The market for novelty swimwear seems to be ever-expanding. Remember the “hairy chest” swimsuit that nearly destroyed the internet a few years back? Well, the trend isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, clearly… Which brings us to the Brokini.
The Brokini is a “bikini” for bros. If that wasn’t already clear.
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Introducing The Brokini: An Innovative Swimsuit for Men
Created by two guys from Toronto, Ontario, potentially as a joke — more on that in a minute — the Brokini is an “advancement” of a men’s swimsuit. “More than 100 years have passed without any advancement in men’s bathing suits… until now,” the official site reads. Well, when you put it like that…
Though it is called a Brokini, this swimsuit monstrosity is more like a cross between a wrestling singlet, a toga, and a speedo. However, the featured fabric patterns do recall what you’d typically see on a bikini, so they’re not totally off-the-mark, either.
Is the Brokini… For Real?
Yes and no.
‘Yes’ in that you can purchase a Brokini with real money, the same way you’d order anything online.
‘No’ in that, according to the product’s website, the creators are… certainly in on the joke, at the very least. The site hosts a “Profit Counter,” which states: “We’ve spent literally tens of hours developing this product and so far we’ve made: -$1,661.47.”
It also includes a Brokini haiku, which goes as follows:
A bikini for bros
Show off your package in style
Disappoint your parents
On the Brokinis “About Us” page, the founders joke that they “didn’t develop any work or study ethic” in high school but “somehow made it into business school and were both perfectly mediocre and that is why we are stuck running a business that has thus far made -$1,661.47.”
They add:
“We hope to one day grow Brokinis enough to cover our MASSIVE cryptocurrency losses and hire a golden retriever as a receptionist, but we have no idea how to run a business so that seems pretty unlikely at this point. We like dogs and strawberry daiquiris and the Toronto Maple Leafs.”
– Brokinis
So sure, it’s a joke. A novelty. They get that. We get that. And yet, we can’t help but think that something like the Brokini does have an audience… And we’re a little scared of seeing one IRL.
Say I Wanted to Buy a Brokini. As a Gift for a Friend and Definitely NOT for Myself… How Much Would That Cost?
You can purchase the Brokini in two patterns: The Brominigo Brokini, which has a print featuring flamingos, and The Fineapple Brokini, which has a print featuring pineapples.
Both are currently priced on the Brokinis website at $40. They come in sizes Small, Medium, and Large. Further selling points include: “Shoulder sling draws attention to your dong,” and “Makes even small weenies look schmedium.” All that for $40 (before taxes and S&H)? How could we say no?
The Brokinis website is actually full of clever little jokes and Easter eggs on just about every page, so while we don’t necessarily encourage you to buy one — although, hey, you do you… — we think you may get a kick out of taking a little look.
Otherwise, maybe we’ll see you on the beach next weekend. We’ll be the ones wearing Bromingo Brokinis. Chances are you won’t miss us.
(The above is an example of what to look for, wine included. Just in case.)
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