When is it okay to play the mom role to the step child?

Hi, I don’t know if this is a question that’s been asked a lot, but I have no one else to turn to. First of all, I’m the step, mum, and the child is living with her dad and me. When do you draw the line as a step mum? What I mean is- is there anything I should or shouldn’t do or speak to my stepchild about? She has on-off issues with her mum and sees her a few times a month, but sometimes I don’t know when I should step in and say something about chores, emotions, or even their relationship as it seems quite fractured at the moment.

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Your her parent. Your her mother figure while she’s at her fathers so anytime is fine to talk to her bout chores and emotions. I don’t think bringing up her mom would be good unless she brings it up

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You treat her as your own, you don’t argue about bio mum and you discuss discipline with her father first. Her relationship with her mother is her own and not yours to sort out or put your opinion on. If she is upset about her mum, tell her adults have bad days to but her mum still loves her.

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Just love her like your own, despite her relationship with her mom dont ever speak ill of her. Your husband will know best also. I have 3 bonus kids that I have an amazing relationship with. I tell all of our kids I’m the mom in this house and he is the dad in our house. No one is being replaced

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You’re a mom to that child, whether or not the bio mom is in the pic. You said she only sees her a few times a month so you’re the mom the rest of the time, in my opinion. I’d talk with your husband & set any boundaries with him.

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I think use your gut and think about if it were your biological child. But a child should follow your rules and boundaries. I would stay clear of the mom topic and if she says something say basic things so she understands she’s heard but that you’re not giving an opinion, hard line to walk.

I would talk to her father and see what he feels and thinks. You’re not her mom but you are a BIG part of her life and she lives with you. :slightly_smiling_face:

That’s somethinng to speak with her father about. However y’all are living together so raise her as your own!

My step daughter has lived FULL time with my husband and I for two years (very little contact with Bio-Mom) I do everything with her as I do with my own daughter, I never speak Badly of her Mom, But I do listen and talk when she wants to. My step daughter JUST decided last week she wants to go to her Moms 3 days/week from now on because she “doesn’t like our rules” she’s 14 and I’ve been in her life for 6 years. It’s a hard role to play when bio-mom is so toxic, But I just do what I would want someone to do for my daughter.

There is no boundaries. Your her mom point blank period. The only steps in a home should be the ones on the porches.

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Be there for her as a mom not a step-mom.
My husband isnt my older 2 kids dad but you know what he IS their dad in every other way. There for them when sick, feelings are hurt, is there for sporting events school events, he is there when they are amazing kids and he talks them up and is there when they aren’t so good and let’s them know theres always tomorrow to be better.
Have real conversations with her and just BE THERE.

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I think its do funny how we “ask to play that role” but a man steps up and does the dad role hes doing a good thing. A woman does it, she stepping over boundaries

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I would def speak to dad make sure you 2 are on the same page when it comes to your step daughter. It will get better for you and your family :stuck_out_tongue:

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Love her like your own and bond with her before trying to step in as disciplinary while dad does that part and then once you’ve formed a bond with her and she trusts you etc. then talk with dad about your role. Respect all boundaries and she will love you for it and your relationship with be one of love and respect not fear❤️

I would always express issues to the dad before so that if anything gets fired up between the mom he has your back

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You are the mom, Not by birth but because you are there. Have this discussion with your spouse about how they feel about what and how things should be. As you both want to be on the same page… But i see it as if the child is living with you 99% of the time the child should follow the rules of the house. Treat this child as your own dont put the STEP in front of child. I have 4 children 2 are my bonus children i love them all the same. If your child comes to you answer the questions the best you can. If you dont know the answers let them know you dont know but will find out and let them know.

I’ve been a stepmom for 17 years. As far as stuff in your home take charge mama. I’d stay out of the relationship the child has with their mother unless they bring it up.

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I’ve raised everyone else’s children, disciplined, loved and paid for their education. I was not married to the fathers. Your job as an adult is to leave them better than you found them. As an adult we should be good role models regardless of whether they are ours or not. Have the discussion with the parents.

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I have 4 bonus kids and to them i am “mom” bcuz their bio isnt allowed near them. Just love the child like u would your own child. Dont make them feel like they arent “your child”.

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My step daughter lived with her dad and me from the ages of 8-14. The mother got her every other weekend. She didn’t have a good relationship with her mother at the time. She would vent and I would let her. I never let her disrespect her mother. I did most of the disciplining, being I wasn’t working at the time and Dad works a lot. You are a mother figure to her, since she lives with you and sees you more than her mother. Treat her as your own. I have a 5 year old with my SD’s dad and I never treated them differently. Talk with the child’s Dad about the role you are expected to have in her life. Then, you sit down as a family and explain rules and expectations.

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