What should I do about my childs behavioral problems?

My 5-year-old daughter has been having behavioral problems at preschool for the last 4-5 months. I have noticed a pattern to it, but I do not want to put the blame anywhere. I just need advice on how to fix this or help her. She is with me Sunday night through Friday afternoon. Her father picks her up from school Friday and keeps her until Sunday evening. for a while, I was allowing him to keep her Sunday night as long as he got her to school Mondays because He just moved into a new house closer to us. I noticed her behavior changing around that time. I know change is hard on kids, but what has me confused is the fact that when she is with him all weekend and goes straight to school, I get calls after calls from the school. When I keep her all weekend, she has minor to no issues at school. Tonight she came home from her father’s being very aggressive to her brother. mean to the animals. She had a horrible attitude with me and my bf. I don’t understand it. I have tried to reach out to her father about it, but he thinks I am making it all up even though he also receives emails from that school, but he doesn’t see it as a problem because she doesn’t act that way with him. he and I do not often communicate as he makes me go through his GF if I have anything I need to tell him about our child.

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Sounds like she’s just acting up because she’s confused and upset. Maybe she likes being at Dad’s and doesn’t know how to work out her emotions and feelings about having to constantly go back and forth every week.

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More than likely the routine break from your house to his is a lot for her to handle. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s doing anything wrong, but it’s different and different can be intimidating to young kids.

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Sounds like you need to sit down and have a talk with your daughter. It may not be her father it could be his girlfriend… to young children moms and dads are suppose to be together and when that doesnt happen and then other ppl are brought into the mix and two different houses it tends to be more then the child can handle… A conversation is needed between you and your daughter by yourselves so she can be comfortable enough to let out her feelings and emotions.

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Counseling and therapy… those trained professionals can get to the bottom of it. Best wishes.

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What kind of environment is provided at her dads? Is it aggressive? Does she have step sibling or half siblings that misbehave? I would think she is mirroring some type of behaviour

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You know where the problem is wake up

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If you ask her and she refuses to communicate what’s going on with her then you will have no choice but to bring her to a professional specializing in separate households sharing custody. Crazy that the school hasn’t helped her or either of you which says to me that just can’t be bothered :rage: kind of “your kid your problem.”Don’t let this go on much longer because it could really spiral out of control.

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Look up PCIT and follow it regularly, it’ll change everything for the better I promise.

Sit down and talk to her. If that doesn’t work and she doesn’t want to talk about it with you maybe seek outside help? A lot of schools have counselors that can help without seeking out a professional outside of the school. If you use a counselor they would have access to school records and teacher/witnesses to the said problems. I know change is hard and scary - it could be as simple as not getting enough sleep or something in her diet. It could also be something more serious and need to be addressed differently. She may be having issues communicating this due to her age and or lack of knowing the issue. It could also be for fear of communicating the actual problem whether it is fear from a threat or fear from consequences :woman_shrugging: first step is to sit her down and try to talk. Gather the information and move forward using your best judgement!

Just for your comfort, most kids who act out towards a parent is usually towards the parent that they trust the most. They trust the fact that you will love them unconditionally and they can let their emotions out without fear. Little ones have big emotions, they have no idea out to control yet.
If your arrangement is not through court I would make it so and I would request that all information and communication be through text with her father only. It’s his child and he needs to handle it not his girlfriend!
Two party messages and information, a lot gets lost. I also agree with counseling. It would not only allow her to get her feelings out in a neutral environment it will also help you with tools and understanding To help her cope and express her emotions.

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Is it the morning routine of getting ready for school at dad’s?

Is it not adjusting to mom and dad not being together?

Is it dad’s gf?

A combination of all of the above?

How is her sleep schedule over there? My daughter acts out more and is more aggressive when she doesn’t get enough sleep. Also, is he actually spending time with her or letting screen time babysit her? My daughter has adhd and her psychiatrist told me kids can act out more if you let them have to much screen time because of over stimulation. My daughter is addicted to it like it’s crack and I didn’t even realize it. I was guilty at letting her tablet babysit her so I could get stuff done. But not anymore lol Lesson learned! No judgment at all because these little turds don’t come with a manual haha Just trying to be the help I had :kissing_heart:

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Are your bedtime routines consistent from house to house? If they aren’t, I would start there. A lot of young children display behavior problems when they are over tired and not in a solid routine.

Sounds like separation anxiety i seek with the doctor to get a psychologist

Maybe they fight and are controlling and she feels trapped???

The fact that you have to go through his girl friend to speak about your child speaks volumes. There may be an issue there that you are not seeing. Take hwe to a professional therapist of she wont talk to you about it. It may be just a transitional thing… but it has been quite some time. Find the root of the problem early on.

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Paddle her little butt

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First if you have to go through his gf then apparently his gf doesn’t trust him to talk to other girls so he just has it set that way so he doesn’t get accused or caught talking to another one in process but she is acting out towards you bc u love her and your there for her and while she is there he or someone is probably mean to her or won’t even pay attention to her so her only way to show is it to act out on someone she loves

Transitional period. When my son comes home I remind him he is home and that my expectations and rules at home are different than dads. The first day is tough but then he bounces back. Its hard for a 5 year old having so many different rules and expectations. Each teacher at the school has different expectations for a child, then dad then you then your bf. Nothing is really consistent so its hard for them to know how to act. Talk to the school about each morning reminding your child they are at School and these are the expectations and you do it when your child comes home. It jas worked for my son