear they do not want to help and it’s unimportant to them? Keeping in mind the subject’s spouse has anger problems and lashes out when he feels someone is telling him what to do.
separate or divorce–no one should be with a “partner” that has anger problems and lashes out for any reason. Then hire a handyman.
I can careless if anyone feels they’re being told what to do! No one should lash out on you over nonsense! Grown men do things around their home, it is their hm to do what needs to be done! I would have a long talk w/your husband about manning up and doing what needs to be done! If not tell him funds are going to be spent so someone else can get it done!
Is he even being a partner to you? Maybe he needs to go home to his mama.
Hire someone else to do it
Hire help. Fire spouse. My husband can’t help right now and it frustrates both of us.
Walk away simples men who hit women are scum
Hire someone to do the job
Then he either needs to get help for his anger issues or you need to rethink this relationship.
There is honestly not enough information here.
So my advice is going to be a little generalized.
Marriages are about communication and often learning to either compromise or agree to disagree.
I’d be pretty pissed off if my husband started a project he knew he’d need my help for and didn’t really talk to me about it beforehand. He’d be pissed at me for good reason.
Take right now for instance. My allergies are killing me. I’m gonna be pretty useless for the next couple days until I get into the doctor and get my meds refilled and get them in my system.
Starting a project right now without talking to me -necessary or not- first and knowing how I feel would make me furious. I’d straight refuse too.
Now. If it absolutely couldnt wait I’d compromise and suggest bringing in outside help.
It’s also important to realize and understand your definition of necessary and his definition may not be the same. Or the urgency you both feel may not be the same.
No adult likes to be bossed around or talked at by thier partner. None.
I would reproach the situation from a place of wanting to communicate and come up with a “game plan” together rather than “this is what were doing so deal with it” kind of approach.
He sounds like a toddler so start treating him like one. “Would you rather do this job with me this weekend or would you prefer I hire someone to do it with me?”
He doesn’t want to help? Then he can pay for help.
Pay someone when they aren’t home.
You deserve better. Leave.dont sacrifice your life.
I think the real problem here would be the “anger issues”, unsure what that means exactly, but it tends to be a communication problem.
Choose your battles and watch your timing. It doesn’t matter what I ask he will be mad if I ask within 10 minutes of him walking through the door. Also if it’s not important decide if it’s really necessary or if it can wait. Is something broken or just ugly?
Trade him in for a better model
First of all, therapy and anger management. He doesn’t want to do those things to become a better man? Leave. Don’t subject yourself to gaslighting behavior from a grown “man” child that won’t own his shit.
You cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves for the better.
If it’s becoming a bigger problem, it’s time to find a solution.
I just do them myself. Not worth the fight or having things done half assed. I stayed up until 2am while being ready to pop pregnant because I wanted to rip out the carpet and put wood flooring in my house. It’s been two years since that and the living room and hallway are the only rooms done. But eventually I’ll get the bedrooms and kitchen done as well.
Hire someone else and then tell partner… because if you’re not going to help do it, now you have to pay for it