A mom writes in to share her inspirational story. She says that her boyfriend of 12 years has never once brought up marriage. “He never intended to make me his wife,” she says. After three kids and a lot of emotional turmoil — a lot of feeling unloved — this mom says she reached her breaking point and has decided to leave. Though she is not explicitly asking for advice, having arrived at her own solution, many community members shared their reactions and tips for moving forward.
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A member of the community asks:
“I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years but he has never mentioned marriage: Thoughts?
Ladies I’m tired I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 12 years. He never once brought up marriage. He never intended to make me his wife. I was fine with that, but now, 3 kids later, I want to be more than just a girlfriend. I want to be a wife.
I do everything for him. I go above and beyond for him and my kids but I never have gotten the same treatment I give him… tomorrow’s my birthday and once again, I won’t be getting anything. Once again, I won’t feel loved by him. He would rather work than be home. He would rather be with his friends than with his kids and me… So tonight I packed up all my stuff and I’m leaving. I’m going because I finally found my worth. I’m leaving because I deserve more then what I’m getting.
I want to be someone’s wife. I want to take family trips, have family nights, and if I’m crying, have someone wipe my tears and make everything ok. My kid’s father thought that just because he was the provider of the family, that was his only job. Smh… yes, I’m dumb for staying for so long. Yes, I’m dumb for even trying and staying and hoping he would change, but when is enough! Today is enough. I want the meaning of love I want my kids to grow up in a happy home and have someone be there for them as well. So ladies, if you’re in a relationship that’s like mine or somewhat like mine, just remember Its never too late to get out there is always a happy ending.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Boyfriend of 12 Years Has Never Mentioned Marriage
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“You literally just gave yourself the best birthday present EVER! I celebrate with you and I grieve with you. You can do this! The hardest part is already done!”
“Yes!!! Yes!!! Yes!!! It is never too late to find your happiness! And as long as you can look back knowing you gave your all, there’s nothing to regret. He gave you 3 amazing children but that is not supposed to be your lot. You deserve a man who makes you feel loved, wanted, a partnership, a team! You’ve got this lady! Wishing you the very best.”
“Well sis, I’m glad you are DONE acting like a WIFE to a man that’s NOT your husband. BOYFRIENDS don’t get Husband PRIVILEGES!”
“Congratulations on your courage and self-esteem coming back. Your kids will eventually, if they don’t already, respect your decision and bravery. You deserve better. I was with someone for decades with the ‘girlfriend’ thing too. Its demeaning, kids or not. He left me before I got the courage to do it myself. Sure I loved him but never felt valued. Good luck moving forward…
… I disagree with the other women who talk about marriage as just a paper as that wasn’t your real issue. I hear you that he didn’t make you feel like a family, spent too much time with his buddies, not enough with the kids, and he’s thoughtless about such things as your birthday…
… They should want to do all those things on their out of love and thoughtfulness. You have every right to expect more. You deserve more and so do the kids. I was unhappily married and he also was too busy hanging out with his friends instead of his family etc.”
“Honestly, maybe he needs to see you walk away to change and fight for his family. If not, you can and will find someone who will appreciate you.”
“What matters is you DID IT. Don’t let your mind chastise you about how long it took. Good job, so many women will see this. Wishing you the best and PUT YOUR BABIES AND YOU FIRST.”
“Good for you! You are such a brave woman and I praise you for how strong you are. Your children will thank you when they grow up. I was with my daughter’s dad for 6 years and finally, I just had enough. I finally feel happy again and watching my daughter smile more is just amazing. You can do it!! Hope you have an amazing birthday knowing that YOU love you and so do your kids.”
“So proud of you! However, a ring won’t change his attitude, don’t give in even if he promises one now. You deserve someone that cherishes you, and your children deserve to see a healthy relationship!! It will be hard, but totally worth it in the end. Hang in there!!”
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