When I was 19, I gave birth to an amazing son, who is now 8 yrs old. I was sleeping with his “dad” casualy when I met my now-husband. ( we dated for two years, broke up and started sleeping together without strings) I stopped sleeping with him when I started sleeping with my husband. About a month later, I found out I was pregnant. I was very honest with both of them that the changes could be 50/50, and his “dad” told me good luck, and my husband said great, let’s get married. We did and have now been married for almost nine years and have five boys all together. His “dad” and I are still friends if we see each other, and he asks about him (he does claim him as his own) but nothing other than that. I am assuming that he is the father by his looks and the way he acts. The timing was so close that the dr couldn’t tell me by conception date. My husband is an amazing father to him and has never treated him differently than the boys we know are his. My question is this…Do I get a DNA test done? Do i tell my son, if my husband isn’t his bio dad? Nothing will come from this as my husband claims him and takes care of him, and his “dad” claims him but wants nothing to do with him. His “dad” is adopted by his mom’s husband, and his mom is also adopted, so he can’t even get a medical history or something of that nature. On the one hand, I feel like my son deserves to know who is bio dad is, but on the other hand, will it only hurt him knowing that he has known about him his whole life and wanted nothing to do with him? I only want what’s best for my boy but also don’t want to lie to him. What would you mommas do?
I say be truthful with him. As if he was to find out down the road he maybe mad at you for it. And if you are worried about medical issues down the road maybe see about getting one of those medical genetic testing done.
I would leave it alone! Also why are you talking to this guy still? I think when he gets older he has the right to know who is real father is.
Do a DNA test and tell him the truth. Honesty is love.
Maybe test your husband, then u can decide if u even have to say anything to the other one, he may not be the dad after all, but ultimately u will have to decide
Leave it. If it comes up when he’s older be honest. It was a possibility but you were in love with his dad by that point and his dad was in love with him
I am not a parent but I was adopted I know who my biological mother is but not sure who my birth father is but even if he does not what to know me I would still what to be told who it is and also see a pic
If it won’t change anything I would wait, your husband loves and care for him as his own, and the assumed “dad” won’t want any more than to ask here and there like he does now then when he is old enough to really understand maybe have a talk with him he’s 8 and might be too sensitive to it thinking “my dad isn’t my dad” could just cause hurt, but your his mama and you know in your heart when the time is to tell him
I would have gotten the test the minute baby was born. I’d do the test.
Test your husband just for medical purposes. You say the other guy was adopted etc but what the other guy could have/develop will still be useful if he is the father.
Test you’re gunna wanna know regardless like in a medical emergency
Find out the truth and tell him when you feel the time is right. If your husband is the father you won’t have to worry about saying anything
Leave it be. If the other was willing to walk away that’s that. Sperm doesn’t make you a dad
Why create the drama if your husband is a good father why even bother with the guy who didn’t wanna be here for you? Leave it alone you opening up anything will cause issues honestly it’s better for everyone if you let the past be in the past
You can’t live a lie with your child and expect them to be honest with you… He will find out someday, somehow. Better he find out from his mom and know he can count on you to always be honest with him.
Why take a DNA test if there’s a 50% chance your husband isn’t the father? He claims him as his own, loves him as his own, why would you want to potentially crush him if he finds out he’s not his son?
Biology doesn’t make you a parent.
Be open and honest with him. He is old enough to understand. If he is curious about finding out if his dad, your husband, is truly his bio father then he will let you know. Let him decide.
He has a father, clearly, you are aware that biology means nothing.
Your son deserves to know and the rest of the adults involved deserve to know as well. His brothers should know eventually but first things first I’d get a dna test without telling your son what it is exactly until you get a result. No reason to say hey your dad might not be your dad if it turns out your husband IS his bio father. If he happens to not be biologically your husbands, nothing will change. Its been so long now that IF he happens to be your ex’s child, IF your ex wants a relationship, you should allow it to happen.
He deserves to know his bio dad, eventually at least.