Tips on co-parenting with a narcissist?

I have an almost eight-month-old son (Oct. 6th he’ll be eight months). His dad and I split up a month before he was born. I caught him cheating and threw him out of my house. A little bit of a backstory: so we were split up when I found out I was pregnant and I was on the IUD, so it was a surprise. I decided to keep the baby and let him know that he was more than welcome to give up his rights if he didn’t want to be part of the kid’s life or we could co-parent. Later on, he decided he wanted to work things out. After totaling his car from drunk driving and then later getting a DUI, the cheating was the final straw. He has another kid from a previous marriage that he always fails to show up for visits or is late or hungover. I wanted to do things the right way and go through court because he was starting to mess up with my son. He decided he wanted to give up his rights. When I served the paperwork taking away all visitation, he posted it online for people to bash like he didn’t ask for this (I have messages to prove it) I decided to put him on CS, and now he wants to be a dad, but he guilts next saying I took his son away and that I use him to hurt him. That I forced him away when he told me that he didn’t fight because I told him to stay away and then later it was because it was so expensive. I swear he drives me nuts with trying to make me look like the bad guy when all the evidence is there. Any suggestions? I’m not taking child support off, and I’ve been letting him see my son the past two weekends at my house, while I’m there before I change the order to allow him visitation.Not to mention, I now suffer from anxiety from everything that happened, and every time I have to deal with his explosive episodes of making me out to be the bad guy, I get anxiety attacks. I want my son to have both parents in his life.

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No dad is better than a bad dad.

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One thing I learned about co parenting with a narcissist, is…you can’t. You literally can’t if he is a true narcissist. Luckily my sons father isnt in the picture by choice so i dont have to worry about it anymore. But it is impossible.

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^^. What she said. You can’t force him to grow up. And so what. Be the bad guy. Stand up for your baby. You know the truth and your little will eventually know the truth. Hes always gonna make you out to be the bad guy.

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My best advice.
Do any and all discussion about visitation, child support via court.
Talk ONLY about your child. If he starts arguing, starts getting combative, starts talking about other things just walk away or stop responding.
Don’t argue with him. That’s what he wants. If he posts something to make you at fault then don’t respond. If someone wants to see proof that he actually did whatever he’s saying he didn’t then show them. But you shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone.

Keep contact to a minimal and eventually he will move on.

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The hard truth is that sometimes having both parents can hurt more than help.

With that said I would go to court and get a solid custody agreement and support plan. Request first right of refusal and since he is so young no overnight visits.

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He is clearly just trying to guilt you. If he really wanted to be apart of your child’s life he wouldn’t have pulled all of the stuff he has. He’s had plenty of time to stand up as a father and has refused to, so it seems. He has made decision after decision for his own benefit and not your childs. Then claims he doesn’t want his rights to the child and so when everythings almost said and done he wants to take it back and make you look like the bad guy. Seems to me he just doesnt want to lie in the bed he made. He just wants control in some way over the situation. He sounds toxic. Maybe suggest things he has to do and complete first to prove he actually wants to be apart of your childs life, before you let him, because it isnt fair to you or your child to keep going through all of this just because your ex cant decide wether he wants to be a father or not and keeps changing his mind. So sorry by the way that your dealing with this. Stay strong mama :green_heart:

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The first mistake is filling for child support if you don’t want to allow him to take your son during his visitation days…just follow the court order that was set and don’t feed into his toxicity…

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Call his ass out on the shit he bashed u for… u have the proof!!

Stop letting him get into your emotions. Focus on you and your baby and take everything through the courts.

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Morgan Pierce you might read this. Very similar situation

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this is common, but usually it’s the mother. Good for you, for doing what’s best for the baby. :slight_smile: Whenever he post or says things about you, ask yourself who he’d be bashing you to that would believe him and then out of those people, who you care about. For example; an ex usually bashes the other to their own friends and family. Do you care what those people think? If they believe him and what comes from his mouth, assuming it’s all lies, they obviously don’t know you well and aren’t worth your time or energy. Let him live in his own world. Collect CS and provide your child the best life you can. Allow the father to be involved as he would like to be, as long as it’s not causing damage to the child and let the rest go. It’s not your business what others think of you. :wink:

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My best advice is to research narcissistic abuse. There are some great videos on YouTube especially by Angie Adkins. There are methods to dealing with narcissist and once you understand their abuse methods you will have better control. I also encourage you to continue to seek to eliminate his parental rights as the damage a narcissistic parent does to a child is lifelong and it will be only a matter of time before he starts using your child against you. They have no souls, they don’t care what it does to the kid. You can also research the results of having a narcissistic parent and if that doesn’t scare the crap out of you I don’t know what will

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Girl make HIM get the order changed. Not you. He’s in and out. If he wants to see him regularly, have HIM pay for the change and request it.

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I just read the first line. My experience… You can’t…

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is your child better off with a lying irresponsible drunk for a father? I certainly would not allow unsupervised visitation. What if he decides to drive drunk with the baby in the car? Just because he totaled his car doesn’t mean he can’t find/borrow another to drive.

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I have been there. Do what feels right. Don’t let him bully you

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Seriously stop contact with the Father. You don’t need this loser in your life or your sons.

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Try 3rd party visits, or supervised visits, so u dont have 2see him

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I know what your going through and you really have to just make the choice to not let his tries to change how ppl view you NOT bother you. If they believe the bs from him you dont want them in your life anyway. He will always manipulate and always be seflish in situations … Cut him off

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