I am a 40 yr old mom of 2 (20 yr old daughter and 16 yr old son ) and stepmom of 2 boys ( ages 20 and 12 ). My problem is my adult daughter is disrespectful towards me and has been for a few years now. Two weeks after graduation in 2018, we had a disagreement about rules, and she ran off. A few days later, she came home and told me she was moving in w her dad and his mother. She lived w them for a year and now has her own place she shares with her boyfriend. While she was living at dad’s, she got into the habit of degrading mew her grandmother, and she would go through periods of disrespect w me, and when I would stick up for myself and my home, she would refuse to visit me. I have gone months at a time without speaking to her because of this treatment she insists upon giving me. Christmas, she came by and unblocked my number, and I have since tried to forge a new relationship. She visits every few weeks but then goes to her dad’s and talks dirt on me and my home, saying my home is dirty and not taken care of, my dogs smell and the boys r thieves and that I love them more than her. None of this is true, but she talks about me with the grandmother. My son comes home and tells me. I confront my daughter, and she tells me how she feels. I am heartbroken and have been for quite some time now. I just want a relationship with her that is loving and respectful. I try to tell her that but she keeps doing this. What can I do to get this to end already???
Maybe try counseling together
Sounds like a lot more to this story
Let it go its her problem she will come around.
your raising entitled, do not help she is a big girl
Honestly, if you’re not getting anywhere then maybe it’s time to tell her the cold hard truth about how she’s acting and that she’s acting disgusting. That if she wants to hate you not to come around.
I know she’s your kid, but its not healthy for you.
Exhaust some options like offering therapy/counseling with her or asking her why she feels that way and attempting to get to the bottom of it, but if you have tried everything and she for some reason still hates on you, I think it’s time to cut ties and stop trying for a while.
A toxic person is a toxic person, no matter who they are.
Until she learns NOT to play victim and to find her own happiness, she’ll always be that way. Continue to standup for yourself and demand respect. She’ll learn one day, she may be your age, that your the one who has always had her best interest.
There is more to this. She is upset with you about something and I don’t think she has told you. There is a root to this problem that you haven’t gotten to. She seems to be lashing out at you she seems hurt and upseat.
Don’t play. It is a game. She sees you, complains to them, and then you complain to her. Don’t complain to her. Act like you don’t know what she says. The only way to win the game is to not play.
Tell her once she gets her head out of her ass, that you’ll be there for her… But you won’t be waiting. Move on and and take care of your other children.
I’m sorry but kin or not you don’t deserve her disrespect, quit trying to coddle her. Ignore her 2 year old behavior and her till she can act like a normal human being. Just because you are her mother does not mean you have to let her walk all over you.
Daughter or not you don’t have to have toxic people in your life. Block and get on with your life. No need to explain anything or have communication with your ex or his family as your shared daughter is now an adult. I cut my father out of my life as he kept telling me I was a disappointment and that was because I wouldn’t lend him money!! He has gambled everything he owns so I am not continuing to support his habit. Time for you. It hurts but you get to focus on you without the constant putdowns and bad behaviour. Refuse to allow her to have any power over you any longer. Just block her number. Don’t engage in you said she said arguments. If she wants to know why you are stepping back tell her “I don’t feel respected. You are an adult and when she is ready to have a respectful adult relationship you will welcome that. Until then, you are stepping away for the time being.”
Sounds like their is more to this story then what’s being said, however she is an adult and needs to be treated as an adult. She is your daughter, but at some point one has to say enough is enough. You could try and speak with her, and attempt to go to counseling but she might not want that. So you back off. Stop calling, stop texting, stop playing this never ending mind fuck game. Right now she is playing both sides of the field, and has been doing so for quite sometime. So shut your end down. Be open and honest about her behavior and when she is ready to reach out be there. But stop trying to force something that she clearly doesn’t want.
Maybe you do treat the boys better or differently than her.
I hear a lot of blaming on the daughter, but zero owning up to your involvement in all of this. Maybe you should start there, because she didn’t start acting this way for no reason.
There is obviously way more to this story than this post. It sounds like she is very hurt and upset. Start by figuring out why she is so upset with you (unless you already know) and fix that before you two try to start your “new” relationship.
I suggest a family counselor. I would be willing to bet there is a root cause to her feelings that she hasn’t shared with you. Ignoring her, not communicating with her, or trying to control her behavior (by punishment, etc.) isn’t going to fix the root cause and will most likely just make it worse.
This is only your side defo more to this I’m sure she has her reasons also not a question strangers can answer
Stop trying. Stand up for yourself, cut her off, and stand by it. Two things will happen. Either she’ll realize you are not putting up with her disrespect anymore and she’ll change or she’ll stop making contact with you. There’s nothing you can do to force her to respect you. She’s an adult and will make her own decisions. Ultimately, if you don’t want to be disrespected then you have to put a stop to it by cutting her off. Although it does sound like there might be more to this whole situation, but that’s besides the point.
Maybe ask your daughter to see a therapist with you