When should I tell my son my husband is not his BIO father?

My son is seven years old. My husband has been involved and his father since he was eight months old. My husband is all my son has ever known as his father. My husband and I also have a toddler we share together. My son doesn’t know that my husband is not his bio-dad; for a couple of days, I’ve been struggling, thinking it’s time to tell him. He realizes the different last names and is extremely smart. His bio dad has not seen him since he was a year old. He claims he wants to be around but in 7 years has made NO attempt, no anything. I’m struggling with how to tell him when the right time is? I feel in my heart I should give my son a chance to know his bio-dad if my son wants to, but is this the right age to give him a choice? Please help mommas.


idk … the different last names could be a big enough hint. since 8 months old? :woman_shrugging: blood doesn’t make a family. love does. sometimes, ignorance is bliss. … have you spoken to the bio dad to see if he will even get to know him, if the boy wants to?

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I would think at 7 he would not be emotionally ready to handle of whats to come after u tell him. In the end only u will know whats right to do for ur family. Whther to tell him now or when be is older

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If I were in your shoes i wouldnt even tell him till i know for sure his real dad wants to be in his life. Why do that to him… maybe when he starts asking more questions.


7 in my opinion is to young to be emotionally ready to handle that. It could def do more harm then good.

Wait for him to ask you.
Just coming out and saying so yourself could create internal feelings hes not ready for. And he is only 7. May be smart as a whip but some things just arent meant for smaller childrens minds. Wait til he asks you. And then be nothing short of honest with him.


I told my son when he was 10

children should be told as soon as possible


At 7 is a great time to open the conversation, if you don’t a peer might (re: different last names). Additionally, you shouldn’t offer for him to know bio dad when it 's not really an option (7 years is a long time). I say be nonchalant about it…if you have a pic of bio dad maybe show him and tell his. As said well above…love makes a family, not biology.


He needs to know the truth.


You think at 7, he is ready for rejection of his bio? You just stated that his bio has had the opportunity but declined to be in his life…now, you want to subject a 7 year old to rejection?


Honestly unless he ask u I wouldnt worrie about it until his around 13 or the fater tryd to actually b there other than that ur husband is his dad theres nothing to it :woman_shrugging: but if u do tell him anytime soon I would make sure it’s all of u and answer any questions he had n make them age appropriate n just make sure he still knows his loved and nothing will change with the relationship and bond he has already made with ur husband the older he gets he will ask more questions and just be as honest as u can and have him understand during that age range for.him


His birth father wants nothing to do with him so why bother? He has a father


Don’t bring it up! Believe me I have been there… rejection would hurt your son… wait until he is older or talks to your first


I agree unless bio dad is poking around again no need for rejection


He’s just a baby. There’s no need to bring it up. You’re the one who feels bad, he doesn’t. Let him mature and ask you when he’s ready.


He should find out from you before he hears it from someone else


Change your sons last name! I wouldnt give someone the chance to meet my child if it’s been 7 years and he made no attempts. His dad is your husband you should also discuss this with your husband hes the one who has raised him he should also have a choice in this matter!

ASAP. Like when he can talk. The earlier you explain to kids the sooner they will know because they have the right to know. Then you can answer questions along the way. So when they are older you don’t have to worry about them “finding out” and hating everyone. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to wait until they ask because wtf will ask if someone they think is their bio is their bio dad. Your son will def not love him any less. As long as your husband continue to build that father and son relationship.


Change his last name have your husband addop him. After all HE IS THE FATHER. :woman_shrugging:t2: