My Children Call My Ex-Husband’s Wife ‘Mom’: Advice?

A mom writes in asking for advice about her family. She says that her children — 8-year-old twins — call their stepmom, her ex-husband’s new wife, “mom.” She says her children have been asked by the ex-husband and his wife to use this title, and this makes the Original Poster (OP) “heartbroken.”

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A member of the community asks:

“My children call my ex-husband’s wife “mom”: Thoughts?

My ex-husband remarried a few years ago, and since then, they make my children call his wife “mom.” I have talked to both of them saying that I am the only mother they have (they’re 8 yrs old now — twins) and therefore they should stop that. But no matter what I say or do, they insist on having my children call her “mom.” I have been heartbroken for a few years since this happened for the first time. There’s nothing that can be done legally. Has anyone dealt or have been dealing with that, and how do you cope?

My ex let her stop working, and now she is a stay at home stepmother. I need to work. She spends more time with my children than I do. My kids complain that I am not with them enough. And again, there is nothing I can do about it either. I hate seeing my children refer to another woman as a mom. She tries to parent my children. I even had a social worker involved to no avail. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks.”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Whos Children Refer to Their Stepmom as ‘Mom’

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Fan QuestionMy children call my husbands wife "mom": Thoughts?My ex-husband re-married à few years ago, and since…

Posted by Mamas Uncut on Friday, April 3, 2020

Advice Summary

My Children Call My Ex-Husband's Wife 'Mom': Advice?

The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.

“Why would you have a problem with her living your children and taking care of them? Would you rather they be neglected and have her treat them bad? I totally understand that it must hurt to hear them call her mom, but from my perspective, I don’t see anything wrong with this picture.”

“It takes a village to raise a child. I think you should thank her for accepting your kids. That’s wonderful. You are blessed.”

“I understand your frustrations but I have to agree with everyone on this post with divorce comes this type of situation- be happy and grateful she treats your kids well and raises them while you both work. You’re still their mother and they’ll love you no matter what.”

“Not appropriate at all. You are their mother and the only one that should be called mum. It’s unnecessary, insulting, and rude that your ex-husband has allowed this. I’d be fuming.”

“Who cares? If my son wants to call his stepmom “mom” he can. I know I’m his mother and he knows I’m his mother…if he feels comfortable calling someone else who is a mother figure to him mom then I’m secure enough to accept that. It’s not about you. Grow up and act like adults who have your kids’ best interest at heart… Jesus. My son has 2 moms and 2 dads…and we all support him 100%….his father has watched my husband coach his hockey team for 6 years and been 100% supportive……my son is lucky and loved beyond belief.”

“How is it selfish to be upset that children she carried and birth call someone else mom?? No one has children with the thought that they will have to share the title/role of mom with another woman! It is ok for that to make this MOTHER feel sad……yes its great that the new wife loves them but she doesn’t have to be called mom she can have another term of endearment and show respect to the person WHO GAVE THEM LIFE…..”

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