Tips on regaining sense of self during motherhood?

How do you keep from losing yourself while being a mom and wife?


Make time for yourself. Get a gym membership and go. You don’t have to workout, but need that time alone


So if you still have enough sense of self to remember what you like, then make time to do those things and stick with it. If you feel like you don’t even know what you like anymore, then try some new things, things that scare you or seem hard but in an exciting interesting way, challenge yourself, etc


I’m 8+ years in. If you find out, let me know.


Me personally I try to find time to do the things I loved before becoming a parent. Reading and writing are my major go to. Even if its maybe 30 mins a night after the kids are in bed it can be so helpful.

I must’ve hit the lottery. These problems I dont have :rofl::rofl:

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A mother, a wife, a cleaner, a washer, a bather, a folder of washing and putting it away… it never ends. Something I saw, kinda sneaky… order your groceries online for pick up (if available in your country), tell the husband/partner your going out to do the shopping = 2 hours of you time, and pick up the groceries when you’re done!


Isn’t being a mother and part of yourself now? :thinking: Just like not being single or any change in life, that’s kind of who you are now, and most of time you choose to be that person… Good luck…


It’s been hard for me to do, but ask for help if you need it!

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Ha! good luck with that.

Your “self” is being a mother for the rest of your life lol


Take time for yourself. Ask your husband to take over and go run an errand solo, do a manicure, workout…something. Even if it’s once a week, it will help tremendously

Do things you enjoy, some with family, some with husband, some with friends or alone. Find a hobby. Join a group. Get a mom friend. Go out on dates, girl dates, mommy dates, romantic dates, all the dates. Go for a massage or facial. Get nails done once a month alone or with a child or a friend. Find a workout buddy and get in shape and hold each other accountable. Go shopping for clothes or jewelry or whatever makes you happy, or just get a coffee at the mall and window shop for an hour. Hand the kids to your husband and go to a movie no one else wanted to see and find its facebook page and discuss it with strangers. Take a walk everyday. Start gardening. Find a phone game and give yourself an hour a day to just zone out on it. Idk. Anything that makes you feel like you and not just someone’s wife or mother or maid or cook or cleaner or employee or daughter. Something that doesn’t obligate you, but excites you. Take a weekend away. Live your life with and without your family members. Meditate. You’ll figure it out. It’s ok to feel lost and overwhelmed. It’s ok to get help if you need it. It’s ok to want a break or take time off. It’s ok to not always love being a mom. It’s ok. You’re ok. You got this. We all got this. :+1:


I haven’t figured it out yet, I have a 13 year old and a baby.

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Make tine for yourself. Get your hair done, or nails. Have a spa day. Get a break. Its needed

Go to the movies alone, take walks alone, go to sit on the toilet and lock the door. I have two boys 12 and 7 and being a mommy never ends that’s the new me!! Me=mommy!

I make time for myself. I didn’t stop doing the things I enjoyed doing before I got pregnant. I don’t do it as much, but I haven’t stopped.

Alcohol…lots and lots of alcohol! In all seriousness, you have to take time for yourself. If hubby is supportive, he’ll help you find that time. If not, find friends or family willing to take kids for an hour. Save money and pay for a sitter every once in a while. Your mental health is just as important as being a mom and wife.

Who you are is constantly changing. Every day you live, every pain you experience, and every decision you make. Motherhood, like many other big events, is a huge adjustment. I’ve experienced it in my fatherhood with my 5 month old. In some ways I’ve become more patient. In others, less.

The first thing you want to acknowledge is that your life is no longer just yours. If you haven’t adjusted to that fact after marriage, then now’s the time to accept the fact that you share your life with another being: your child(ren). They, like any spouse, significantly impact who you are.

After that, it’s time to discover who you are. What’s changed since before your tummy became Bellyzilla. Good changes? Bad changes? Neutral changes that simply changed? Figure out how you feel about these alterations to who you are, and make adjustments where you feel it’s necessary.

I’ve never met a person who was exactly who they want to be and had no self goals (not saying they don’t exist. Simply saying I’ve never met one). Don’t be upset if you’re not the woman you wanted to be 9 months ago or 9 years ago. It’s a moving target and for me at least, I don’t think it’s a good idea to catch it, only to chase it.

Don’t let them. You can let the house go. If someone complains, hand them the mop and don’t feel guilty. That,s the trick. If the house is a mess, why is it all on you?