Was I wrong to ask my ex to help split what our daughters need for winter?
Am I irrational about this? I asked my girls’ dad if we can split winter coats and boots and stuff, like we each get one kid’s items. He’s insisting that that’s not fair or logical to him because we have 50/50 custody, and we should each buy sets for each kid.
I was like, well, IDK why they need two of each when it’s expensive. He went off talking about how I must not be managing my money lol and that I must be bored to be texting him. I was like this has nothing to do with you or me; it’s the kids and I think it makes sense because they don’t need two of everything.
I told him how I’ve bought all the school supplies, all the school clothes, all the spring and summer clothes, plus winter coats and boots last year and Halloween costumes and everything. Yet he insists that we don’t split it and we each buy our own. I don’t feel like that’s fair because I have done everything. And the one time I am struggling and racking my brain about how I’m gonna get this stuff, he flat out says no."
RELATED QUESTION: Should a Household Always Be 50/50?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“We have 50/50 of my partner’s kids. One week here and one week there, we buy for our house and she buys for hers. They need clothes at her house and at our house, buying one to go back and forth for us is asking for someone to lose a coat (or even forget because their mom tends to send them over in clothes not suited for the season ALL THE TIME) and then having to buy another one anyway so it’s easier for them to have a coat at each house.”
“This is sad. My ex-husband pays a pretty penny of child support to his ex but if she were ever struggling, we always helped with clothes, food, toys, etc. And most times she didn’t even have to ask, because we all want what’s best for our kids. Sounds like your ex needs to step off his high horse and help you.”
“Even if it’s 50/50 custody why would they need 2 coats? I think her way makes more sense for both of the parents. They’ll need a coat to get from one parent to the other. That’s something you can’t really keep at both houses.”
“In a lot of 50/50 custody agreements, it states that each parent buys the supplies, clothes, etc for each child while in their care. That would mean he’s right in saying you both should buy your own winter clothes. That way a coat doesn’t get forgotten at the other parent’s house or anything like that.”
“I see all these comments about having stuff at both houses for the child. What happens that way is the child ends up with two mediocre jackets that they hardly wear when they could have one good jacket they wear all the time. Also, kids with divorced parents live out of a suitcase. You can’t prevent it. They end up with favourite things that they bring back and forth that they don’t want to leave at one house or another. And telling them something belongs at mom’s house or dad’s house makes it feel like it doesn’t belong to the kid like it should. As a kid who lived this life and not a parent thinking they are doing the right thing (sorry but you really don’t know until you’ve been on the other end of it) I agree they should split the cost of the winter gear. No kid wants to separate outfits for different houses. It’s confusing and makes them different from other kids.”
“50/50 you buy everything they need when at your house and he does the same for when they are with him. If you are proven financially stable to have them half of the time then you should be able to provide for them when in your care.”
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