What should I do about my controlling ex?

What should I do about my controlling Ex? My ex and I have a beautiful four-year-old daughter together. But our relationship ended due to him lying to me. Since the breakup five months ago, he has called me a garbage mother, threatened to take our daughter from me, forbade me from having any of my male friends around her, and threatened to beat up my coworker. A said coworker took me out on a date about a month ago to try and help me have a little fun and get away from the drama of my ex because it was affecting my attitude at work. I’ve also spent time at another coworker’s house with him and his wife because they have a four-year-old girl as well, and we set up a play date. My ex and I haven’t gone to court about custody or anything. But since his recent threat of taking Taliah from me, I’ve started filling out my state custody paperwork. Am I doing the right thing in trying to establish a boundary and force him to focus on our daughter instead of what I’m doing with my life? Or is this just going to make things worse for our daughter and me. She’s been acting up lately due to witnessing arguments between us.

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It’s the right thing to do because if you don’t he’s going to continue to try to control you with your child. Sounds pretty narcassistic. At least if you have a custody order he can’t get mad at you and just take off with your child. The one thing he knows will hurt you. And if he continues the behaviors you will be able to get a PFA or restraining order if necessary

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I understand where your coming from . I think your making good choices I hated arguing around the kids it’s terrible reminds me over when I was a kid . keep going momma be strong don’t let him push you around if he keeps threatening you or others get a restraining order / order of protection

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Hell yes you finish the paper work
You all need boundaries and all know what is going to happen when
Write a diary of all communications good and bad
Be there only for you and your girl but also make sure she gets equal daddy time

keep any text or call logs / messages it’s proof if you need it

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Do your paperwork and get a restraining order and ask for supervised visitation with your kid

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I would seek legal advice. His threats are certainly concerning. I am Australian so I cannot make specific comments about US legal system. But here in Australia he would have to have strong evidence you are an unfit mother before any court would take your daughter from you.

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You’re doing the right thing. He’s going to try to make your life hell either way, so do what you need to!

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You’re doing the right thing. Good luck and be strong. You can do this. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Document EVERYTHING! Every text. I hope you already have a attorney. Get everything about child support, visitation, health insurance, and Out-Of-Pocket expenses put in your decree. He’s a Narcissist Jerk. Don’t leave anything to being settled as adults; as he will never be agreeable to anything HE doesn’t control. I used to work for Attorneys. The people who have the most problems are those that didn’t have everything spelled out.

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He’s controlling, they’ve been broken up 5 months. I’m sure he didn’t let her have male friends during the relationship; daughter is 4. She doesn’t know these new men well enough for them to be around her daughter.

Restraining order…hes threatened violence

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Yes, dont back down and dont let him threaten you. He can not forbid you to have male friends. It is ok for you to move on.

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It’s the right thing to do, also document everything with dates, times etc and be very specific. Keep all evidence whether it be call logs or text messages.
If he persists with his actions than get a no contact order, especially since he’s threatening with physical violence.
He sounds extremely toxic.

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U have to set boundries or he will keep trying to run every aspect of ur life. Fill out the paperwork, get the custody and child support settled, and move on with ur life. And most importantly find a way to b happy. That is one of the best things ur daughter can see is u being happy. Good luck

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Put the paperwork in asap. Go to court.

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Narcissists who loose control over their family can become VERY VIOLENT. the threats are a start… you need to document all comments . Dont speak to him use text or email only . Never be alone with him . Get your papers into court as fast as possible . Allow him his weekend visits ,but arrange for him to pick her up away from your home. Have as little contact with him as possible . Your life could be in danger. Seek out a womans shelter for advise.
Get legal advise I’m sure there is free advise available . And surround yourself with family and friends.
Do not talk to him… email or text only .
Get you wee girl assessed for her safety…
Stay safe…

Frankly I wouldn’t have any conversations with him that arent strictly about your daughter…anything else isnt his business. Get the paperwork in and I suspect you will need to have a mediator.

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Get custody. Show the judge his threats. He’s a p.o.s and a shit bag… He’s not a good example for any child.

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Mom. Listen . Your relationships has taken. Serious turn for the worse . The attitude of your ex is serious and that makes your efforts difficult to be appreciated. You must protect yourself and your child. You need a third person to mediate your relationship and activies with your ex. Do not be afraid to get counseling from a lawyer , a spiritual counselor whose trustworthy. What is your relationship with your parents like? You need their support as well. Do not isolate yourself . I know you may want four business known by everybody. I get it . But you cannot go through this by yourself. Step by step with purpose. Do not take anything for granted. You cannot change your ex. You must protect gig and your daughter only . Do not winery about his feelings. You know what they are .

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