Was I Wrong to Ask My Ex to Split the Cost Items Our Daughters Need for Winter?

QUESTION:

Was I wrong to ask my ex to help split what our daughters need for winter?

Am I irrational about this? I asked my girls’ dad if we can split winter coats and boots and stuff, like we each get one kid’s items. He’s insisting that that’s not fair or logical to him because we have 50/50 custody, and we should each buy sets for each kid.

I was like, well, IDK why they need two of each when it’s expensive. He went off talking about how I must not be managing my money lol and that I must be bored to be texting him. I was like this has nothing to do with you or me; it’s the kids and I think it makes sense because they don’t need two of everything.

I told him how I’ve bought all the school supplies, all the school clothes, all the spring and summer clothes, plus winter coats and boots last year and Halloween costumes and everything. Yet he insists that we don’t split it and we each buy our own. I don’t feel like that’s fair because I have done everything. And the one time I am struggling and racking my brain about how I’m gonna get this stuff, he flat out says no."

RELATED QUESTION: Should a Household Always Be 50/50?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“We have 50/50 of my partner’s kids. One week here and one week there, we buy for our house and she buys for hers. They need clothes at her house and at our house, buying one to go back and forth for us is asking for someone to lose a coat (or even forget because their mom tends to send them over in clothes not suited for the season ALL THE TIME) and then having to buy another one anyway so it’s easier for them to have a coat at each house.”

“This is sad. My ex-husband pays a pretty penny of child support to his ex but if she were ever struggling, we always helped with clothes, food, toys, etc. And most times she didn’t even have to ask, because we all want what’s best for our kids. Sounds like your ex needs to step off his high horse and help you.”

“Even if it’s 50/50 custody why would they need 2 coats? I think her way makes more sense for both of the parents. They’ll need a coat to get from one parent to the other. That’s something you can’t really keep at both houses.”

“In a lot of 50/50 custody agreements, it states that each parent buys the supplies, clothes, etc for each child while in their care. That would mean he’s right in saying you both should buy your own winter clothes. That way a coat doesn’t get forgotten at the other parent’s house or anything like that.”

“I see all these comments about having stuff at both houses for the child. What happens that way is the child ends up with two mediocre jackets that they hardly wear when they could have one good jacket they wear all the time. Also, kids with divorced parents live out of a suitcase. You can’t prevent it. They end up with favourite things that they bring back and forth that they don’t want to leave at one house or another. And telling them something belongs at mom’s house or dad’s house makes it feel like it doesn’t belong to the kid like it should. As a kid who lived this life and not a parent thinking they are doing the right thing (sorry but you really don’t know until you’ve been on the other end of it) I agree they should split the cost of the winter gear. No kid wants to separate outfits for different houses. It’s confusing and makes them different from other kids.”

“50/50 you buy everything they need when at your house and he does the same for when they are with him. If you are proven financially stable to have them half of the time then you should be able to provide for them when in your care.”

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43 Likes

In a lot of 50/50 custody agreements, it states that each parent buys the supplies, clothes, etc for each child while in their care. That would mean he’s right in saying you both should buy your own winter clothes. That way a coat doesn’t get forgot at the other parents house or anything like that.

12 Likes

But your own and don’t send them with any clothes when they go to his house.

2 Likes

Honestly I saved the hassle when me and my husband split up. I just bought whatever I needed. And as soon as it was his week he had everything that he needed. My kids left my house in the clothes they had on and maybe a sippy cup or 1 toy. And when they came back it was the same way. I didnt ask him for anything nor did he ask me. We just both made sure they were taken care of when we had them without eachothers help
It saved so many arguements.

It’s going in my agreement that we split extra costs such a this or school supplies. What is in your agreement?

Buy your own. And when your child visits from his house, send her back in what she came in that way you have your clothes and he has his. But yes, buy the clothes for your house. It’s ridiculous to expect him to pay for the clothes and then send half to your house or you pay for clothes and send half to his house. Most courts will say you provide for your own household.

4 Likes

If you need financial help you should just ask him.

I buy everything my ex dont do anything and then he acts like father of the year! Its frustrating but its my child and they know who does everything…

Saves money if you split…makes no sense…

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Hi everyone! It’s Monique using Ron’s phone again. I am the non custodial parent. When my ex called me with the same request for our son, I said yes, thank you. I was grateful he wanted to split the cost because that stuff adds up like crazy. I will pray that your ex gets his act together and starts listening to your requests.

5 Likes

You’ll find a way to provide mama

We have 50/50 but I pay child support. I make ALOT more than he does. I buy her nice clothes for school and buy all her winter gear too it is expensive and I do send it with her to his house to make sure she has nice things and doesn’t have to wear what he can “afford” its whats in the best interest for our children please try and remember that. Don’t buy stuff then keep it from your kids because of him. My daughters dad is a POS but I will not let my daughter suffer.

6 Likes

Can you put it on like afterpay or something? So its small manageable payments? Thats what I might end up doing.

1 Like

If he doesn’t want to save money by buying it together, then you can’t really force him. 50/50 literally means you do you.

3 Likes

Nope they are his kids too…you shouldn’t have to ask he should be offering to

50/50 you buy everything they need when at your house and he does the same for when they are with him. If you are proven financially stable to have them half of the time then you should be able to provide for them when in your care.

6 Likes

I’d do my own his own. Because every time I send my kid with something she never comes back with it. Ever. :woman_facepalming:

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Is he paying child support? Some states such as mine still require one parent to pay child support. If he is, technically I feel his argument is valid and you can’t really go further. Unless your decree outlines who pays for what, it’s going to be a battle it sounds like.

Maybe he will grow up and realize you’re struggling and rightfully need the help to take care of your children. Or perhaps, since he wants to buy some anyway, offer to split his costs and reimburse him. If your paperwork doesn’t outline who buys what you might end up SOL on this one sadly.

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It depends… growing up my cousins had stuff for their moms and stuff for their dads because one or both parents wouldn’t send tbe stuff back… im also seeing that now with my nieces and nephews. :woman_shrugging: Each family is different but his view is totally normal. :woman_shrugging:

Klarna, you can buy things and it breaks it up in 4 payments over 6 weeks