What if my ex tells me I cannot move with my kids?

So my ex-husband and I share two kids together. A 9 and 12-year-old. He lives across the country. He hasn’t had any contact with them for nine years, and that’s been his choice. He knows our address and my phone number — still nothing. I’m remarried and have two additional children. Well, we are currently trying to relocate. Just to NY. Not too far away from where I am right now. But it is a different state. I’ve found his gift number, and I did message her to let them know we are moving. My question is, what happens if he says no?? It’s been nine years, his choice, how is that fair?? Especially when our kids want to move. Will I just have to go to court? I’m so torn. I can’t even sleep because I’m not sure what he will say. He hates me and anything that has to do with me, so naturally, I feel like he will say no. Ugh, thanks for reading sorry it’s so long.


If there is no legal court agreement in place, then you can but prepare for court anyways


Can you prove everything you’re saying? Texts emails whatever? In my state after 6months of no contact it’s considered abandonment.


Don’t ask. Just go. He’s been gone 9 years. The court does what’s best for the kids.


Fk him. I wouldnt ask him shit.

Everything depends on whether or not he has any type of custody and if it’s to another state. If both answers are no then he has absolutely no say. If it goes to court I can’t see him winning with that visitation record.

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Just move… if he isn’t motivated enough to try to see his kids, then he isn’t motivated enough to file anything and/or attend court. I wouldn’t have even asked.


What does your custody agreement say about moving? Standard is that you usually have to provide written notification to the other parent 30-60 days before the move. Unless it states in your custody agreement he can’t make you stay somewhere.

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No contact with him for 9 years and you choose to tell him this? Why potentially create drama?


I don’t think he will really care, since he hasn’t for 9 years. It all depends on your custody arrangement though I think… but since he’s been completely out of the picture, I honestly don’t see where he would have much of a say. I can’t see this not resulting in you not being able to move. Just talk to someone who does this kind of stuff for a living and get the answers you need.

Why message his girlfriend? That just seems like you want a problem honestly. Just go, if he hasn’t had any contact in 9 years, clearly he is POS father and the court would likely not even take him seriously at this point, IF he even took it there.


If you ain’t got any papers. Move, give him your address, I bet he will still not ever come see the kids.

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I’m surprised you even said anything if hes been gone for 9 years. I’d say he was fortunate you even updated him at all. Idk what the custody arrangement is but if he hasn’t been honoring his side of it then you have nothing to worry about.

Go to social services and ask them. Even if you dont qualify for state assistance they are there for those things. Or go to a lawyer.

If he lives in another state, moving to another state shouldn’t be an issue, even if you went to court. If the two of you were living in the same town he could potentially argue that moving to another state would prevent him from spending time with the kids. BUT moving when he already lives away from the kids? Not an issue.

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I’m pretty sure a judge would side with you . Good luck with everything!

Girl, do what you want. He obviously doesn’t care about the babies he helped make.
Move & live your best life.

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If he hasn’t had any contact with them then he won’t even care if you move. Just go! You have a new hubby and kids to think about.

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I had the same issue but I went ahead and moved because it’s not like he was actually involved anyways. He didn’t do anything and surprisingly enough he is actually involved now that we live 12 hours away

It considered abandonment after 30 days of no contact. You are free to do as you wish.