My daughter is 6. She has never met her biological father and she thinks my ex husband is her biological dad. Her father was in prison for almost 5 years and died almost a year after he got out. In that time, he never tried contacting me to see her. She hasn’t seen him since her 1st birthday. How do I tell her? When is an appropriate time/age to tell her about her biological father? She knows her last name is different than her “dads” but that’s it. Any suggestions??
Dont be too brutally honest just tell her ; her bio dad’s an angel watching over her & he brought step dad in her life to take care of her & love her in his absence…
Tell her now while she’s young. Plant the seed of his death now so that she has an idea about another dad. When she gets older she will revisit this then u can offer more details. It will be less shocking and less traumatic.
if she hasnt asked or made concerns… I would just leave it… shes obviously content with life… shes young … she probably doesnt understand. So I would wait until shes older, and if she starts to ask questions… if she hasnt… than enjoy life, and explain when that day comes.
When she is older I would say late teens. Kids can’t process these things now at her age. He was never a part of her life,and I’m very sure she probably doesn’t even remember him meeting him that one time. Think about it do you remember anything at the age of one? Not real sure how close you are to his side of the faimly. As she has other relatives that I’m sure will want to be a part of her life. If that is the case then I would say about 12 or so. Let her be in their lives if thats possible.
My dad was in a coma till i was about the same age with a head injury just tell her the truth a dad is someone who loves you tell her he’s her dad by name and your ex is her dad by love. She’s young the younger you tell her the easier it is they don’t care much for stuff like that
I think you should tell her, when she gets curious! She won’t understand now and she will definitely want to know the truth later… don’t sweat it, kids always have that “I know” instinct! Besides is not like the man will come from the grave demanding for you to let him see her… you are in no rush, don’t over build it… because you can cause more harm that good! Wait until she asks you, or become curious of her history. At that stage you will know how to break it down in simpler terms for her to understand.
You should have already told her. Age appropriate explanations for her. You will be surprised how well she will accept it. Dont make a big stressful fuss about it and make sure when you talk to her about the daddy that helped to make her, speak only positively about him and tell her that you and he made her out of love.
I found out about my bio when I was 10-11 years old. I had questions, but I was fine with it.
Yup! My daughter grew up knowing this as I’m in a similar situation. No matter what tho- never make her feel bad about him! My famous line to my daughter: your daddy loves you very much, he just made some bad choices. As my daughter has got older, every single time he messes up- she tells me the same line 💁
I also try to tell her about the good times we had together.
She needs to know about him and that you’ll provide the truth when she has questions!
Best to do it now when she’s young
Now ? What are u waiting for…
I knew young - best to tell her now. Just some gentle information about him. As she gets older she will ask for more…
I would wait till shes about 7 or 8… But dont go into great details till shes about 11…
They’re pretty plastic when young. Tell her now.
Don’t tell her. Why would you disrupt her life. I know you have good intentions but if it’s not necessary and you said yourself that he hasn’t tried contacting you about her, don’t force your daughter to love a stranger.
My daughter was 4 when she started asking kids aren’t dumb… earlier the better or she will feel lied too.
Whenever you decide to tell her, know all that you need to know about his death because she’ll ask how he does as well.
7 years old is the age of reason in children. Meaning their reasoning skills start to develop at this age. Wait a little until she can process this and then tell her the whole truth not just about her father but both of you and the step father. She will better understand this way when she can comprehend what happened
The sooner the better before she learns the truth somewhere else and resents you and him for lying to her. Also reassure her that your husband is still her dad and the one who matters to her because he chooses to be her dad every day.