What is a fair amount of time to ground my kids?

What is a good amount of time to ground an 8 and 11-year-old, and what sort of grounding is acceptable for being extremely disrespectful to their parents and literally never listening to anything? They already do daily chores, and we don’t do very much screen time in our home. I’ve tried spanking, time out in the corner, sitting on the couch all day, stern talking. They also go to bed at 9:00 every night except weekends. They fight with each other constantly; they fight with us, they try to parent one another. I’m at my wits end. Everyone outside of our home is always bragging about how well behaved they are, but here they’re just terrible. I know this is their safe place and the one place they feel comfortable enough to have all their little moods, but I will not let my child get comfortable disrespecting me. I just don’t know what else I can do.

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Simple take everything off them that they play on tablets ipads consoles tvs everything

Take everything away from them that they have until they start respecting you

When my two oldest (11 & 12) fight a lot like this I make them sit down and right an essay or a poem about their sibling…I do random topics such as reasons they love their sibling, ways they can be more respectful towards one another, and their favorite thing about the other person. Then I make them read them out loud to each other. They hate it and it works (most of the time!! Lol). Good luck!!

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You can go jail style and take everything out of their room except the mattress and give them a daily change of clothes until they decide they wanna not be disrespectful

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I’d start small with 3 days or something like that and if it continues, no improvement increase the time to like a week? no friends, no tv, in their rooms for the night by 8 or 8:30. But make sure they understand WHY they are in trouble.

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I even took the door off of the hinges of my 14 yr old son’s bedroom. I told him he could get it back by doing his homework and following house rules. He went months without it.

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My older two are 11 and 8 as well, I take everything away from them excypt a pillow and blanket they also get not snacks treats or junk food untill they start behaving. Usually only takes a day or two.

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I make my daughter write sentences when nothing else works. 100x saying she will not do whatever is she was doing. But sibling arguments are normal and everything is worse right now with the pandemic and always being in eachothers faces all day. If my kids keep getting on eachother I separate them out for the day and not let them talk to eachother at all for the day. That usually works they start to miss eachother

I give extra chores. Things they don’t normally do. Clean out the fridge, clean windows and blinds, baseboards. They HATE it.

Girl im in same boat my girls are off the hook I took my almost 11 year Old daughter door off the hinges because she thought she could slam it in my face my 9 year old is off the hook im trying everything im about to strip bedroom of everything but bed and blanket pillow im so done with the behavior and the fighting is off the hook

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Not necessarily screen time but maybe something they can earn to get back after you take everything.

Sounds like potentially not enough sleep, kids get this way when they’re not getting an early enough night - I get this way when I’ve been up too late. Try getting them to bed at 8 and see if that makes a difference x

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My kids are 8 & 9 and act like this! Im ready to pull my hair out from it.

I think acknowledging they are people and have moods and bad days helps. “Little moods” is a bit condescending. Obviously I’m not saying allow disrespect but are we always happy, perfect people no. I think talking to them about appropriate ways to vent their anger, to discuss their emotions or work through them would help.
If they are disrespectful and mean etc after then I would take away xyz, ground etc
The pandemic is really affecting lots of children, they’re worried and stressed and missing normality too.

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Lady I work with used to make her kids copy word for word of the dictionary. And if it didn’t match she would rip it and make them start over. Could start with words like respect, disrespectful, etc.
Earlier bed time, if they start fighting after dinner…goodnight!
Hand them a tooth brush and make them scrub the toilet, bath tub/shower.
Mine are 6 and 8 and continue to fight often, it get to the point I open the front door and tell them if they are going to continue to fight with each other they can go in the yard and duke it out and not coming back in until someone is bleeding. The panic sets in and they are nice to each other for a while lol if they are nasty to me I look them dead in the eye and tell them to tell me that again to my face, again panic sets in and they apologize and do what I had asked. They say often I’m a mean mom, but they are also telling me they love me more.

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We do table time, absolutely no talking or noises nothing to play or fiddle with they have to sit on their hands. My kids hate it

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I love my children. Maybe they need to know you love them and care about there feelings and emotional outbursts. Are they asking for help??

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Try connecting instead of punishing. Times are tough for adults right now who HAVE fully developed brains. Sit with them for 10 minutes a day each and give them your absolute undivided attention. Let them pick what that looks like. Are they choosing to share how they feel? Do they want to talk about current events? Do they want to play a board game or read a book chapter out loud. Whatever it is it’s you, them, eye contact and a big hug at the end. Never use one on one time as leverage. No matter their behavior they get one on one. I guarantee after 1 week you’ll be seeing a big improvement.

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This literally sounds like my life.