What should I do about this drama with my in laws?

I’ve been with my husband going on eight years. Some of his family has hated me since our son was born because I told everyone I didn’t want pictures of our son posted. One sister did, constantly, and we reported to have them removed; she has only seen our son five times, never shows to birthday parties, threw a fit because my husband was first to be married & she was jealous. Just a lot of bs drama and always blamed me for it all. My husband’s family treats him like shit; well, a handful does. Thursday, my son & I flew into town to surprise my dad for his bday; I ended up making plans with my younger BIL to see him & his GF on Sunday, then invited parents in law, and other BIL. Parents came late, so I had to stay longer. When my MIL came in the door, I smiled & said hi she looked at me & kept walking. I didn’t acknowledge the two grandkids (my son & younger bil daughter) went straight to pet the younger bil dog. Fil did similarly but with a cat, didn’t say anything to me or acknowledge me. Some ended up going down to the basement, while some stayed upstairs. Well, come to find out, my fil was talking badly about me and said how he wished his whole family was invited (two sil I do not get along with which everyone knows, who are now causing problems with others). Reason why? My husband wasn’t alone, and they tend to cause issues with me. Another reason, they have excluded others from their gatherings & this was planned with others so to avoid drama with anyone. That’s what had happened. We live across the country, and they do not have video chat, no calls, only text my husband to be nosey about his training and his life. My mil will only text me to ask about my husband. And when she finally did talk to me on Sunday, it was only about him. She’d cut me off when I tried to talk about children/pregnancy to my bil gf; she made it seem like she was there for me while I was pregnant and gave me all this advice and lied so much and just tries to make others think she is this amazing person. Weeks ago, she told me that we should talk more often, I tried and got short replies or her saying she was busy, then she unfollowed me on social media… anyways, after hearing about what was said of me, I contacted her to ask her why it happened and what have I done to deserve this and how it was not fair or okay for us to be treated this way and still after so many years and she shoved my feelings aside & played stupid, then played a pity card. It ended with me making a public post and telling her that will most likely be the last she & anyone else who has been continually causing drama sees my son & I. Am I wrong? What the hell do I even tell my husband when he comes home? How do people deal with such toxic in-laws? How do you make your husband realize it, even if it’s his family, how they treat us like complete crap or single me out constantly when their own children do the same, if not worse? I do not want him to just disown his family, but something needs to be said & done, and if I try to ask about why I’m being treated poorly, or my son is, they twist things & blame me or make my feelings invalid. Or if I defend myself from the drama, I’m the bad one. Idk what to say or do anymore; I’ve had no issues with anyone for a while; I’m hurt & so tired of feeling like this bad person when I do nothing wrong.

24 Likes

My in laws was the same way. My husband told his mother that if she couldn’t be nice to me and respect me then she wasn’t welcomed in our home. When He passed away 8 years ago his family’s attitude changed towards me, and I have always wondered why.

2 Likes

Your husband should be taking your side no matter what. Your family should come before his. I never had this issue myself but I wouldnt be with my husband if he didnt stick up for me to his family.

8 Likes

Don’t go to family functions. If your husband wants to go by all means he should and bring your child. No reason for you to go when you are disrespected. When they ask where you are he should be honest with them

5 Likes

Oh sounds like mine :confused:. I don’t even entertain the bs. I don’t even go around or speak until I absolutely have too. I won’t let my energy be messed with one bit.

4 Likes

Never, ever go again. Period, if you do ; it’s cause you like the drama. Go have fun instead.

3 Likes

Nope, cut them off, husband will either understand, learn to or won’t. Long story short I’ve been going through the exact same thing with my Mil for 13 years & it hasn’t changed & it won’t. We tried to reconcile 3 years ago when my husband had a medical emergency (he’s ok now) & so she could be in our son’s life. It was ok for awhile but that because we weren’t really talking, when we were I was in a horrible place with my anxiety & depression with the things she would say & do to me. I finally realized just last week when she took her ex dil out to dinner for her birthday & not my son too (they share the same bday for gods sake! & trust me money is not an issue for her) that I had to protect my son from that situation too. I will never allow someone, especially someone whose supposed to be family to treat my son that way & make him feel the way that whole side of the family makes me feel. It was really easy after that, I blocked her & that whole side of the family from my phone & social media. Told my husband, he understood as it’s not the first time, (it is the last though) & they can contact him whenever they want or need something. It’s not like they talk to him much anyways. that’s it & I feel a million times better. Screw them, protect yourself & your son first & everything else will fall into place! Good luck hun! :blush:

10 Likes

I wouldn’t go around them your husband can go by himself

3 Likes

Tell your husband the truth, distance yourself from his family, protect your son from this toxic attitude. Husband will have to make his own decisions about how to handle it. Some husbands won’t put their foot down to their parents. Frustrating but true.

5 Likes

Toxic toxic toxic! Toxic people live for drama you cannot feed their drama. This is your life detach yourself from the situation at all cost opt out of everything. The only person you owe anything to is yourself. If you feel this way after you leave every family function you need to ask yourself if it’s worth even going in the first place

3 Likes

Family is a circle of friends who love you. People who don’t love you aren’t family, friends who do are. Spend time & focus on the loving ones, the haters become strangers.

7 Likes

Do not weaponiz children!

You don’t get along with a 1/4 of your husband’s family yet you are the common denominator :woman_shrugging:t2:

You can’t change someone else so i suggest avoiding them and explain to your husband what you’re doing

4 Likes

Just don’t get pulled into their toxicity… Remember, not my monkeys, not my circus… Just disengage entirely from them for the sake of your sanity… Dont moan to your husband either about his family as thats still his family, just choose to not even talk about them… Your husband will realise soon enough on his own at just how toxic they are and make his own mind up…

3 Likes

Go silent. Cut them out and make your husband handle everything regarding them.

23 Likes

Toxic is toxic. Family or not. You don’t need that

11 Likes

Block them on all social media and your phone so they only deal w/ your husband. If husband asks why, explain it in full detail each and every time he does. Don’t argue. If he becomes defensive or offensive over it, hand him a notebook and a writing implement, separate into personal spaces, (another room, etc.), and have him write his feelings about it down. Respond in writing to his written points. A lot of times this communication technique can help avoid harsh, unnecessary words being said between you and can often bring up deeper issues that may be underlying causes of how he as well as you are dealing with the situation and allow for free flow of thoughts as to how you can work together on these issues moving forward. I’ve been w/ my husband 30+ years and this method of communication has helped us greatly over the years when necessary. Try it. You may be surprised at the thoughts and understanding of each other that can come from it. Stay blessed!

18 Likes

I wouldn’t stay w him if he can’t stand up to them. My oldest man gave up his family on his dads side bc theybkept asking crap. You don’t need toxic in your life or your children’s

7 Likes

Removing yourself and your son from their lives is difficult but with toxic people it is most important to think of you and your son if your husband want to continue being treated that way it’s up to him and a personal choice and hes probably in denial about it or has live with the treatment his whole life and just feels its normal (its not) but you can’t control his choice to be there or should you feel bad because you made the right choice. I would cut mil off completely esp if shes just being nosey about her son’s business its gonna be hard to detach from the situation but it has taken enough of your time and energy and effort and they dont deserve anymore time from you. Keep in contact with those who want to be a part of your little family who treat yall with respect. Its gonna be hard and it will get worse, find a friend to vent to instead of your husband because if he isnt wanting to see the mistreatment then venting when it hurts or has you upset isnt going to help he needs to see it on his own but can’t if you’re in his ear… trust your choices you are doing what you feel is best for you and your son and that’s all that matters

4 Likes