My boyfriend and I have a 4 month old and I’m a SAHM. I had a career before the baby and made it clear I didnt want to be a SAHM.(mostly because I had just started my career after getting my degree). Anyways lately I feel like theres no emotional connection with the father and I. We’ve been together for 6 years so I dont have a problem communicating my thoughts and needs to him. I feel like I’ve told him repeatedly how I feel. I’ve explained to him that a kiss goodbye in the morning would make me happy, it’s not like I’m asking for much. Recently I’ve been denying him sex (not as a punishment but more because it messes with my head that he cant be a companion but hell have sex). I’ve even explained why I dont want to have sex and he just stares at me. Is it time to walk away?
Yes hes neglecting you…
Me, oh yes, I’m out
He isn’t given you a kiss good-bye in the morning & you are holding back the ‘sex’ because of what he is doing. And yes it is time to walk away
This is how I feel so I’m following! Circumstances are different but sorta the same.
If you can no longer communicate and resolve issues, yes it’s time to leave before a deep seated resentment sets in. That makes it hard to co-parent.
Read the 5 Love Languages - you both are not on the same page.
Have you asked your doctor about post partum depression?
Try couples therapy. Don’t just walk away and tear your family apart and throw your 6 year relationship down the drain
When you ask this question…it’s TIME TO GO.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY.
TO BE WANTED.
My advice to every person in your spot…
YOU WILL NEVER EVER MEET THE RIGHT PERSON WHILE YOU ARE WITH THE WRONG PERSON.
Two people can NOT occupy the same spot.
There MUST be an opening for the right one to come in.
Having a baby is a big change. Kiss him in the morning. Make a habit of it. If it’s a recent change give your relationship time to adjust.
Jesus, grow up. You don’t purposely withold sex because your partner isn’t doing what you want. You just had a baby, your emotions, feelings and hormones are going to be all over the place. If there wasn’t an issue in the 6 years before baby, I guarantee your state is making one where there isn’t now. Right after having a baby is the wrong time to make a life altering decision. Are you prepared to share custody of that child because he isn’t kissing you goodbye in the morning? I suggest talking to your doctor and seeking a therapist before runing your relationship.
Marriage takes work, you won’t always have connection, you won’t always have the greatest communication, but what you do have is the will to make it work if you want to.
maybe talk to him and let him know that you’re talking about your needs and it’s not getting through to him and you would like to talk to a therapist.
They can help him learn better listening skills, better communication and get back to the feelings you used to have.
Especially after a baby, its stressful, things a re changing.
Doing something that maybe you’re not so happy with, making sacrifices and resenting him and his lack of affection.
Men and women usuly have very different love languages.
Learning you partners love language Allows you to do a little more for them in their love language and understand their love language a little more.
Time to either express to him the neglect is taking a toll on you and that mentally this situation will NOT last, or just walk away, if you feel you’ve done enough explaining. It’s hard but neglect combined with being at home with baby all day is a double doozy. Consider the last 6 years btw. Is this a pattern?
Blank stare imo is lack of comprehension. That’s not something you can do anything about. I have spent years fighting to be understood. I no longer fight that battle, bc it goes south.
Marriage counseling first. You may be misinterpreting each other or he’s unwilling to share because he doesn’t want to worry you or he’s embarrassed.
After you work on things for 6 months & it doesn’t get better, then go, but try something new first.
If he refuses to go to counseling, go by yourself. If splitting is your best option, work with a women’s center to do so safely and protect your assets.
Well you already resent him because you’ve become a stay at home mum, that didn’t need to be mentioned but you did anyway. I think you’ve forgotten that you both decided to have a baby so if you don’t want to be a SAHM, then don’t be. Put baby in daycare for like 1 day a week and go back to work if you want to, yeah you might not earn much after childcare, but you’ll be working.
Having a baby changes everything, and yeah walking away would be “easier”, but maybe speak to your doctor too to make sure it’s not something more complex, like PPD that’s making you resentful before making a permanent decision based off a kiss in the morning, which frankly, you can also do. People aren’t dumb, he probably feels your resentment and isn’t dared to even try and be affectionate since you’re now also withholding sex. See the cycle? So break up or break the cycle.
You gotta learn to love each other everyone has a love language, read the five love languages and since you been together for 6yrs you should know which one he has and have him read it too.
You’ve answered your own question. Move on.
Everyone has their own love language and it sounds as though you are no longer on the same page.
That doesn’t mean things are over; that means you both need to put in the work to keep the relationship.
You’re saying things he does (like not kissing good bye) are what’s bothering you but from the beginning of the post it sounds like you resent him because you’re a stay at home mom. I think you need to deal with that. I think you need to stop for a few minutes…you have every right to want and ask for your needs to be met.
But so does he.
Do you meet his needs? Do you try to? Im not talking about cooking or cleaning those aren’t emotional needs and clearly that’s what you’re both missing
I would sit down and try to talk (not demand) try empathizing with him. Set up a “date night” at home for after the baby goes to bed (movie snacks dinner whatever) and just be together for a little while.
Honestly if this is a new thing you might have PPD.