Has the number of children you wanted ever caused you to leave a relationship? My SO is 10yrs older and has two children from a previous relationship, and we’ve been together for five years. We see his kids less than half the time. We have a child together but one day when he was really “stressed” He said he didn’t want another child he wanted to be down with the two he has… He said he didn’t want to start over because babies are a lot of work. He eventually apologized, but I feel like he just said sorry, so there wouldn’t be tension in our relationship.I’m just hurting because our child is a year old and how can he say that when he has another child already. I made it clear at the beginning of our relationship of how many kids I wanted, and he never never said anything about not wanting any more kids… I’ve worked hard for this relationship… And now I feel like I’m just wasting my time…
Been here my ex husband had 2 kids and I had 2 children I heard him say he wished it was only me he was a louse 11 years wasted in my life
If he said it in the moment he seemed stressed, I wouldn’t push the topic right now. This is definitely a topic that does need to be brought up at some point, but not now. Depends how strong you feel about having more children. Can you deal with his wishes if he doesn’t want anymore kids?
No but it’s understandable. You two don’t want the same things in life.
Well I would take my baby and move on. A lot of women take care of there own children and work also. Good luck. Good bless.
I think a compromise should have been made a few years ago. In this case it’s 50/50. He is 10 years old with two other kids. You are younger and just had your first. I can understand both sides.
Keep in mind, people say things they don’t mean when they are upset or stressed. He may not mean any of it. When you both have cooled down, have a conversation about kids and see what he really thinks in the right mindset.
My sister and her husband are 12 years apart (he’s older) and neither of them wanted kids but then she started to change her mind. He had two kids from a previous relationship as well and also didn’t want to start over. Then one day he asked her if she wanted kids, she said yes. They agreed and boom now she has 2 yr old twins lol. It could be an ongoing conversation.
I don’t think that’s a reason to leave someone. In all fairness between the two of you, you have three. They are still yours even if you didn’t give birth to them. But it’s a personal choice people have to make. Maybe down the road he will change his mind. I’m always grateful for the amount of kids I do have. Some people can’t have any and some of us struggled horrible to get the ones we do have.
10 years older? Children are a lot of work. He might be getting tired the older he gets.
If the relationship is good and he treats you good then think long and hard about throwing that away. He’s allowed to change his mind about more kids
I don’t want more kids and my fiance does but he’s not going to leave me over it he loves me. Seems like he’s set in his life of what he wants kids wise and considering the age gap it doesn’t seem unreasonable. If you love him make it work talk about adoption maybe an older child so the baby work isn’t needed? You also have to think children cost alot of money. I don’t think it’s worth leaving someone over. Not loving him would be a reason.
People change and peoples minds change… I agree that he is a littke bit older and maybe he just wants to relax now, not chase a a little one around with sleepless nights ya know? Is he super in love with you? Is he content with what he has and just wants to spend time with you? I wouldn’t throw your relationship away over not being able to have more babies. What about adoption? Fostering? Animals? So many children in the system that need families and homes…
That’s 100% up to you. Do you feel like you are wasting your time? Do you feel like he said it out of anger,stress,or just combusting his feelings? Would you be able to be ok with just having 1 child ? Like you are the only one who can answer this. I’m sorry you about the tension of opposite thoughts.
My fiance has two children while I have none. Now I love his two kids just as I would if they were mine but I still want to be able to have a child one day. We talked it about before and no, he didn’t really want more kids but he told me he loved me and didn’t want that experience to be taken from me so he is willing to have another child. You probably just need to sit down and talk one day, he may have not meant it. If you really love each other, that’s not a reason to leave someone especially when you already have one child together if that’s the only reason why you’re thinking of leaving.
I think it’s honestly up to you and what you want out of life. He’s entitled to not want any more just as you are entitled to want more. Things should’ve been made clear… but things can also change, people are allowed to change their minds. Would you consider adopting an older kid? Like 4 or 5?
If him not wanting more kids is a deal breaker then it’s pretty normal if you wanted to move on.
Many times I see this as a conversation that should have been had earlier, but… He my have agreed before and after having one is realizing how much work it is again and that he doesn’t know if he can handle that. He’s not saying he doesn’t want your current child or that he doesn’t love that kiddo, just that he doesn’t know if he wants to do it again.
Sit down at a time where you both aren’t stressed and talk about where you’re both at with it. Is there a specific concern he has that you can address? Do you have a reason for wanting another kid? You guys can talk about this without it being a a relationship-ending deal, you just have to hear each other out and compromise
If I still wanted kids and he didn’t, yes I leave because that is a dealbreaker for me. That is a choice you have to make for your self.
I understand both sides. I have two and I don’t want to do it again, but if having children is something you know you want and couldn’t imagine never having at least kne then, yes…I’d leave.
I mean not everyone wants the same things. Sometimes as time goes by people change what they want. If it was the other way around and you really didn’t want anymore but he did how would you feel if he left you because of that.
Nvm him not wanting anymore children…I would be more upset w him not acknowledging the baby u actually do have together. Stressed or not, forgetting 1 of your own is a shot to the heart. It can be worked on cuz maybe he didnt mean it cuz he was stressed (about having more kids), but if u are adamant about wanting more kids, then u might have to exit the relationship…but also take into account that u would have to start all over yourself and get yourself comfortable w someone again to have another child…so that alone may take some time (depending on how long u r single for). But if u are happy w your baby, him, n the kids he has already from previous relationship, then I think it isnt worth leaving…again, u need to reevaluate what u need opposed to what u want! If he is 10yrs older than u, then maybe he is done…Back to what I said to begin with, I’m more salty about him not including his 3rd child in that heated moment regardless. I just dont see an excuse for that.