Tell her she’s special and that she has 2 daddy’s. One that gave you a special baby making seed but wasn’t ready to be a daddy. And one who loves you so much and wanted to be your daddy.
I was also in the same boat as you. What I did was I had my son call my now husband by his first name and not by daddy. This way it was easier when it came time to have that talk
Always make it known that a different man made her but daddy chose her!!!
She won’t feel like it’s been hidden from her all her life if there’s no big secret
Why would you wanna mess that up…hes not her biological daughter but thats it he’s her father in every way…leave it til she’s older and understands
Right away I knew someone whom was not told until the Dad who raised her passed away and it hurt them not knowing sooner.
Best of luck.
From personal experience I would tell her while she’s young. My mother let me believe her husband and the man I thought was my dad was my dad til I was 17 and when I found out the truth our relationship was never the same. I don’t have a relationship with my bio dad or my my mom at this point its been 20 years.
If the bio father is actually going to be in her life then I would wait til she’s older and has a better understanding. I think at 4 it would be a tad bit confusing. I mean its ultimately your choice.
Sooner is better than later! 4 isn’t too young in my opinion.
Why do you have to make things so difficult she is four they understand more then what you think you tell her the truth that daddy is the man that stepped up when her real dad stepped down
If she isn’t asking questions I wouldn’t worry about it yet wait till she comes to you if your fiancé is the only “father” she knows I wouldn’t mess that up she is still young
Wait until she’s at LEAST like 12 or maybe even 14. Old enough to understand. My parents waited until I was 21 and I found out by accident and I was mad by the way I found out. I only wished they had told me earlier. My dad raised me as his own, he never treated me any differently than my brother who was actually his. So I didn’t hate them but only wished they had told me instead of finding out the way I did.
She’ll figure it out you can tell her when she’s older up to you
Look up this song on YouTube
The Daddy Song
By Ryan St Louis
Let me just say from experience my mother told me when I was 18 and I hated the fact that she didn’t tell me sooner. The sooner the better.
There are story books about these subjects… maybe see what is out there…start with bed time stories about different kinds of families…
From personal experience better sooner than later, kids are so resilient and can handle so much more than adults IMO… don’t leave it until she’s older, it’ll not go well for any one involved. Good luck
I have a similar situation we told him last yr after his 8th birthday. Tbh he was super unbothered by it and it didn’t change a thing in our lives Also I explained some kids have 2 daddies. 1 who puts them in the mommy and 1 who takes care of them.
I’d say 5/6 when her understanding is better. Definitely whilst she’s younger. I love the comment about about the “daddy seed” but her daddy chose her because he loved her so much
My oldest 2 aren’t my husbands biological children , I waited for them to start asking questions to have any serious conversation with them once they started questioning why they had a different last name than my husband and asking who their real father was when they were around 5 and 6 I contacted him and they got to know him he’s a different person than he was when they were babies and they spend weekends with him and his fiancée . They are 11 and 12 and have a good relationship for the most part . I never went into the full details of why he wasn’t in their lives I just let them know that he wasn’t ready to be a father but they still had an amazing father figure while their bio dad was figuring himself out. They didn’t need all the details that’s a burden for their father and myself to carry.
Tell her while young. My two sisters found out our Dad wasn’t their biological Dad as preteens and it sent them into a tailspin making v them question their identity and what else they’d been “lied” to about. My Dad has always said if he had to do it over again he’d have told them young where they could grow up knowing and being comfortable instead of blindsided.