A mom writes in asking for advice about her boyfriend. She says she just moved in with her boyfriend, and they had their first blowout argument. She later came to learn that, after their fight, he called his ex-wife, with whom he shares children, to vent about the argument. This mom is highly uncomfortable with this revelation, and not because she’s jealous. In fact, she really likes his ex-wife. She just feels that some things in a relationship should not be aired publicly in such a fashion. Is she wrong? Was it wrong of her boyfriend to vent to his ex?
A member of the community asks:
“My boyfriend called his ex after an argument to vent: Advice”
“I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. Both of us come from 12-plus-year marriages. He has children, and so do I. This weekend, we moved in together and got into our first big blow out (no kids where home. It was their weekend with the other parent) and he slapped a family member on the butt?! To me, that seems inappropriate! And it’s happened before, and I’ve expressed my opinion!
Things got pretty heated, but we eventually calmed down and went to separate rooms for the night. Well, come to find out he called and told his ex-wife about our argument Saturday night and spoke to her about the situation on Saturday night while I was in our room! Am I right to be upset?
I believe when you have problems, you should keep it in the relationship and not open doors to others? I could really use some opinions and thoughts on the matter. It’s not that I’m jealous at all. I really like his ex-wife, and we have a great relationship. I just feel betrayed. He talked to her about our problems, and it makes us look unstable?! Thoughts? How should I resolve this? I almost feel like it’s toxic and should end things now before I end up getting hurt down the line?“
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Boyfriend Called His Ex-Wife to Vent After an Argument
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Slapping someone’s behind would anger me but running to an ex for comfort would have me packing his crap. That means there is still something there.”
“Yes, your relationship should stay between you. Even if he absolutely needed to vent, a member of the opposite sex, especially an ex, should never be the one to vent to. Period.”
“Partner talks to ex… You talk to thousands on a public platform?”
“12 years of marriage and partnership doesn’t just go away. You are literally telling a bunch of strangers right now.”
“Sounds like your gut is telling you what to do already. But if you choose to stay create solid boundaries and refuse to cross them. If he does again leave. But life is too short to be unhappy.”
“You leave your ex for a reason. No way would I put up with that! If you need to vent to someone call a friend or family member.”
“I 100% think is wrong to talk to your ex about these things! I never would. My boyfriend also talks to his ex about this type of stuff and I don’t think it is appropriate at all. And It hasn’t changed for 10 yrs. So if it’s an issue for you, I suggest you leave because it won’t change.”
“The real question here is how mad would he be if this situation was the other way around?”
“My ex-husband calls me when he needs to vent about his girlfriend & we have been separated for almost 4 years now. I think he knows I truly care & he trusts me. Maybe the same thing.”
“The butt slapping… So not cool. The calling the ex-wife to discuss yours and his private issues… Seriously not cool. They might have a good relationship but as far as I’m concerned they had issues that’s why they divorced. For him to now discuss with her what’s happening between the 2 of you is not OK. Talk to her about the children absolutely but private things with his partner is not the right thing. Hey but that’s me, I would not be happy about it.”
“Wow not cool at all. Why would he not speak to the one he is in a relationship with?”
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