my boyfriend wants to be my kids' step-father, but i haven't met his family yet

My Boyfriend Wants to Be My Kids’ Step-Father, But I Haven’t Met His Family Yet

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QUESTION: My Boyfriend Wants To Be My Kids Step-Father But Won’t Let Me Meet His Family: Thoughts?

“My boyfriend of a year hasn’t introduced us to his family but wants to be ‘step-father status’ to my kids mainly to have a say so on punishments. He is giving many excuses as to why we haven’t met his family. Obviously, this is a red flag. My question is, am I wrong for not giving hi, step-father rights until we meet his family?”

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step-father, my boyfriend wants to be my kids' step-father, but i haven't met his family yet
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Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“Me and my kids’ father have a rule that the only punishment step-parents are allowed to do is time out and take toys always besides that there isn’t any reason for more to be done. It works the same way for babysitters. He’s not even your husband and his main concern is to punish your kid is such a red flag. Think about what’s actually best for your kid and not yourself. You could replace the “boyfriend” but your kid is forever.”

“He wants to be step dad just so he can punish your children… not because he loves them, wants to be a wonderful role model, wants to be their safe place or their biggest cheerleaders in life. I think your problems are far bigger than meeting his family.”

“Not meeting his family is definitely something to think about. But he wants stepdad rights for punishment? That’s what he’s thinking of? Why? That seems way more off to me about this honestly.”

“What is his reason for you not meeting his family? If you aren’t married how would he be step dad? My kids, my discipline unless we’re married then it’s a conversation.”

“That sounds like a big red flag in my opinion! It sounds weird to me that you say he wants step dad rights mainly so he can have say so in punishments! It just brings to mind for me all these innocent babies, children, etc that have lost their lives due to boyfriends/ girlfriends of their parents.”

“He ain’t no step dad till you marry and the fact that he hasn’t introduced you to his family after a year says he isn’t ready for a real commitment let alone the title step dad.”

“Absolutely not. A year isn’t even that long. He has no right to punish your children. If a boyfriend even wanted to punish my children, he would be gone. That just seems too weird and controlling.”

“Absolutely not. You just said yourself he wants the title to be able to decided punishments. That’s not a reason to want to be a father figure.”

“I’ve been in my step kids lives for 8 years. I will never discipline them. That’s not my place or role. That’s strange behavior.”

“Step dad only get the title when they marry the mother. The fact that you’ve been together for a year and haven’t met his family should be a big red flag.”

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