What are the dos and dont's of dating when you have kids?

I’m looking to hear thoughts and tips, dos and donts on dating and relationships when u have children. I am a single mom of 4, we have had some bad experiences in the past, I’m wondering should I just wait till they are all grown. I’m 34 my baby loves are 3, 7, 14, and 16. I’m hoping to hear real advice from real experience or education on the topic, not a bunch of judgmental bs that won’t be received anyway. Ty in advance. Pics are me and my kiddos, so the post doesn’t get lost.

11 Likes

Do t be in a hurry with any man… dont Introduce to your children until you feel it’s right or going serious for sure… ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDRENS JUDGEMENT ON SOMEONE. specially younger children they are very intuitive

10 Likes

Don’t force it. Don’t push him on your kids or your kids on him until everyone is comfortable and ready. When the time comes DO be very obseverent, watch how he interacts with you children and watch their body language. Take ques from your children. Watch for fakeness.

5 Likes

I say go for it, I mean don’t just meet someone then introduce them but be open to finding someone and take it slow and if you feel like you can see a future with them then you can introduce them.

In my experience I kept anyone from meeting my little guy till it was a committed relationship and my current boyfriend actually sat down with my son and asked him bud are you okay if I date your momma I mean his answer was is that really my business lol but the effort to show him what he wants matters really helped to ease into having someone new in our lives and we have now been together for 4 years on baby number 2 together and he raises and claims my oldest as his own!! Just make sure who are dating is ready for the package deal and knows there will be some adjustment period when blending a family!!

12 Likes

Date casually, and don’t introduce the kids unless it’s getting serious. Do not lie about having kids though. Because if they are going to run from that, it’s better it happens before feelings are involved. I was a single mom for many years, and tried to play by these rules (and yes, still got burned sometimes), but ended up falling for a friend with a kid the same age as mine. Play dates and babysitting for each other, led to time together where we fell in love. (10years ago now. ) I hope that your road to happiness is less bumpy.

5 Likes

Kids dont need to meet them until you know its permanent. Run a background check if possible. If your kids dont like him walk away. Dont force him I to daddy mode. They are not his kids and shouldnt be expected to support or take care of them

9 Likes

I waited to date again until my youngest was 16. If I had it to do over again, probably would have started again when she started being more independent (maybe 14). The time focused on my kids has been very precious and we never had to worry about them feeling displaced, pushed aside or resent of a new person. But. .she is full blown into dating her own person now and for a bit, it bbn kinda left me a little lonely. Lol. I do not regret AT ALL waiting and having that time with them and time to discover/embrace who I have become!

1 Like

I’ll be waiting a kind ass time . I have a girl. No chances I will take . Each to there own

dont do it in the kitchen and dont let him spend the night

2 Likes

I didn’t actually force dating. I went out dancing to just be with girlfriends on Saturday nights. I ended up meeting my fiance, who is the father of my second and third child. My first born was 2 when I met him. I found it intimidating and really questionable at first when he would mention I could bring my 2 year old to a dinner date with me. I legit asked if he was a pedophile or something since he seemed so nonchalant about meeting a young one. He ended up just being a family guy and the best man that’s ever been in my life. I was skeptical, because I was preyed on a lot growing up by older men and have a bad history with men. He proved me wrong though. <3 When it’s meant to be, it will come naturally.

2 Likes

:slight_smile: Don’t be selfish. It’s not about you anymore. It’s about them. Listen to their thoughts and feelings about this person. Dont just force them into your kids’ life, or they definitely won’t feel comfortable.

Edit: It’s also a REALLY bad idea to introduce someone new to your 16 year old this late in your relationship with her. She’s about to be grown, so tread carefully with who you choose. How they treat your oldest will say a lot about them!

1 Like

Don’t introduce everyone to your kids and make sure they know your kids come first

1 Like

You have to do what feels right for you and your kids. Period. If you start seeing someone, see them a few times before even thinking about introducing them to your kids. Get a feel for them and who they are, as well as how they are. But make sure on date number one that they know you have kids. When you’re ready, they’re ready and the kids are ready, introduce everyone in a public location or social gathering. That’s what I did. I have 4 kids… When I met my husband, my kids were 15, 15, 10 and 5. My husband and I met through mutual friends. I went out with him a few times, then when everyone was ready, I made dinner and invited him as well as the mutual friends and their kids (who are friends with my kids). I think it made it easier for everyone. He was comfortable. The kids were comfortable. A few days later, I had him over for dinner with just us. Whatever you do, don’t put your happiness on hold until your kids are grown. I took my kids from an extremely toxic and shitty relationship and I told myself I was done. I wasn’t dating. Then I went out to celebrate my best friends birthday, her husband brought one of the guys he worked with along… the rest is history!

Why do I feel like I know you?

It’s all personal opinion. The only real do’s and dont’s are what you feel they are.

1 Like

Id date but not bring him around unless u know its serious. The last thing u want is men walking in and out of their lives. U will know when its time

5 Likes

There’s no reason to spend your life alone. I’d say wait a decent period of time (6 months dating IMO) before introducing your kids. It would be tough to have people in and out of their lives. I feel with that amount of time, you know them pretty well. Its never easy, but wishing you well. I hope you find happiness!!

I agree with the previous women. I’m in the same boat about dating and my ex and I agreed to waiting six months of dating someone before the kids are Introduced. Best of luck!

Just my opinion, but why not wait till the kids are grown. I say that because there’s so many cases of step parents harming, abusing or sexually assaulting their partners children. In my opinion, enjoy your children and your life with them and once they have all grown up, begin to date. I hope this helps. No judgement here on other people’s opinion☺️

3 Likes