Instagram influencer and mom of three Ashley Stock is grieving the death of her 3-year-old daughter Stevie, who lost her battle with brain cancer on May 27. She was diagnosed with the tumor in April and according to Ashley, was given a zero-percent chance at survival.
As the mom explained in an early post, the family learned about the tumor when they took Stevie to the emergency room due to “rapidly declining motor function.” It was that same night that the 3-year-old received her DIPG diagnosis.
On Instagram, Ashley described her little Stevie Lynn as a “Seed Planter. Miracle Maker. Light Giver. Heart Healer. Blue-eyed, dimpled smile, curly-haired forever baby girl.”
According to the mom, her baby girl took her last breath while snuggled in the arms of her parents at 1:05 p.m. on May 27. Attached to a photo of Stevie’s manicured hand holding a star-shaped crystal, Ashley wrote that the 3-year-old was also an “adored little sister, daughter, and friend.”
“There have been many miracles and countless God moments that I’ll put into words when my heart has strength. For now, I’m overwhelmed with relief that she’s at peace but I’m also feeling crushed by a pain so intense I can’t put it into words.”
Ashley then shared how she’s been dealing with the grief of losing her child, comparing her process to a liter bottle of soda.
“I let it out a bit at a time, like when you gently twist the lid off a liter soda bottle…releasing the built-up pressure little by little to keep it from exploding all over the place. I guess it’s like that. I’m twisting the lid on my grief gently. Because if I release it all at once, I don’t see how I could possibly survive. Gentleness has been my most effective approach on grief these last months, gentleness for myself and for all the beloved mourners by my side.”
Ashley went on to write that she has “complete faith” that there is a “greater purpose” to the tragedy of losing Stevie to cancer at the age of three. However, Ashley gets honest by saying “faith is not a ‘get out of pain-free’ card.”
“We have complete faith in there being a greater purpose of this tragedy (and it’s already unfolding through your stories of renewed hope),” Ashley continued. “But, unfortunately, faith is not a ‘get out of pain-free’ card, and that’s okay. I don’t know how to do this, so, for now, we’ll continue one day at a time held by the grace of God, the support of loved ones, and the prayers of strangers who have become friends.”
“Dear Stevie, I bought a new rug the week before you passed. It was a grief purchase. Certainly, we needed it after a month of failed potty training with your sweet puppy. But I didn’t buy it because we needed it, I bought it so I would feel anything else besides the pain of watching you leave us. Today we bury you.”
And as Ashley wrote, Stevie’s dad was doing the same thing. “And in that same attempt to feel anything else besides the pain, your dad is on his hands and knees vacuuming up all the shedding wool from that rug this morning. I can hear the loud hum of the shop-vac through the open kitchen window as I sit in the backyard arranging flowers for your casket.”
“And I can also hear Sawyer. Sitting at the kitchen counter while your Dad vacuums, with a bowl full of cereal, loudly humming along to the sound of the vacuum. It’s a sound that probably would have aggravated me months ago and I may have even asked him to stop. But today I don’t want him to ever stop. His hum fills your silence. His hum comforts me as I tie tiny bows around your flowers and prayerfully select the stems that will make you smile most.”
Ashley concluded that it is her son’s hums that “reminds me why I must gather all my strength and keep going.”
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