What should we do about our step son?

My 12 year old stepson runs the house and it’s causing huge problems, obviously. First of all, right now, my husband and I, along with my son and his son, are living with my mother-in-law. All my stepson is asked to do at 12 years old is take the trash out. That’s it! I personally think at 12 he should be doing more, but I’m just the stepmom. He has to be told over and over to do the trash. So when he is asked occasionally to do the dishes, he just doesn’t. And since there are no consequences, I mean, why not! He runs to his grandmother and complains about anything that is said to him that he doesn’t like. What happened today, though, just did it for me, which prompted me to come here. We are doing the Coronavirus self-quarantine since we are all out of work, only going out for food if we have to. My husband goes into the living room, and my stepson has a bag he asked what he was doing and said he was going to him other grandmas for a few days. My husband said he didn’t think it was a good idea, and while he was in the other room talking to his mother about it, my stepson’s grandma showed up, and he left!! My mother-in-law said she thought it was a bad idea too, but he told her he needed to get out of the house because he heard his dad say to me he was tired of him leaving food on the dishes when he puts them in the sink. First of all, if you say anything to him about anything, no matter how nice you say it, he goes straight to his grandma and runs his mouth. Second, he has never been spanked, grounded, had anything taken away or any kind of other punishment. He basically does what he wants when he wants. If he wants to go somewhere, he TELLS his grandma he is leaving, and most of the time, we hear about it after the fact. He is very manipulating and lies a lot about even stupid stuff. He also messages my older son, who has moved out already and tells him we are mean to him and don’t like him and makes up stuff. Like I said, very manipulative behavior! It comes between my husband and me because sometimes I say too much because my kids would not get away with some of this stuff, and I’m just blown away by this! It’s putting a strain on my marriage and relationship with my stepson as well as my children’s relationship with my husband and stepson. My son that still lives here just about can’t stand him anymore because of the way he acts like we are so mean to him. Sometimes I feel like taking my son and just leaving! But that’s not what I want to do. But I don’t know if I can take this anymore. Side note I am the only one working right now, so that’s why we have not moved out yet. I know we need to, and that may help. Thanks f,or any advice.

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I think its just that teenage boy stage

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Your husband sounds like he needs to be a parent.

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Ask the father to the grandma and set BOUNDERIES

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If the law can’t or won’t be laid down, then it’s either this is you and your son’s life and suck it up or leave. It really comes down to that accept it or leave it.

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karma’s a biatch missy, thats exactly the same way your son’s stepmom’s gonna b talking about him no matter how perfect u think he’ll be. word for word, so b careful what u say :wink:

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Hey over it you sound like a classic step mom! Too focused on your step Sons every move! Lighten up! He is just 12 no different then most at this age! I was raised by a step mom! She could never like me no matter how much I tried! I was 12 when I come to live w my dad and her!

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Sounds like your raising alot more than one spolied brat in the house.

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Is your son near his age and required to also do any chores. I would start taking stuff little by little if he doesn’t listen. Dad needs to put grandma in her place and tell her no

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There needs to be rules and consequences. Even my 3yo gets set stuff to do like pick up toys, clean any mess he makes, clean off his plate/bowl and put it in the sink. My ex was like this too…never set rules, boundaries or consequences. Drove me nuts, he acted like a spoiled little brat, got everything he wanted. I even know 11 year olds that do washing, cook dinner and all sorts. Dad needs to step up and be a parent and other grandma needs to stop encouraging rotten behaviour.

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If your married that makes him your son too and your able to punish him you need to sit down with your husband and come up with a game plan on if he does this… This will happen otherwise this is just going to get worse

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This will cause huge resentment towards you from YOUR child . I’m kind of in the same position. My spouses kids get away with EVERYTHING while my boys are the grunts. My older son hates being at home because of my spouse and the way he treats him compared to his children . Honestly I dont blame my son for wanting to be at grandpa’s house . My spouse expects me to be everything to his kids that their mother isnt while same treatment isnt being reciprocated towards my children . It’s to the point where YES … I’m going cold towards him and his the same way he is with mine . I’m the only one who works fulltime while he sits at home … I’m 7 months pregnant and seriously making plans on leaving . Not sure what he is gonna do when I’m gone lol because EVERYTHING in this townhouse belongs to me , had before I even met him and sure as hell not leaving it behind .
You need to figure it out before that boy of yours begins to hate you , like mine is . Push comes to shove MY kids will come first t,o me . He do,nt have their feelings at heart and I’m not sticking around for it to get worse .

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Outside of normal 12 y/o antics, sounds like he’s behaving the way ALL the adults around him enable him to behave…you are ALL responsible, his father especially

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Who has custody if grand master does you need to mind your business if dad does it’s up to him you being the only one working is irrelevant nothing wrong with a stay at home dad

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This boy needs his ass handed to hi… hed be staying with the other gmma till this. Rap is said and done with. Start taking toys away take EVERYTHING away when he do t do something hes supoosed o do
2 verbal warnings 3rd u get ur ass spsnked. Ur more then a step mom since hes living with u. Ur a mom figure to him. U shoukd b sble to discipline as u see fit. Stop letting him get awsy with stuff or itll just get worse

Honestly until you get out of your MILs home I don’t think you have much of a say.

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As one of his parents you need to stop allowing him to act like a brat. Talk to the father & any other adult in the house and get on the same page. There’s no reason a 12 year old only has 1 chore and bitches about it. If i were you I’d start punishing whether or not he liked it. And as for the leaving without asking, that would stop immediately. There’s not a chance I’d let that fly whether it was my bio child or my step child. I’d be picking his ass back up and grounding him for even thinking about leaving especially since he knows (even if very little) and can understand what is going on with the virus. If you don’t feel comfortable with ‘laying the law’ then you need to jump on the father’s ass for not doing it from the very beginning.

Have him move in with other grandmother.Then she can see what a brat he is.That or punish him.No phone,no tv,no video games.You know parent him.Put your foot down and tell everyone that it stops now.Other than that leave,or put up with it.

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Girl I would have been gone. It’s too much

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Kid needs set straight. If the parents can’t teach him to be respectful to them he’s never going to be respectful as an adult. He wont hold a job or even worse he will end up getting arrested for doing whatever he wants and thinking its ok. I’d be telling the dad to step up and raise his son. Not let his son run the house when its his job to do.

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