Would you cut off family for not helping out with your kids?

I guess I’m just looking for a bit of support and thoughts from people who’ve gone through this. I have a 2-year-old and an infant. I start back to work tomorrow, and my husband starts back on second shift, so we pretty much just switch off with the kids, as I’m working from home right now. We both work full time. Our families have promised support in terms of watching the kids and then decide not to pull through. We’ve had to resort to daycare before because of the same reason, and we have no issue doing that, but with COVID, ours has shut down indefinitely at this point. I can manage the kids and work for the last 1.5 of work from the time he leaves; however, it’s causing us a lot of frustrate and anxiety because we want their grandparents to be involved with them, but they aren’t. We aren’t even asking for help more than like 1-2 hours at a time and even that they don’t want to do, but they offer help and then for whatever reason will make an excuse that they can’t help or won’t help. They tell everybody else how much they help us and their grandkids, and everybody thinks they are just the best people ever for taking the time to do that. And helping us aside, they won’t even come over to spend time with the kids. It’s not like we haven’t helped them too. We believe you give a little, you get a little, and we should always help others. We’ve paid part of my dad’s monthly bills for the last year and a half. (We don’t live with him, he just had a hard time getting by, so we’ve paid for internet, TV, and trash for him) so I don’t feel like we are asking a lot. We discussed if it’s time to start breaking ties with the family and start just focusing on us and not count on any help, if we get some great if not, it’s not like we counted on it. Any thoughts? Thank you

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Not to sound like the bad guy, but I wouldn’t ever give anything and expect something back. It can just create so many issues. :heart:

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Ok, so stop paying for your dad’s bills is my first bit of advice. Stop expecting any of the family to help, is it crappy that they offer or say they will help and then don’t? Yes it is… is it their responsibility? No it’s not. They’ve shown you that they’re not reliable so don’t rely on it. Idk if I’d “cut them off” like completely out of your lives I think that may be extreme but just stop expecting their help. And good luck

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H/T but maybe don’t have kids if you two can’t manage without family help. I used to live five mins from my parents and my son still went to daycare and then VPK. They aren’t guaranteed babysitters, lord.

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you cant get mad because they dont wanna help you. find a different daycare then! its not that hard.

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Nobody owes you anything :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Tell them what you are doing for them

No, your parents do not have to babysit and cutting them off for that reason imo is ridiculous

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You have to take care of your kids yourself :woman_shrugging:

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I wouldn’t cut ties just because they won’t help… but I would stop expecting the help. I don’t think the two go hand in hand. I understand the frustration, but I think once you have your own family you should ALWAYS focus on your own family and worry about yourselves. If someone wants to help that’s great and so kind of them, but it isn’t their responsibility or something that should cause resentment.

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Thatd be super petty.
They’re your kids and your responsibility. You can ask, but it should not be expected of them.
And stop paying your dads bills if you can’t manage your family first.

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Some of yall ladies are so rude! Woman are on here asking for advice and help not a slap in the face!. Yes I think your points are right but maybe try a different approach on how you give it out… never kick a another woman while she is down. Were suppose to build each other up . To to OP when you do for others you should never expect something back in return you are doing it because you care and love that person doesn’t mean they owe you… so maybe sit down with family member and talk over with them that you need help at this time if help is not given. Make a plan b. You shouldn’t cut a father off either after he spent 18+ years helping raise your husband. You need to handle this situation with grace.

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You sound overwhelmed and tired And need extra support but you need to secure that away from family (childcare) don’t rely on it from family. If you didn’t pay for your dads living expenses you could possibly cut down on work and stay home with your children

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Grandparents are not babysitters. They raised thier kids. Don’t hold cutting them off against them because they don’t do what you want when you want.

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With Covid I would hire 1 person to come in…that way kids are not around a bunch of people…
I get that they said they would help and the frustration they back out… especially in these times…
I would not cut them off for this…but definitely don’t depend on them…

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Not even gonna read it all cuz it doesn’t matter , not their responsibility.

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Yup I’d be breaking ties ASAP.

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I would not break ties over it but I would absolutely not count on them and assume you will have no help and focus on yourselves.

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It’s really not their job. They are your kids you can figure it out.

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Stop paying your dad’s bills. Tell him you need it to pay for daycare now. Don’t cut ties with them completely if they haven’t done anything terrible. They’re family! Set your boundaries and stick to them. But yeah, I wouldn’t keep giving them money if they are continuing to put you in a tough situation with child care, especially if you know they don’t have work, etc.

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