I need help, I just had a miscarriage last night & it feels like my heart is leaving my body. The world is crumbling around me & I feel destroyed. It all happened so fast, but so slow. We tried for months & months to get pregnant, I took the prenatal’s, I did everything & I mean everything the doctors told me to do. I took test after test after test to finally realize we are expecting, my heart was so full, my body felt complete. From the moment the little line showed up, I knew my world would never be the same. We told our son, who’s 3 he’s going to be a big brother. He was so excited, he would rub my belly, kiss my belly & talk to the baby every night & every day. He thanked God, we’d pray & thank Jesus for this beautiful miracle. I felt fine, I felt healthy, I went to the doctors last Friday for a check up, everything was great. I got a phone call on Monday, my HCG levels were at 39 & they wanted me to do a test to see why they are so low. I was only 4 weeks, but I agreed. I went to the hospital for the blood work done yesterday & then went to see my Dr. the same day for the results. He put me in his office, and I could tell some thing was wrong, I felt it in my gut. But I prayed, I sat in that office I rubbed my belly & I prayed my sweet baby was ok. In less than 4 days my levels had dropped to HCG 5. I was devastated, I screamed & cried I was all alone. How can this be happening to me? I’ve done everything right. I mean everything. We prayed so hard, we tried so hard. The doctors said it was a “chemical pregnancy” that the “baby would have had a chromosome issue”. But I don’t understand I had to tell my son the baby was no longer there, the worst moments of my life. It’s like my world is falling apart before me. My doctor cleared me to tell family & friends. We bought onesies, we bought socks, I bought maternity clothes, I loved this baby so much. And now it’s gone, how will I ever be whole. Everyone keeps telling me “look at your son” of course I love my son, he’s my world but what about my baby in heaven. Everyone, even the doctor keeps saying “in 3 months try again” why so this can happen again? So I can have heartbreak. Will I worry the next pregnancy the whole time? I know I can’t leave my son, but I just want to be with my baby in heaven. No I’m not suicidal, I’m really not I’m hurting. I just am hurting. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to be “normal”. I’m bleeding, I’m loosing my baby. I’m loosing myself, I’m loosing our dreams, I’m loosing a life we created. Please help me feel better…
Everything your feeling is totally valid. It is nothing you did wrong so please don’t blame yourself. This is something that just happens and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Just because you have a beautiful baby boy doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed To feel sad about this baby you so badly wanted. Allow yourself to go through emotions as they come and I promise the will heal with time. Give yourself time. You will always have a little piece of your heart that is for your baby in heaven. I pray for these feelings to pass and for you to get your rainbow baby. Try again after one normal cycle. hang in there mama
I am so very sorry to hear this! I have been there myself, 6 times. I know your pain. My best advice would be, take all the time you need to mourn this loss. We all heal and deal in different ways, so scream and cry and mourn all you need. I would always tell myself it happened for a reason, that I was being spared from even worse heartbreak later on. I hope that can be comforting in some way for you. I also learned from a book I read, that naming this baby can be helpful, makes it not “I lost this baby” but “I lost my baby, (insert name), and I miss him/her everyday.” It did help me. I also kept a diary of my feelings for a long time. And yes, you will worry constantly when/if you become pregnant again. I will keep you in my thoughts.
This time of loss is terrible. I lost two at 10 weeks and one was the same as you. The one that was similar to what you are going thru was the toughest for me. I think it has something to do with the high of just finding out and then this huge crash. For me it did get better in time. Every mother’s day I wear my camo and also the little rings to remember them by. It will touch you and change you in many ways. I pray you can grow stronger from here. Snuggle your baby boy a little tighter. Of you do try again maybe wait before shouting from roof tops. As hard enough to deal with. Even harder when you have to tell a million people. . With that being said I have a healthy 6 year old now. Peace and Love to you. Also remember you did nothing wrong.
I’m so sorry mama. You have every right to hurt and grieve. I can’t say I understand why things like this happen… but your baby is in Jesus’ arms waiting for you in heaven.
It doesn’t make your baby you’ve lost any less loved to try again. And your son will understand someday.
Why would your dr clear you to tell anyone anything at only 4 weeks? That’s absurd.
I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. It’s so so difficult. And a pain I can’t even imagine. But You are strong and you are capable. You’ll get through this. Lean on those around you. Don’t grieve by yourself. Keep in mind you’re extra fertile after a miscarriage if that’s something you want. I’ll pray for you.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I do however find it off a doctor to clear a patient to tell family and friends you’re pregnant at just 4 weeks. My doctor and even superstitious people always say wait till after 12 weeks to announce.
Nothing I say will even come close to helping you cope with the loss of this child. Us mommas work so super hard to bring children in to this world and love so quickly when those little lines show up that’s our validation we did what we were designed to do. I only want you to remember this no matter how big or small…god only takes the best. Rest assured your feelings are valid and that little one was received by those who have passed before them and will be taken care of.
I am so sorry for your loss.it is heartbreaking.be kind to yourself.
I remember when I had my miscarriage. I was devistated as well. But now I am 35 weeks pregnant with my 4th child. Keep praying. God has a plan. He will show you a way and will make it happen for you one way or another
Its very common 1 out of 4 women experience miscarriages I had 3 and its nothing that you can forget especially if you been trying but like the doc. Said something was wrong maybe the baby was missing a lung or a organ so the baby would have major problems and that’s why I believe that cuz after I miscarried I had a health babies im on my 4th I did have a miscarriage before and now she’s is health due aug… so hang in there love be strong for your son and baby in heaven dont give up you will have another baby just in perfect time your son won’t completely understand but as long as your ok he will be ok hang in there…
I’ve had miscarriages in between each of my 5 live births. One the baby had stopped growing at 15 weeks and I found out at 19 weeks during the normal sono that I had lost it. My oldest daughter was with me (6 years old) and they sent me to an emergency specialist for a confirmation of demise. She was telling everyone she saw I had a dead baby in my belly. It was heart wrenching. Once they confirmed it I had to have an emergency D&C that turned into a D&E so I didn’t hemorrhage bc my body wasn’t extracting the pregnancy on its own. I couldn’t even bury my baby bc they said there wouldn’t be anything left of him. Although you could tell on the sonogram his head was deformed. At the time I was moving across the country 2 days later and didn’t have much time to accept what was going on. I almost immediately got pregnant and was not ready AT ALL. I still had not gone fully through the grieving process from the previous baby. I actually had considered abortion bc I was a complete mess. Fortunately the state I moved to required counseling prior to the procedure…when they did the ultrasound I was pregnant with twins. I couldn’t go through with the abortion, but I wound up losing one of the babies by the second ultrasound. My youngest was born and she was the best thing ever. She was just what I needed to help me get through that difficult time and she was the biggest blessing to our family.
Sending huge, virtual hugs as in the bear hugs roll with the feelings. Don’t hide them. Talk to people that will lift you up but don’t ever brush that loss off. It will hurt. But you are strong and will get through this. Eat chocolate, get a take away, do something for you hair, nails, read…draw or write, see if your up for meeting girlfriends in a couple of days, make plans and give your Son am extra special snuggle. All the very best of luck in the future you need sunshine and rain to make a rainbow
Oh sweetie my heart just broke for you, I know it mean nothing but time, just give it time… The pain never “goes away” but it does get better… I am so so sorry for what you are going through, I have been there I lost one of my twins at 10 weeks and had to watch them remove my child’s dead body from mine it was terrible and the hardest thing I have ever been through…
A loss of this magnitude is always difficult to process. I know every emotion of which you speak. I remember with my first pregnancy it was also a chemical pregnancy, and it was a difficult time. We lost 3 more in the next couple of years after that before finally going to fertility and doing IUI and finally getting my first live child. Here are some things I have discovered after misscarriage
Give yourself some grace. Your body and heart did not fail you.
It will be very hard but in the next few months, remember to not hold on to sadness and depression too tightly that you forget to see the good around you
Its NORMAL to feel angry at the situation, but its not ok to become angry at the world
Remember to check in with your partner and child, they are going through loss as well.
Do something special just for you. Something cathartic. Some people plant a Memory garden, but me? I bought jewelry with each of my angel babies (4 of them) birthstones. And whenever I put them on I speak to them in my heart
There are no answers to your questions. No because to the why.
You are not alone.
I have two my arms never met. I will grieve with you.
I had a missed miscarriage and found out about it just under two months ago when I went in for my 12 week ultrasound. The grief was so overwhelming that I laid in bed for a week, not eating, not showering, not speaking to anyone. Just sobbing and bleeding and not knowing how life was ever going to be the same again. I had poured all of the love in my heart into this little life, this person I hadn’t yet met but someone I loved so dearly I would have done anything to protect them, only to find out that my baby had passed away weeks before I ever knew.
I still am not okay. I don’t think I’ll ever be “over” it. But the further away you get from it, the easier that pain will be to carry. My fiance and I wrote letters to our child saying goodbye as a way to honor them, since you can’t exactly have a funeral. The only advice I can really give you is to feel the grief fully but don’t let it consume you. Be sad, be angry, but never blame yourself and don’t dwell on the why because you simply won’t get an answer. Sometimes there’s a plan in motion that’s too big for us to see. I’m so sorry for your loss. You are not alone, and I promise the pain will get better with time.
I’m so sorry for your loss.