*Trigger warning: DV* How can I make my sister realize her relationship is toxic?

My sister was in a horrible relationship. He got her into drugs and drinking. She lost her girls; she lost everything. She got help and has been doing so so much better. She has now informed all of us that she was back with this man. He proposed to her, and she said yes. This man has beat her, drugged her and taken the money, and paid men to have sex with her. He has put her in the hospital and left her stranded hours away from home or anywhere close for us to rescue her. I don’t know if I can go a second round with this. She just got visitation with her girls again. I’m at a loss at what to do. Part of me says to tell her I can’t be there this time around. But part of me is terrified that when he does beat her again and shes stranded beaten and bloodied she won’t call me to come to get her. I know this will end very badly. It never gets better; it only gets worse. Please help with advice. it’s her choice and her freedom to choose who she is with, but I don’t know if I can sit through another er visit because he’s beaten her so bad or drugged her so bad. What do I do? Sincerely a very concerned sister

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Tell her u love her and so dose her girl and tell her how u feel about her being with this monster

He’s paid men to have sex with her?

Sometimes it’s tough love cut your ties

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Very tough situation - unfortunately you cannot do anything. You can express your concerns and then cut ties it’s hard but is the stress to you and your family worth it if she doesn’t care more about your feelings and goes back to him?.

If she doesn’t see it herself after getting help and all the severe things that have happened then there’s nothing you can do. Some people don’t want to see it no matter how many people tell them how bad it is. All you can do is be there for her and remind her that she’s better than that.

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Honestly, if it’s gotten to the point of her kids being taken away, nothing you can say or do will make her realize how bad her relationship is. I had a similar relationship (I never did drugs though). But physical abuse was present with many hospital visits, having my property stolen etc. After an incident, I was put on a supervision order with CPS. I didn’t lose my kids because I got what was needed done. But honestly, she won’t leave until She sees what is wrong. She won’t leave until she has had enough. My mom always told me that, nothing she could say or do would make me leave and she was right. I didn’t see all the bad because I love him. I listened to my mom but didn’t listen enough to leave. But eventually I had enough. I did this x2.
Just support her, express your concern and maybe, hopefully soon, she will open her eyes.

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You won’t be able to convince her or tell her. She won’t leave until she’s ready unfortunately. All you can do is be there to support her when she finally realizes she needs to get away.

Hit him with your car. Haul ass outta there. No witnesses.

Keep being supportive but when she calls to be rescued call 911. But also tell her how you feel.

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I wouldn’t even express concerns! I was in a very toxic relationship once and the more people told me to leave the more I wanted to stay…it was like I was trying to ‘prove’ we was good together to people that had doubts. When you are in a toxic relationship you lose sight of the bad things because all you think about is the times that he isn’t abusing you.

Either cut ties or don’t say anything, you expressing your concerns isn’t going to do anything, even her loosing her own children hasn’t changed anything so quiet clearly you won’t be able to change anything

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Why isn’t this POS in jail. With all the domestic violence laws now she doesn’t even have to be the one to press charges. Speak to the DA about this situation.

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Short answer you can’t make her see anything. As heartbreaking as this is it is her story and decision. Love her through it, sounds like she will need it.

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As someone who went through a toxic relationship, you can’t, she’s gonna have to convince herself. Be there for her when she’s ready, distance yourself and maybe she will reach out. The more you try to push her, she will push you away.

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Oi vey :disappointed: you’re exactly right- it is sadly her choice to be in this relationship, and she may need to hit her own personal rock bottom before she gets out permanently. Just like in an intervention- tell her exactly what you told us. Tell her what her choices have done to your family, to her own kids. Give her the ultimatum and then stick to it. Get help or you walk away. And then do just that. She will reach out if she’s ever ready. I’m sorry you have to watch her spiral… just know you can’t fix this.

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Carry a gun and if you see him abuse her or threaten you…shoot him!

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Try showing her that she’s better off. She got herself clean, sees her kids now and did it without him. Its such a hard spot you’re in :frowning: just keep letting her know you love her but you do not support her. If he’s using drugs in a home they live in call the cops and get him in trouble for possesion! Do anything you can to make her realize he is trouble.

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Shes in a drug dependent relationship. Nothing you say will help. My brother is the dude in this scenario. She will need to realise it for herself.

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You need to tell that girl the hard truth if she’s loves her babies and wants to be any part of their live she will tell this man he needs to go and she needs to file a protection order permanently!! Remind her of her children and how much they need her remind her of the past the truth and be straight with her and say I love you please try to remember why you left in the first place remember how you go to your lowest of Lows and who was their to pick you up And who wasn’t their to help ! Show her how you love her but also re open those old wounds to open her eyes if this doesn’t work nothing will​:woman_facepalming:t3::sob:

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You will never change her mind