my friend is guilting me because i can't attend her mom's burial service due to childcare issues: is she being unreasonable or am i wrong?

My Friend Is Guilting Me Because I Can’t Attend Her Mom’s Burial Service Due to Childcare Issues: Is She Being Unreasonable or Am I Wrong?

A mom writes in asking for advice about a situation with her best friend. She says her friend’s mom recently passed, and this mom had planned to attend the burial service. However, all of her options for having someone look after her daughter while she planned to go fell through, and for a variety of reasons, this mom does not want to bring her daughter to the service. After telling her friend she couldn’t make it, her friend began guilting her and told her that she was pulling the “mom card” and that her behavior would not be forgotten. Is the friend overreacting? Or did this mom make a mistake?

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A member of the community asks:

“Is my friend being unreasonable about this situation?

My best friend’s mom passed away a few months ago, and the burial service is coming up, and it’s in my home town, 4 hours away. The original plan was to have my daughter stay home, and her father watches her, but he is working, and unable to, and everyone I’ve asked back home is either busy or away.

I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it because I have my daughter, and it just didn’t seem fair to her to drive 8 hours in 2 days and sit in the heat for the service, all while having no help. I was trying to be respectful of the service and didn’t want my daughter screaming and running around too, but my friend said I was pulling the “baby card” and that she will remember this. I get it’s a hard time for her, but I feel like she’s very unreasonable. Thoughts?”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Who Can’t Attend Her Friend’s Mom’s Burial Service Because of Childcare Issues

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Fan QuestionIs my friend being unreasonable about this situation?My best friend's mom passed away a few months ago,…

Posted by Mamas Uncut on Wednesday, June 24, 2020

Advice Summary

my friend is guilting me because i can't attend her mom's burial service due to childcare issues: is she being unreasonable or am i wrong?

The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.

“If my best friend’s mom died I’d bring my dog, my kid, the neighborhood kids, whoever TF I had to load up to go support my best friend.”

“Kinda agree with the friend. If your daughter is old enough to “run around”, 8 hours in a car over a 2 day period won’t hurt her… and neither will the heat. Keep her hydrated, wear sunscreen, and minimal clothing. Lots of parents do these things without “help”.. you’ll live. Your friend lost her mother, suck it up, and be there for her.”

“You throw the kid in the car and support your friend… single moms do this every day.”

“I’m sorry you said best friend correct? Well, I know nothing would stand in the way of my best friend or I being there for one another…. especially in such a hard time… Not judging but I personally would pack my kids up an take them with me. Lots of snacks and activities and kiddo will be fine. Stop for breaks etc… finding excuses to not do something is always easier than making a plan and sticking to it.”

“So glad some of you ladies aren’t my “best friend”. Stuff happens and people can’t make it to things sometimes. Doesn’t mean you are giving any less support.”

“No, she’s not being unreasonable, but you are. Having kids is a part of life. Taking them places that you go, even when it inconveniences you? Also a part of life. If you were a good friend, this wouldn’t even be a question.”

“She is grieving. Take one for the team and figure out how to make it work. Yes, it wouldn’t be easy with a child – but your friend is counting on you and that really shows the test of friendship. And if your kid is acting up that is uncontrollable just walk away with her but at least at the end of the day you showed up for her.”

“I wouldn’t expect ANY friends to drive that far for a memorial service with their child. She’s an adult and can handle her grief. That’s a small road trip and a lot for a child. If she can’t accept that you can be there for her in other ways, then she’s not a very good friend.”

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