25 sidesplitting amazon movie reviews from @amznmovierevws

25 Hilariously Bad Amazon Movie Reviews from @AmznMovieRevws

There’s a hilarious Twitter account that collects bad Amazon movie reviews and you need to read these awful hot takes right now! Hat tip to the folks at BoredPanda for turning us on to one of the funniest Twitter pages around. @AmznMovieRevws has an eye for finding the most absurd opinions posted on Amazon.

As they say, “everyone’s a critic,” but that doesn’t mean that everyone should be. Most of the tweets are of one-star reviews that totally miss the mark. We decided to find some of our favorites to share with you. Here are 25 dumb movie reviews as collected by your new favorite Twitter obsession.

Oh, Boy.

How could Martin Scorsese overlook this? What a crying shame.

The Teacher

Well, that was unfortunate. Always check that MPAA rating.

Makes Jack a Dull Boy

We feel like “rude” is a bit of an understatement. Does this person consider attempted murder as just impolite?

Not Trolling

Do you ever leave a full bio in your online reviews? We suppose this individual needed us to understand the context.

We All Love Elisabeth Moss

Yes, Elisabeth Moss is great in that movie. As for the other lead, he remains to be seen.

A Read

We feel personally attacked by this review. So what if we do!?

Who Needs Arthouse Fare?

All we can say is, Mr. Andy Parting tried to save you from yourselves. He gets employee of the month.

What Is Time?

The film was released in 1977. That new hope we wanted died along with this review.

People Really Hate Reading

The mind reels. The brain melts. What’s so hard about subtitles?

“My Paws”

There’s a lot to unpack here. There’s some psychosexual thing happening here that we’ve just decided we’re not touching.

Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

This person has no time for the coming of age portion of any narrative. We think Zach might have missed a little something here.

Astute

Here’s what the movie description on Amazon says: “First Man, the riveting story behind the first manned mission to the moon, focuses on Neil Armstrong (Ryan Gosling) and the decade leading to the historic Apollo 11 flight.” Just going to leave that there.

Where’s the Lie?

Kevin really did have a twisted sense of justice in these movies. If only Harry and Marv would have realized in the first movie.

They Stayed in Kansas

Who’s going to tell them? How did they not know?

There’s a 5th One?

We had no idea the Home Alone franchise extended beyond two films. Hollywood must have dug deep into the wells of practical pranking to fill the HA cinematic universe. By the time the 5th installment rolled around, they must have been all out of swinging buckets.

A Question for the Ages

We took this review to heart because we agree. Why wasn’t Jason Momoa costumed in a speedo or brokini for the entirety of this film!? What a waste.

Questionable Parenting

If you keep asking yourself, “why does this always happen to me?” The problem might not be external, it could be you.

I’m in Sales

These reviewers were hoping to see some real closers. The only thing more exhausting than this movie is the commentary around it.

Take the Super Out of Superhero

This person was not having the concept of a superhero movie! We honestly cannot blame them.

They Came for the Book

Where do we start? Let’s just not.

Not for Disney Fans

The person perilously dangling from a snow lift must not have tipped them off! Does this look like a cover for an animated fairytale for children to you?

We Beg to Differ

Did this person want more dead, zombie animals? We love animals as much as the next person, but we think they might have missed a major plot point.

35 Years of Exploding Shark Experience

Who has seen seven sharks “destroyed by being blown up?” What line of work is this person in???

There Will Not Be

A keen observation. Nate was thirsty for it, but he got oil instead.

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Ari Aster Would Be Proud

At least we all saw the same movie. “Don’t smoke and watch!” has got to be the best one-star movie review ever written.

There you go! We hope you enjoyed these bad takes.

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